My quick smells like french toast
The Nike Sparq commercials with LT, Steve Nash, Matt Holliday, Hope Solo et al are awesome. The sixty-second spot is on heavy rotation during the AM Sportscenters, and they were exactly what I needed this morning. They also got me thinking of some of the best Nike commercials. There are tons, but here are some of the favorites:
Banned because some felt it promoted violence against women, but a smart concept.
Tiger's trick shot.
Bo knows self-promotion.
MJ's frozen moment.
Couldn't embed this one, but Sampras v. Agassi.
Paralympian Rohan Murphy's legs were amputated when he was 4. Dude benches 300 lbs.
David Robinson and Charles Barkley: "Fined".
Lil Penny and Tyra Banks, before everyone realized she was a terrible person.
Brazilian airport soccer.
Freestyle basketball beat.
More MJ.
And if those weren't motivating enough, there's always ESPN's Sportscentury:
espn all time sportscentury video
Alright, good talk. See you out there.
Gap Year Volunteers
This week we are introducing the Sunday Story from Believe In Youth. Enjoy.
Who: Gap Year Volunteers
Age: Typically 18-26
What: Volunteer internationally in their gap years
The "gap year" is not as often exploited in the United States as it is in the UK and Canada in particular. There, many students take a year either between high school and college or after completing their undergraduate degree to explore the world outside organized educational boundaries. This story from the National Post is about students using their gap years to volunteer internationally.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Presented by 'You will face who you are': A guide to doing good for gap year
Sandy Fife, National Post Published: Friday, March 28, 2008
Courtesy Jacqueline Wong
The winner of a local election was throwing a victory party for residents of the baranguay in AlangAlang, in the central Philippines. He converted the basketball court to an outdoor banquet hall with music, tables and chairs, a stage for speeches and a feast that saw a whole cow spit-roasted over a fire. Jacqueline Wong, a 25-year-old volunteer health worker from Toronto, watched her neighbours party and felt she'd arrived in the Philippines. "It really opened my eyes to the sense of community," she says.
Wong is one of thousands of Canadians between 18 and 34 who take time out to volunteer, work or travel in other countries each year, under international youth programs made possible by federal agreements with about 40 other governments. Gap-year travel - or a trip before, during or just after college or university - is a time-honoured tradition. These days, many kids are choosing to combine it with paid or unpaid jobs.
Their reasons include the desire to do good, to offset travel expenses and to immerse themselves in a particular culture. "The best way to learn about a place is to spend some time living there, and working or volunteering provides that opportunity," says Jeff Minthorn, editor of Verge, a Canadian magazine about travel "with a purpose."
"Working or volunteering abroad also looks great on a résumé or university application," Minthorn adds. "It's one thing to say, ‘I spent the last year backpacking around Australia and Southeast Asia,' quite another to say, ‘While I was there, I worked on a farm in Western Australia and volunteered in Thailand teaching English to schoolchildren.' "
Other rewards are less tangible. "Clients come back from a work or volunteer experience changed," says Karen Moore, Ottawa-based manager of sales and development for Travel Cuts' international programs. "They are more confident, know what they want out of life and realize there is another world where people struggle just to survive. It makes them realize how lucky they are, and more tolerant of other cultures."
Nevertheless, the decision to work or volunteer abroad deserves careful consideration. A good start is to check out the opportunities offered by well-established programs such as Travel Cuts' Work Abroad and Volunteer Abroad. After that, a self-assessment is in order. Factors such as your age, finances, skills and previous travel experience may influence your choice of when and where you go and what you do there, program organizers point out.
"Travelling is not always cool. It is also difficult," says Jonathan Paquet, president and co-founder of Horizon Cosmopolite, a Montreal agency that helps students find and prepare for international volunteer placements. "You will face who you are. You may cry because you miss your mom. You will ask yourself why you decided to go to that village where there are cockroaches in the bathroom."
Here are the stories of three Canadians who braved those hazards and came back from their travels eager to do it all over again:
Alex James, Toronto
James was 18 and finished high school when she went to Guyana as a Youth Challenge International (YCI) volunteer in early 2006. She and 12 other volunteers spent eight weeks in three communities, leading workshops on health and social issues such as HIV/AIDS, teen pregnancy, substance abuse and women's empowerment.
She had no international travel experience and the trip was the longest that she'd been away from home. But the decision to go was easy. "Post-secondary education didn't excite me. Travel did," she says. "I was fascinated and intrigued and even a little giddy at the idea of volunteering abroad."
YCI, like many volunteer organizations with a focus on developing countries, requires participants to raise the funds for their project and airfare. Scraping together the approximately $5,000 James needed took a lot of work. She hosted an evening of live music and theatre, with a raffle and bake sale, and collaborated with other Toronto-area volunteers on another raffle, for a pair of Lord of the Rings tickets.
YCI provided pre-departure training about culture, communicating and the project, as well as orientation for the volunteers in Guyana. Its Web site warns applicants they may have to sleep on the ground or use outdoor bathrooms in their host countries. But James still missed the comforts of home. "I lived in very close quarters with my group members, slept in a hammock, bathed and washed my clothes in a river, and used stinky, dirty outhouses, which were covered in cockroaches at night," she says.
And she was often homesick. "The first night was especially hard. I was exhausted, already covered in
mosquito bites, and felt very sad - almost wished I could turn around and go home."
But she enjoyed connecting with people in the communities in which she worked, especially playing with the kids, who taught her that the hokey-pokey's appeal cuts across all cultures.
The residents of each community thanked the volunteers by holding a bonfire for them the night before they left. Everybody serenaded each other and had a good time.
James's trip gave her knowledge of another culture and the understanding that there are many other ways of life, not to mention an enduring gratitude for basics like running water.
"More than anything, I came home with itchy feet, wanting to get out there and see more of the world," she says.
Last fall, after a semester of college and a stint at a full-time job, she did just that, travelling to Uganda as a volunteer for Kirabo Canada.
"Travel is such a rewarding and enriching experience," she says. "It's a whole other kind of learning. The opportunity to go to school will always be there; most of the awesome youth programs out there have age restrictions."
Chris Roosenboom, Bathurst, N.B.
Roosenboom, a Guelph, Ont., native who's training in New Brunswick for a career as a geophysicist, had finished his undergrad degree in his hometown and worked for a year when wanderlust struck. He decided to travel instead of starting a PhD program in the fall of 2006. He left in October, on a SWAP UK working holiday that spanned 11 months and five mostly poorly paid service-industry jobs.
"I wanted to learn about who I was and how other cultures do things differently. I also wanted to improve my social skills and get more confidence," he says. He chose Edinburgh as his destination because he wanted to see the Highlands, drink Scotch and learn about the history - and because a friend told him the city is a great party place.
Roosenboom made friends in advance through a SWAP chat room, and arranged to meet them in Edinburgh. SWAP (which is run by Travel Cuts in Canada) helped him arrange visas and accommodation for the first few days. His biggest pre-departure worries were saving enough money for the trip, waiting for his visa to arrive and packing light.
His "Wow, I'm here" moment came when he stepped off the double-decker airport bus on Waverley Bridge, "with big buses going every which way, strange-looking taxis darting about and, down the valley, Edinburgh Castle with the sun shining behind it," he says. "Was quite the day."
Roosenboom used the U.K. as a home base, travelling to other countries as the opportunity arose. He didn't have to cope with a new language or culture. But he had to adapt to being alone and develop self-reliance. Building up his tolerance for alcohol was also a challenge. "It's all one big party," he says.
Well, not quite. His jobs ran from boring and sometimes unpleasant stints cleaning and working the reception desk at a hostel, where he lived for free, to customer service at a baked-potato shop, where he had fun, and waiter/bartender at an Oxfordshire pub, where he felt like a slave. But he landed on his feet at the Jam House back in Edinburgh, where he became headwaiter and employee of the year, winning a trip for two to Birmingham, with dinner at a five-star restaurant and a night of clubbing.
Roosenboom came home "a completely different person," more comfortable with himself, more sociable and more confident with the opposite sex. His advice to other students considering a working holiday abroad: "Take the plunge! It is freaking scary but once you get there, it is excellent. And most important,
don't plan - just go with it. The random experiences are the best, and the ones you learn most from."
Jacqueline Wong, Toronto
Wong, a pharmacy grad, wanted a chance to observe health care in other parts of the world. She spotted a Horizon Cosmopolite ad for a volunteer job at a clinic in rural AlangAlang on a university career Web site in 2006. Knowing many residents of the Philippines speak English and that she'd be close to other Asian countries she wanted to visit, she jumped at the opportunity.
Wong was a seasoned traveller, having toured Europe, explored Spain on her own and studied in Italy for a month on a university exchange. Still, she was nervous about travel and accommodation. Horizon Cosmopolite liaised with the organization Volunteer for the Visayans, in Tacloban, which arranged her placement and home stay. Wong couldn't attend the pre-trip seminar. But a Lonely Planet guide introduced her to the culture and everyday life in the Philippines.
Her home stay in Tacloban was comfortable and welcoming - her hosts gave her their bedroom - and her days settled into a routine: up at 7 for an hour-long jeepney ride to the clinic where she worked as a receptionist for three weeks, tutoring local kids or relaxing at a coffee shop in downtown Tacloban after work and dinner (typically meat, stir-friend veggies and rice) at her home stay. A volunteer for the Visayans arranged excursions to its projects, local tourist attractions and beaches.
Typhoon season limited travel. But Wong and a friend took a weekend trip to a neighbouring island, where they saw rice paddies and swam in hot springs and under waterfalls. Their driver ran out of gas and they purchased two litres from a roadside stand, which was poured into glass Coke bottles - "the perfect quirky ending to an unusual day," Wong says.
Her biggest challenge was "just letting go of what I knew from living in Canada," she says. "Things are done differently in Tacloban, and I needed
to adjust." Her worst time came after eating balut, a fertilized duck egg that's a local delicacy. It didn't agree, and she had to stay home for a day.
But she enjoyed learning about a different culture, making new friends, picking up a bit of Waray-Waray and seeing how health care is delivered in the Philippines.
"Keep an open mind," she advises would-be international volunteers. "Once you find a program offered by a reliable organization, don't hesitate to register. And once you arrive, enjoy what the country has to offer and don't dwell on preconceptions."
MORE: Weigh the risks and rewards
Working and volunteering abroad are popular gap-year options. Horizon Cosmopolite, a Montreal-based volunteer-placement agency founded in 1997, has seen participation grow to 350 a year from 35 in 1999.
Kids who do it may develop a new sense of direction, greater appreciation for family, freedom and our privileged lifestyle and an understanding of what it's like to be the outsider in an unfamiliar culture. They also get valuable international work experience: 82% of respondents to a July, 2007, survey of employers by the University of Toronto's career centre see travel abroad as an asset on a résumé.
On the downside, volunteering abroad is expensive. Most organizations require participants to raise funds, and the service-industry and ESL teaching jobs travelling students often take tend to be poorly paid and are sometimes exploitive. Loneliness and homesickness can loom large - particularly in places with limited phone and Internet service - and scams, illness, accidents and trouble with foreign authorities are real risks.
The Martlet, the University of Victoria's newspaper, warned readers last fall that Japan's biggest private
language school had ceased paying some of its employees, but was still hiring Canadian students to teach in its schools. In November, British schoolteacher Gillian Gibbons was imprisoned in Sudan for allowing her students there to name a teddy bear after the Easter Bunny. And in March of last year, British teen Georgia French died in a bus crash in the Andes while on a gap-year trip with friends; her parents, having learned that 500 people die each year in similar accidents in Peru, launched GapAid, a Web site meant to alert other kids and parents to scams and country-specific hazards.
Young, inexperienced travellers and those who strike out on their own are most at risk, regardless of their destinations. Jeff Minthorn, editor of Verge magazine, recommends that kids seek out reputable organizations that specialize in arranging international working and volunteering holidays. These NGOs (non-government organizations) help with everything from cultural orientation, travel arrangements and job and volunteer placements to ongoing support in the destination country. Moreover, they will take into account the traveller's goals, expectations and experience.
For example, Travel Cuts would steer an 18-year-old fresh out of high school to a work placement in the United Kingdom rather than, say, South Africa, says Karen Moore, manager of sales and development for the company's international programs. "It's not too far away and not too much of a culture shock. Our partners there help students find work and accommodation with roommates, and even organize social activities."
Students who hook up with well-run organizations tend to get more out their experiences, because they're well prepared and have realistic expectations, says Jonathan Paquet, of Horizon Cosmopolite.
Beyond that, it helps to cultivate personal qualities such as a positive attitude, sense of humour and flexibility. "We all deal differently in a cross-cultural context," Paquet says. "Some people go on a project and only have complaints; another person comes back from the same project only with positive comments."
Sandy Fife, Weekend Post
Who: Gap Year Volunteers
Age: Typically 18-26
What: Volunteer internationally in their gap years
The "gap year" is not as often exploited in the United States as it is in the UK and Canada in particular. There, many students take a year either between high school and college or after completing their undergraduate degree to explore the world outside organized educational boundaries. This story from the National Post is about students using their gap years to volunteer internationally.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Presented by 'You will face who you are': A guide to doing good for gap year
Sandy Fife, National Post Published: Friday, March 28, 2008
Courtesy Jacqueline Wong
The winner of a local election was throwing a victory party for residents of the baranguay in AlangAlang, in the central Philippines. He converted the basketball court to an outdoor banquet hall with music, tables and chairs, a stage for speeches and a feast that saw a whole cow spit-roasted over a fire. Jacqueline Wong, a 25-year-old volunteer health worker from Toronto, watched her neighbours party and felt she'd arrived in the Philippines. "It really opened my eyes to the sense of community," she says.
Wong is one of thousands of Canadians between 18 and 34 who take time out to volunteer, work or travel in other countries each year, under international youth programs made possible by federal agreements with about 40 other governments. Gap-year travel - or a trip before, during or just after college or university - is a time-honoured tradition. These days, many kids are choosing to combine it with paid or unpaid jobs.
Their reasons include the desire to do good, to offset travel expenses and to immerse themselves in a particular culture. "The best way to learn about a place is to spend some time living there, and working or volunteering provides that opportunity," says Jeff Minthorn, editor of Verge, a Canadian magazine about travel "with a purpose."
"Working or volunteering abroad also looks great on a résumé or university application," Minthorn adds. "It's one thing to say, ‘I spent the last year backpacking around Australia and Southeast Asia,' quite another to say, ‘While I was there, I worked on a farm in Western Australia and volunteered in Thailand teaching English to schoolchildren.' "
Other rewards are less tangible. "Clients come back from a work or volunteer experience changed," says Karen Moore, Ottawa-based manager of sales and development for Travel Cuts' international programs. "They are more confident, know what they want out of life and realize there is another world where people struggle just to survive. It makes them realize how lucky they are, and more tolerant of other cultures."
Nevertheless, the decision to work or volunteer abroad deserves careful consideration. A good start is to check out the opportunities offered by well-established programs such as Travel Cuts' Work Abroad and Volunteer Abroad. After that, a self-assessment is in order. Factors such as your age, finances, skills and previous travel experience may influence your choice of when and where you go and what you do there, program organizers point out.
"Travelling is not always cool. It is also difficult," says Jonathan Paquet, president and co-founder of Horizon Cosmopolite, a Montreal agency that helps students find and prepare for international volunteer placements. "You will face who you are. You may cry because you miss your mom. You will ask yourself why you decided to go to that village where there are cockroaches in the bathroom."
Here are the stories of three Canadians who braved those hazards and came back from their travels eager to do it all over again:
Alex James, Toronto
James was 18 and finished high school when she went to Guyana as a Youth Challenge International (YCI) volunteer in early 2006. She and 12 other volunteers spent eight weeks in three communities, leading workshops on health and social issues such as HIV/AIDS, teen pregnancy, substance abuse and women's empowerment.
She had no international travel experience and the trip was the longest that she'd been away from home. But the decision to go was easy. "Post-secondary education didn't excite me. Travel did," she says. "I was fascinated and intrigued and even a little giddy at the idea of volunteering abroad."
YCI, like many volunteer organizations with a focus on developing countries, requires participants to raise the funds for their project and airfare. Scraping together the approximately $5,000 James needed took a lot of work. She hosted an evening of live music and theatre, with a raffle and bake sale, and collaborated with other Toronto-area volunteers on another raffle, for a pair of Lord of the Rings tickets.
YCI provided pre-departure training about culture, communicating and the project, as well as orientation for the volunteers in Guyana. Its Web site warns applicants they may have to sleep on the ground or use outdoor bathrooms in their host countries. But James still missed the comforts of home. "I lived in very close quarters with my group members, slept in a hammock, bathed and washed my clothes in a river, and used stinky, dirty outhouses, which were covered in cockroaches at night," she says.
And she was often homesick. "The first night was especially hard. I was exhausted, already covered in
mosquito bites, and felt very sad - almost wished I could turn around and go home."
But she enjoyed connecting with people in the communities in which she worked, especially playing with the kids, who taught her that the hokey-pokey's appeal cuts across all cultures.
The residents of each community thanked the volunteers by holding a bonfire for them the night before they left. Everybody serenaded each other and had a good time.
James's trip gave her knowledge of another culture and the understanding that there are many other ways of life, not to mention an enduring gratitude for basics like running water.
"More than anything, I came home with itchy feet, wanting to get out there and see more of the world," she says.
Last fall, after a semester of college and a stint at a full-time job, she did just that, travelling to Uganda as a volunteer for Kirabo Canada.
"Travel is such a rewarding and enriching experience," she says. "It's a whole other kind of learning. The opportunity to go to school will always be there; most of the awesome youth programs out there have age restrictions."
Chris Roosenboom, Bathurst, N.B.
Roosenboom, a Guelph, Ont., native who's training in New Brunswick for a career as a geophysicist, had finished his undergrad degree in his hometown and worked for a year when wanderlust struck. He decided to travel instead of starting a PhD program in the fall of 2006. He left in October, on a SWAP UK working holiday that spanned 11 months and five mostly poorly paid service-industry jobs.
"I wanted to learn about who I was and how other cultures do things differently. I also wanted to improve my social skills and get more confidence," he says. He chose Edinburgh as his destination because he wanted to see the Highlands, drink Scotch and learn about the history - and because a friend told him the city is a great party place.
Roosenboom made friends in advance through a SWAP chat room, and arranged to meet them in Edinburgh. SWAP (which is run by Travel Cuts in Canada) helped him arrange visas and accommodation for the first few days. His biggest pre-departure worries were saving enough money for the trip, waiting for his visa to arrive and packing light.
His "Wow, I'm here" moment came when he stepped off the double-decker airport bus on Waverley Bridge, "with big buses going every which way, strange-looking taxis darting about and, down the valley, Edinburgh Castle with the sun shining behind it," he says. "Was quite the day."
Roosenboom used the U.K. as a home base, travelling to other countries as the opportunity arose. He didn't have to cope with a new language or culture. But he had to adapt to being alone and develop self-reliance. Building up his tolerance for alcohol was also a challenge. "It's all one big party," he says.
Well, not quite. His jobs ran from boring and sometimes unpleasant stints cleaning and working the reception desk at a hostel, where he lived for free, to customer service at a baked-potato shop, where he had fun, and waiter/bartender at an Oxfordshire pub, where he felt like a slave. But he landed on his feet at the Jam House back in Edinburgh, where he became headwaiter and employee of the year, winning a trip for two to Birmingham, with dinner at a five-star restaurant and a night of clubbing.
Roosenboom came home "a completely different person," more comfortable with himself, more sociable and more confident with the opposite sex. His advice to other students considering a working holiday abroad: "Take the plunge! It is freaking scary but once you get there, it is excellent. And most important,
don't plan - just go with it. The random experiences are the best, and the ones you learn most from."
Jacqueline Wong, Toronto
Wong, a pharmacy grad, wanted a chance to observe health care in other parts of the world. She spotted a Horizon Cosmopolite ad for a volunteer job at a clinic in rural AlangAlang on a university career Web site in 2006. Knowing many residents of the Philippines speak English and that she'd be close to other Asian countries she wanted to visit, she jumped at the opportunity.
Wong was a seasoned traveller, having toured Europe, explored Spain on her own and studied in Italy for a month on a university exchange. Still, she was nervous about travel and accommodation. Horizon Cosmopolite liaised with the organization Volunteer for the Visayans, in Tacloban, which arranged her placement and home stay. Wong couldn't attend the pre-trip seminar. But a Lonely Planet guide introduced her to the culture and everyday life in the Philippines.
Her home stay in Tacloban was comfortable and welcoming - her hosts gave her their bedroom - and her days settled into a routine: up at 7 for an hour-long jeepney ride to the clinic where she worked as a receptionist for three weeks, tutoring local kids or relaxing at a coffee shop in downtown Tacloban after work and dinner (typically meat, stir-friend veggies and rice) at her home stay. A volunteer for the Visayans arranged excursions to its projects, local tourist attractions and beaches.
Typhoon season limited travel. But Wong and a friend took a weekend trip to a neighbouring island, where they saw rice paddies and swam in hot springs and under waterfalls. Their driver ran out of gas and they purchased two litres from a roadside stand, which was poured into glass Coke bottles - "the perfect quirky ending to an unusual day," Wong says.
Her biggest challenge was "just letting go of what I knew from living in Canada," she says. "Things are done differently in Tacloban, and I needed
to adjust." Her worst time came after eating balut, a fertilized duck egg that's a local delicacy. It didn't agree, and she had to stay home for a day.
But she enjoyed learning about a different culture, making new friends, picking up a bit of Waray-Waray and seeing how health care is delivered in the Philippines.
"Keep an open mind," she advises would-be international volunteers. "Once you find a program offered by a reliable organization, don't hesitate to register. And once you arrive, enjoy what the country has to offer and don't dwell on preconceptions."
MORE: Weigh the risks and rewards
Working and volunteering abroad are popular gap-year options. Horizon Cosmopolite, a Montreal-based volunteer-placement agency founded in 1997, has seen participation grow to 350 a year from 35 in 1999.
Kids who do it may develop a new sense of direction, greater appreciation for family, freedom and our privileged lifestyle and an understanding of what it's like to be the outsider in an unfamiliar culture. They also get valuable international work experience: 82% of respondents to a July, 2007, survey of employers by the University of Toronto's career centre see travel abroad as an asset on a résumé.
On the downside, volunteering abroad is expensive. Most organizations require participants to raise funds, and the service-industry and ESL teaching jobs travelling students often take tend to be poorly paid and are sometimes exploitive. Loneliness and homesickness can loom large - particularly in places with limited phone and Internet service - and scams, illness, accidents and trouble with foreign authorities are real risks.
The Martlet, the University of Victoria's newspaper, warned readers last fall that Japan's biggest private
language school had ceased paying some of its employees, but was still hiring Canadian students to teach in its schools. In November, British schoolteacher Gillian Gibbons was imprisoned in Sudan for allowing her students there to name a teddy bear after the Easter Bunny. And in March of last year, British teen Georgia French died in a bus crash in the Andes while on a gap-year trip with friends; her parents, having learned that 500 people die each year in similar accidents in Peru, launched GapAid, a Web site meant to alert other kids and parents to scams and country-specific hazards.
Young, inexperienced travellers and those who strike out on their own are most at risk, regardless of their destinations. Jeff Minthorn, editor of Verge magazine, recommends that kids seek out reputable organizations that specialize in arranging international working and volunteering holidays. These NGOs (non-government organizations) help with everything from cultural orientation, travel arrangements and job and volunteer placements to ongoing support in the destination country. Moreover, they will take into account the traveller's goals, expectations and experience.
For example, Travel Cuts would steer an 18-year-old fresh out of high school to a work placement in the United Kingdom rather than, say, South Africa, says Karen Moore, manager of sales and development for the company's international programs. "It's not too far away and not too much of a culture shock. Our partners there help students find work and accommodation with roommates, and even organize social activities."
Students who hook up with well-run organizations tend to get more out their experiences, because they're well prepared and have realistic expectations, says Jonathan Paquet, of Horizon Cosmopolite.
Beyond that, it helps to cultivate personal qualities such as a positive attitude, sense of humour and flexibility. "We all deal differently in a cross-cultural context," Paquet says. "Some people go on a project and only have complaints; another person comes back from the same project only with positive comments."
Sandy Fife, Weekend Post
So hot right now
Update: It should be noted that Popeye Jones in no way asks for, encourages or even is happy about these pictures being posted. Hence, the reoccurence.
Open letter to the tool from West Haven riding on Metro North
Dear tool,
I have found the following facets about you fascinating:
1. All those keggers you threw in high school
2. All those beers you drank in high school
3. All those tailgates you went to in high school
4. When you tell your girlfriend to shut her face
5. The time your dad sold his 7/11
6. The time your dad wouldn't pay alimony
7. Your friends Vinnie, Bobby and Scumbag
8. The time you kicked your mom out of her own house to throw a party in high school
9. Your Denver-the-last-dinosaur fauxhawk
10. Your gravelly kermit the frog voice
11. You rmastery of the word "shit"
12. Your disappointingly hot girlfriend
13. Your plan to have laser-hair-removal surgery so you can stop shaving in your chinstrap
Way to go!
Thanks,
Weekend UpDate™ March 28, 2008
Happy Friday, this week is finally over, for most people at least. And I suggest that you head to some of Manhattan's favorite social gatherings and spend that hard earned money on booze (a 24 oz. domestic can is usually cheaper than bottled water at a deli).
Einstein's birthday was two weeks ago, but since it's the last weekend in March it's still relevant. Here is some knowledge for you....
Albert Einstein's birthday was March 14. He would now be 127. Few people remember that the Nobel Prize winner married his cousin, Elsa Cliental, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919. Einstein said that he was attracted to Elsa because she was well endowed. He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the attraction is stronger if there is a family connection. This came to be known as: Einstein's Theory of Relative Titty.
Joke
A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said,
"Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."
The social worker behind the counter said,
" Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, and he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips and you will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The salary is $200,000 a year."
The guy, wide-eyed, said,
"You're bullshittin' me! "
The social worker said,
"Yeah, well . . you started it".
Bar of the Week
Black Bear Lodge (274 3rd Ave - Between 21st and 22nd)
Bar type: Ski lodge / Hunting lodge themed
Drink specials:
Happy Hour: $3 drafts, $3 Guiness, $4 well drinks, $4 PBR & Natty light cans, $3 Frozen Margaritas, $3 Rolling Rock
Saturday afternoon: Free bomb shot with every pint
Sunday and Monday nights: $12 Bud and Bud Light pitchers
Tuesday and Wednesday nights: $4 Labatts and Magners Cider, $3 after midnight
Friday & Saturday: Weekly specials - on the chalk board outside bar or ask bartenders
Other Weekend Events/Bars
Black Bear Lodge has 3 sister bars:
Bullshead Tavern - (295 Third Ave btw 22nd and 23rd st)
Take the 6 train to 23rd street, walk 2 blocks east to 3rd Ave and make a right on 3rd, East side of the street
Kings Head Tavern - (222 East 14th St btw 2nd and 3rd ave)
Take the 4,5,6,N,R,Q to 14th St, walk 2 blocks east on 14th, West side of street
Whiskey River - (575 2nd Ave btw 31st and 32nd st)
Take the 6 train to 32nd st and walk 2 blocks east to 2nd ave, West side of street
Have a fun safe weekend and if you'd like to have an event posted please let me know.
PIGGY OUT!!!
Einstein's birthday was two weeks ago, but since it's the last weekend in March it's still relevant. Here is some knowledge for you....
Albert Einstein's birthday was March 14. He would now be 127. Few people remember that the Nobel Prize winner married his cousin, Elsa Cliental, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919. Einstein said that he was attracted to Elsa because she was well endowed. He postulated that if you are attracted to women with large breasts, the attraction is stronger if there is a family connection. This came to be known as: Einstein's Theory of Relative Titty.
Joke
A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said,
"Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."
The social worker behind the counter said,
" Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, and he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips and you will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The salary is $200,000 a year."
The guy, wide-eyed, said,
"You're bullshittin' me! "
The social worker said,
"Yeah, well . . you started it".
Bar of the Week
Black Bear Lodge (274 3rd Ave - Between 21st and 22nd)
Bar type: Ski lodge / Hunting lodge themed
Drink specials:
Happy Hour: $3 drafts, $3 Guiness, $4 well drinks, $4 PBR & Natty light cans, $3 Frozen Margaritas, $3 Rolling Rock
Saturday afternoon: Free bomb shot with every pint
Sunday and Monday nights: $12 Bud and Bud Light pitchers
Tuesday and Wednesday nights: $4 Labatts and Magners Cider, $3 after midnight
Friday & Saturday: Weekly specials - on the chalk board outside bar or ask bartenders
Other Weekend Events/Bars
Black Bear Lodge has 3 sister bars:
Bullshead Tavern - (295 Third Ave btw 22nd and 23rd st)
Take the 6 train to 23rd street, walk 2 blocks east to 3rd Ave and make a right on 3rd, East side of the street
Kings Head Tavern - (222 East 14th St btw 2nd and 3rd ave)
Take the 4,5,6,N,R,Q to 14th St, walk 2 blocks east on 14th, West side of street
Whiskey River - (575 2nd Ave btw 31st and 32nd st)
Take the 6 train to 32nd st and walk 2 blocks east to 2nd ave, West side of street
Have a fun safe weekend and if you'd like to have an event posted please let me know.
PIGGY OUT!!!
Who's coming with me?
Opening next weekend is Sex and Death 101, sure to be the worst movies of all time. They couldnt even get the normal trailer voice-over guy. Redeeming quality: looks like the girl from The Skulls plays the (main) love interest
In other movie-related news, check out the guerilla-marketing of I Hate Sarah Marshall, which looks to be another phone'd-in Apatow flick. Not only is there an extensive blog, but there are also a bunch of links to fake myspace and fan sites of auxillary characters. An interesting marketing move that begs the question, who is being paid to maintain these fake sites? Their moms are sure to be proud.
Statch
A friend sent out this article yesterday about three separate cases of teacher/student action that recently took place in Tampa. Check the link for complete details (and mugshots!), but the gist is that three women (28, 45, 40) hooked up to varying degrees with their male students (14-18).
Someone made a binary joke (teacher + student = 1) that got us thinking: there should be a standardized model taking various factors into account when determining how much time, if any, the offending parties should spend in the clink. This is, after all, the country where we judge people first on their looks and then on the facts. Plus, male students in this situation are not always victims.
After a few iterations, we came up with this:
(T/2A) + (LAG - S)(B)(1/H)(1/2*E) = J
T = Teacher's Age
A = Attractiveness (1-10)
LAG = Legal Age of Consent
S = Student's Age
B = Which base did they get to?
H = Number of times
E = Number of students involved, aka Eiffel Towerability
J = Jailtime
This model should account for a number of variables, including regional differences and the degree of complicity on the part of the student. Bankers, you guys love this stuff. Will someone run the numbers and check my math?
Note: There is clearly a degree of gender-bias in this, which I counter with the following: any male teacher preying on students should be automatically removed from society's gene pool. Given the vast percentage of guys who would be absolutely fine with hooking up with a teacher, however, the female-teacher/male-student scenario is a horse of a different color. David Lee would absolutely agree.
The prodigal son to return east
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Austin aka "Almost Salutatorian" is going to business school* in Boston. Send him a congratulatory email / text / love note.
Update: *The school name has been redacted but its Austin - take a fucking guess.
Liveblogging Silverado
10:58. Welp, Paden is the sheriff now and the rest of the guys are going to California. Folks are riding off and the credits start to run, but something's run. Things pause. Oh no, someone's gonna have to go back a get a shitload of dimes. GOOD NIGHT FOLKS!10:55: Alright, it's the big show down. Paden v. Cobb.
"Goodbye, Paden." "Goodbye, Cobb."
Paden shoots Cobb. Lame. Where's Costner!?
10:52: Other montages available from arizonaluv: Swayze, Travolta, Banderas, JLo, The Rock, Catherine Zeta Jones, Ashley Judd, Harrison Ford, Vigo Mortensen, Kate Hudson, Ryan Gosling, and Vin Diesel.
10:50: Great shootout scene with Costner v. two deps. Looked for a clip on youtube, but all I found was this:
nice work, arizonaluv
10:48: Glover just stabbed Jeff Goldblum (presumably for that whole vit-d thing). I had zero clue Jeff was a baddy. Has he ever been a bad guy in another other movie ever? I feel misled.
10:44: Mustang Sally is dying -- Jeff Goldblum must have the Clap.
10:38: Tomorrow on AMC: Death Wish IV "The CrackDown" and Death Wish V "The Face of Death". Apparenly Death Wish VIII "What Am I So Angry About, Again?" didn't make the cut.
10:34: COSTNER! And he just swung in from a barn on a rope. WHere've you been, they ask. "Playing dead." Tits. We retract that last Waterworld call.
10:31: Axe and Glover are riding their horses somewhere and Kevin Kline just joined them. But where's Costner? Crowd assumes he's somewhere drinking his own pee.
10:24: And they each have three shotguns. Awesome. So back to the top guns question. No doubt we've got the Sundance Kid on the list. The Waco Kid. Doc Holliday in Tombstone. Who else?
10:23: Axes took off his bandana. Danny Glover is nodding. Huh?
10:21: Happy so far, although there's hasn't been too much pinpoint shooting. Axe made a can jump with 7 or 8 straight shots, but that's about it. IT's got me wondering who the best shots in Western history are. We'll get to that in a minute, the music just picked up and something exciting is happening.
10:18: Mal is in jail, and one of the deputy's brought his sister in and is feeling her up. Sister has a knife in her boot (there's a SNAKE in my boot...) OH and she just stabbed the dep in the back. The dep staggers against the bars, Mal is choking him. ANother dude comes in, shoots the sister, and somehow someone throws the knife into the second dep's sternum. Scene change. Whoa.
10:05: They just shot Wilson. It hit him in the shoulder, but the soundtrack tells us he's done for. 12-year old Forrest is distraught.
10:04: Costner is either related to or buddies with Wilson from Home Improvement. Ironically, Kev just walked into a trap to find Wilson and the rest of his family bound and gagged. Wilson's face is covered from the nose down.
9:47: To catch you up to speed on the major developments:
- Danny Glover is Mal. Mal left home for unclear reasons when we was young. Now he's back, his Pappy just got shot by the sheriffs' men over a land dispute, and Mal's sister is a prostitute.
- Kevin Kline is Paden and he's in debt to Brian Dennehy (Sheriff Cobb). Now he helps run the gambling at Cobb's saloon along with Stella, that short old lady who played the principal in Kindergarten Cop.
- Costner is Jake and Axe (aka Scott Glenn) is Emmett. Don't know their stories.
- Cobb killed a dude, not sure why.
- Jeff Goldblum is sleeping with Mal's sister and half his wardrobe consists of raccoon skin. Christian Siriano disapproves.
Tuesday night cinema
If anyone is reading this right now, Silverado is on AMC right now and it's pretty amazing. I've never seen it before and I missed the first hour, but as far as I can tell its a Western about a bunch of guys who return to a town they have history in and things are working up to some sort of confrontation/shootout/battle royale with the Sheriffs' corrupt men.
The good guys are Danny Glover, Kevin Kline, Axe from Backdraft, and THE Kevin Costner. Bad guys are Brian Dennehy and John Cleese. Oh, and Jeff Goldblum just showed up.
Seems like a good opportunity to experiment in another blog-medium: the liveblog.
Stay tuned.
Kevin Francis is good at skiing, wins Nationals
Dartmouth '06* Kevin Francis has been tearing it up on the NorAm circuit. This past weekend, Kevin won a Nationals Super G race at Sugarloaf, cementing his spot at next year's the World Cup events.
Kevin's rise to the top has not been without adversity, however. Kevin Francis is old. He's like 30. He also broke his leg a few years ago, forcing him to stay at school for longer than 10 weeks at a time. And if that all wasn't enough, his good friend and fellow future Dartmouth '16 graduate Pat Biggs made it to the World Cup circuit (and Olympics wakka wakka) first.
Battling all these setbacks, Kevin P. has fought back and is clearly living the dream. Way to go Kev
Colorado, The Sensitive State
Somehow, in the land of 40 MPH left-lane driving and bible-thumping mega-churches, this emerged:
Which is just entirely awesome. If I hadn't just eaten 3 Cadbury eggs (Jews love Easter!), maybe I'd now be motivated to go to the gym. But then there's this one:
...which just makes you want to take a scalding hot shower.
This would have also been an appropriate advertisement for D's new Fitness Center, AKA the Type-A playground. Anyone remember that crazy girl who used to balance her laptop on the elliptical?
Which is just entirely awesome. If I hadn't just eaten 3 Cadbury eggs (Jews love Easter!), maybe I'd now be motivated to go to the gym. But then there's this one:
...which just makes you want to take a scalding hot shower.
This would have also been an appropriate advertisement for D's new Fitness Center, AKA the Type-A playground. Anyone remember that crazy girl who used to balance her laptop on the elliptical?
WE'RE GOING TO HOOTS!
Seriously. It's the Hooters on 56th and Broadway.Why?
Because they have lots of TVs for March Madness. Because my bosses, eschewing any sense of tact or decor, gave me two $50 gift certificates for my birthday. And because it's Good Friday, duh!
Class is in session
Its a common misconception (usually made by girls) that guys will put up with a certain amount of crazy in a girl if she's hot. That is false. A guy will put up with ANY amount of crazy in a girl if she's hot. Case in point: Britney Spears. I've loved her since the minute TRL went to commercial break post-Baby One More Time. I have therefore decided to chronicle Britney's life and my direct role in it, documenting whether I would have hit that shit ("HTS") and/or married her.
End of 1998: Britney video for Baby One More Time comes out - HTS, Married
1999: Oops I did it again - Cmon, catsuit? HTS. Questionable marriage material but yes
2000: Justin and Britney were dating I think, Still would hit / marry, despite this
2004: Marries Federline - Would still hit, though word / videos of her being insane pop up; marriage legally impossible
2005: Pops out Baby 1 - would still hit that
2006: Baby 2 - Still HTS
Late 2006: Divorce - HTS / Marry
2007: Ahh 2007... Britney, I love you and I always will, but this is when I will stop hitting that shit. Why? No, it wasnt the ugly custody battle or drug addiction to short rehab stint. To be honest, it was this . Marriage, but only for the money (and the chance to make it on Perez).
2008: Potentially back to HTS if she stays off the meth.
Any questions? Class dismissed.
Update: I just saw the latest South Park, and despite my generally positive tone in this message, I feel pretty bad for adding to the fray
Changed my mind
Instead of being a tall white guy that can pass behind the back, I'd rather be an asian rapper. Besides being sponsored by a famous producer / rapper and his uber-overpriced clothing label, it would probably be an easier transition
Happy Fake Friday everyone
Today's Obama speech
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Transcript of what likely will considered an historic speech here
NY Times article breaking it down
Note: In an effort to keep the blog relatively unbiased, I planned to put a picture of McCain or Hillary. Unfortunately they are both too ugly to post.
I'm special!
I'm sure everyone thinks this, but I'd like to believe my personality doesn't fit into any particular mold. I attribute this to three factors, with which I will list / explain with no prompting whatsoever.
1) When I was in 3rd grade, I decided to be just like my older cousin. I imagine this to be typical for a third grader to do, except my cousin was pretty into the urban scene. He was always a quiet kid, but he would wear baggy clothes and listen to guys like Wreckx-N-Effect and Jon B.
2) I grew up in predominately white area so my newfound love for rap and oversized Cross Colours jean shorts didn't quite fit in. To offset this, I got a bowl-cut, which I carried through until 7th grade. Coincidentally, this is the period in my life I was most successful getting chicks*
3) I skied and played tennis, two of the preppiest sports out there. But I also tried to do extreme shit like coughrollerbladecough, skateboard and freestyle walk. Selvin, I know its bullshit to put skateboarding in the same category as those other two but its true. Besides, the bowl cut worked out well with all those helmets.
Now, all grown up, I have a standard issue haircut and some sickies Brooks Brothers shirts. But just the other day I get an email from a high school friend that reminded me there are people like me out there. Check out Brent Barry (below)
Unlike Grayson Boucher AKA "The Professor" or Jason Williams, Brent Barry doesn't show you how he plays by looking at him. He is an anomaly. Dude looks like he fell out of a cornfield, but he's got some of the sickest moves I've ever seen. Thats what I want. Besides being able to dunk something bigger than a nailclipper, I want people to have to learn some things about me besides just what they've heard. I have a feeling these will do just the trick
*This isn't true, I get chicks all the time now**
**This isn't true
Passing judgment
The population density of New York City's 5 boroughs is 26,403 people per square mile. If you consider Manhattan alone, that number leaps to 66,904. And those staggering numbers combine with an absurd range of incomes, personalities, looks, cultures, and levels of sanity to make NYC one of the world's great people-watching venues. This brings me to the subject of a new AMDAL series and one of my favorite pastimes -- judging others.
Each week in this space, we will bring you our thoughts on others. They may be famous. They may be strangers. They may even be you (but probably not). This week's subject: my gym.
Going to the gym was never a great habit of mine in college. Maybe if Kresge had opened sooner than two months before graduation things would have been different. As it stood, however, the close quarters and hard-boiled interior were never quite the inspiration I needed to become anything more than a semi-frequent visitor.
But since landing a deskjob, gym time is much more necessary. I acknowledge that my job is cake compared to most (hi bankers!), but any work is stressful and many days I leave the office feeling like this:
Fortunately there's the gym: a place to work off stress, a sanctuary from the madness outside, and a great place to judge others.
It's comforting to work out alongside many of my gym's regulars.
There's Regrettable Tattoos guy, whose matching stars tat'd up on the back of each tricep belie a surely steadfast devotion to the transformative powers of Jem and the Holograms.
His insistence on displaying your stars with a never-ending array of sleeveless jerseys is ever the inspiration when I'm thinking skipping out on that military press.There's Ambiguously Gendered Sweatpants Wearer, who epitomizes my own goals of becoming buffed, beautiful, and bitchin'. I will never skip breakfast again!
And then there's Charo.
Oh Charo... I'm pretty sure she's older than dirt, but by golly are her breasts perky. Those inclined flies and whatever she keeps in that fanny pack must really be doing the trick. And she's always working out with her beau, Hugo Chavez, so I never know when to expect their next socialist musical number. That's nice cuz it keeps me on my toes.
There are actually lots of celebrity doppelgangers at my gym -- there's even a bizarro Danny Ellman -- but the guy who inspires me above all else has to be fake Louie Anderson.
I fully support the fact that he does only presses and no cardio. I find strength in his refusal to wear only gray t-shirts despite his profuse sweating. And I am ever impressed by the amount of time he spends in the locker room... ass naked. Nothing says confidence in one's self like flossing one's own crack in public. What an inspiration.Thank you, one and all.
That's What She Said.....
*Addendum: This is not just some pic I found online and felt compelled to post due to an infantile sense of humor. Rather, it's a photo I took today while out for lunch, and felt compelled to post due to an infantile sense of humor.
We're In The Money
If worry about the American economy causes the dollar to plummet, and the plummeting dollar causes people to worry about the American economy, then why don't people just stop worrying?
Alternately, could business journalists please be schooled in logic and sentence structure so that maybe their articles wouldn't lead me to think this a possible solution?
Kicks in the Balls
The great thing about soccer, as lauded by peoples everywhere, is the simplicity and accessibility of the game. Kids can make a ball out of rags/a shrunken head and can basically go to town. More to the point, I have a soccer game tonight and I needed to go shopping for some stuff. I had a shopping list of three things:
1. spandex shorts
2. shinguards
3. turf shoes
Not hard right? In and out.
First place I went was Sports Authority on 51st and 3rd cause their website had a kick-ass selection of soccer shoes and their name espouses their dominance in the sports market.
1. spandex shorts
2. shinguards
3. turf shoes
Not hard right? In and out.
First place I went was Sports Authority on 51st and 3rd cause their website had a kick-ass selection of soccer shoes and their name espouses their dominance in the sports market.
Got there, no soccer shoes, no shinguards, but damn, what a selection of ankle braces and swim goggles. Shit, alright, one redeeming point, they had almost two floors of underarmour and underarmour accessories for my spandex needs. I’m not really surprised. It seems like today every duane reade and barnes and noble can clothe a championship road-biking team. What are people doing with this much spandex? Are they wearing it to bed or to work? Does my boss have a sleeveless spandex top and full leggings on right now under his suit? Come on, granted that the underarmour mannequins look great with those perky abs/nipples and I spend half my time in there stealing furtive glances at them, that’s not what most shoppers in there look like. In the words of Peyton Manning, they should just buy bigger shirts.
The SA employees next send me to the largest Footlocker in the city on 45th and Broadway guaranteeing that they will have soccer shoes. I get there and the stimulus for this rant is set. When I grew up Footlocker was the gold standard for sports shoes. They had cleats, they had socks, and hell, their employees were knowledgeable. Too much to ask? Anyway, here was a monster store with nothing but basketball shoes, Crocs, Tims, and those skater/selvin/Turtle’s shoes from Entourage.
- First off, basketball shoes are a good start even though I doubt kids in the city who buy these shoes are playing much basketball which is good because I don’t see these shoes holding up at speeds faster than a strut
- Crocs, OK they have a place, but I don’t need 18 color choices for a clog-hybrid
- Tim’s, I probably shouldn’t get started with these, but a $200 boot for walking on dry city sidewalks is bullshit. In my day $20 Walmart Brahma’s looked the exact same and made it through pledge term/the psi u basement and are currently smiling up at me from my apartment floor ready to go tramping through any future disgusting shit.
- Now for the glorified walking shoes. I’ll preface by saying that I think some of these shoes are cool. The retro nikes and others are fine. I just hate to see ¾ of a Footlocker devoted to these things. There are so many that they run out of good colors and revert to puke browns/yellows/greens in odd Kandinskyesque patterns that remind me again of my pledge term boots during various activities. Then there are the puma and adidas euro ones that are the bastard child of my generations beloved adidas samba’s that were, gasp, originally indoor soccer shoes. I think they basically took the soccer shoe, stripped it of any kind of support and cushioning (the reason one would buy a shoe) and then curled up the tread all around the edges so that just in case you are climbing a rock wall, you will be able to grip with the upper part of your pinky toe.
Needless to say, they had none of the REAL soccer shoes.
After impatiently waiting for 10 minutes for the two footlocker employees to finish their conversation, they told me to go to Champs for cleats at 42nd street. I get there, surprise, no soccer shoes. At this point I’m disillusioned and tired and I finally end up in Modell’s by my own accord. They had a couple pairs of indoor shoes (not turfs but I don’t care at this point) and some crappy shinguards so I made my purchase and left.
In conclusion:
Fuck You Sports Authority, Fuck You Footlocker, Fuck You Champs,
Modell’s, You’re Cool…… I’m Out
My Freshman Year Roomate
As I'm sure has been the case with millions of college students past and present, I arrived at my dorm on the first day of freshman year to discover that, other than a similar vertically challenged stature and a waning adherence to the tenets of Judaism, I had very little in common with my two roomates. As the year went on, I gradually tried to impose my interests and lifestyle upon them. This proved only moderately successful, as they both transfered to different schools when the year was up.
However, by mid-winter, I came to realize that, despite his rather reticent demeanor, my roomate Jake was actually completely insane, but in the coolest of ways. He seemed to lack the ability to properly gauge the amount of bodily harm that could result from particular actions he attempted. After more or less getting kicked off of Ski Patrol for doing a backflip, in uniform, off of a dangerously small kicker in the "park", he proceeded to show me a home video recording of him attempting backflips off of an even smaller jump, over and over, often landing upside down on his head and not getting up for a few seconds.
As spring rolled around, I had learned to more effectively pry him from his studies and convince him to hang out. When the weather got nice, there was a period of about 3 weeks between when the steaming mud pit that was campus finally dried up and stopped smelling like fertilizer, and when the swarm of caterpillars laid siege to Dartmouth, that I taught Jake how to skateboard. He exhibited equally little fear, and as soon as he gained his balance, he immediately began trying to roll off of a 4' loading dock in the parking lot behind Richardson. He spent hours a day attempting the drop, often twisting ankles, skinning knees and hands, or worse. I remember him limping a lot over those few weeks. I think he finally landed it once, just before the caterpillar onslaught.
Anyway, the point of this long-winded story, aside from a need to prove to myself that I can still remember things from before the haze that was three years in the Dartmouth Greek system, is that this video immediately reminded me of Jake. I am confident that, were he not a Rhodes Scholar, he'd be doing something like this today.
Weekend UpDate™ March 14, 2008
Happy day before Friday, the weekend is almost here. And if you want to start the weekend early, I have a very cost efficient way to do that. Get your laundry money and head to the Upper West Side to the Weekend UpDate™'s BAR OF THE WEEKEND, Bourbon Street (407 Amsterdam Ave). They offer some of the best drink specials in the city.
The joke of the week is in honor of St. Patrick's Day (Monday).
Joke
The French President, is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.
"Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"
"Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is meself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!"
Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Chirac asks.
"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."
Chirac sighs amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke."
"Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!"
Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!"
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Chirac! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war."
"Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Chirac. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and we decided there is no fookin' way we can feed 200,000 prisoners.
Bar of the Week
Bourbon Street (407 Amsterdam Ave)
Bar type: College, Marti Gras themed
Drink specials:
Every Thursday: $0.50 bud drafts (9-11), $1 bud drafts (11-1) and $2 bud drafts (1-4)
Every Friday: $0.50 bud drafts (9-11)
Every Wednesday: $0.50 Coors light cans (9-11), $1 Coors light cans (11-2)
March 15 & 17th $10 pitchers
Other Weekend Events/Bars
South Street Seaport Irish Stroll
Saturday March 15, 1pm-9pm
Register at Pier 17 Entrance
Cost: $10 w/2 cans of food; $15 w/out (benefits City Harvest)
$2 Miller Lite drafts, $3 Miller Chill, $3.50 Sparks
Participating bars - Seaport Cafe, II Porto, Paris Bar, Vino & Beer, Nathan's Famous, JP Mustard, Macmenamin's, Pacific Grill, Cyber Cigar Coffee Bar, Wine and Chill and Sequoia
McSorley's Old Ale House - (15 E 7th St between 2nd and 3rd - 6 train to Astor)
Only two kinds of beer available, McSorley’s Light and McSorley’s Dark – and no stools.
Molly's Pub & Restaurant, Shebeen - (287 3rd Ave near 22nd St - 6 train to 23rd)
Sawdust on the floor and a log-burning fireplace. The pub is famous for its Shepherd's Pie and well-poured pints of Guinness.
Swift Bar - (34 E 4th btwn Lafayette and Bowery - Orange line to Broadway or 6 train to Bleeker)
Swift offers one of the city’s best draft selections, a laid-back atmosphere, and a pleasingly diverse crowd. If you get bored at Swift, you can take a free shuttle to one of Swift’s sister pubs – Ulysses at 95 Pearl Street (212-482-0400) or Puck Fair at 28 Lafayette Street (212-431-1200).
Paddy McGuire's Ale House - (237 3rd Ave between 19th and 20th - 6 train to 23rd)
Paddy’s boasts that they offer the largest pint of Guinness below 20th Street. In addition, Paddy’s has 16 beers on tap and three TVs showing sporting events from football to beach volleyball. The original doors from Ireland give the pub an authentic touch.
Doc Watson's - (1490 2nd Ave between 77th and 78th St - Green line to 86th)
Doc Watson's is a great neighborhood Irish pub on the Upper East Side. There's a garden in the back where you can enjoy your pint al fresco in warm weather. You'll also find a pool table, darts, and great live traditional Irish music on Sunday nights.
St. Patrick's Day Parade
Monday March 17, 11am
Starts at 44th Street and 5th Ave and proceeds up 5th Ave to 86th St.
Have a fun safe weekend.
PIGGY OUT!!
The joke of the week is in honor of St. Patrick's Day (Monday).
Joke
The French President, is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.
"Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"
"Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is meself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!"
Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Chirac asks.
"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."
Chirac sighs amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke."
"Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!"
Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!"
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Chirac! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war."
"Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Chirac. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and we decided there is no fookin' way we can feed 200,000 prisoners.
Bar of the Week
Bourbon Street (407 Amsterdam Ave)
Bar type: College, Marti Gras themed
Drink specials:
Every Thursday: $0.50 bud drafts (9-11), $1 bud drafts (11-1) and $2 bud drafts (1-4)
Every Friday: $0.50 bud drafts (9-11)
Every Wednesday: $0.50 Coors light cans (9-11), $1 Coors light cans (11-2)
March 15 & 17th $10 pitchers
Other Weekend Events/Bars
South Street Seaport Irish Stroll
Saturday March 15, 1pm-9pm
Register at Pier 17 Entrance
Cost: $10 w/2 cans of food; $15 w/out (benefits City Harvest)
$2 Miller Lite drafts, $3 Miller Chill, $3.50 Sparks
Participating bars - Seaport Cafe, II Porto, Paris Bar, Vino & Beer, Nathan's Famous, JP Mustard, Macmenamin's, Pacific Grill, Cyber Cigar Coffee Bar, Wine and Chill and Sequoia
McSorley's Old Ale House - (15 E 7th St between 2nd and 3rd - 6 train to Astor)
Only two kinds of beer available, McSorley’s Light and McSorley’s Dark – and no stools.
Molly's Pub & Restaurant, Shebeen - (287 3rd Ave near 22nd St - 6 train to 23rd)
Sawdust on the floor and a log-burning fireplace. The pub is famous for its Shepherd's Pie and well-poured pints of Guinness.
Swift Bar - (34 E 4th btwn Lafayette and Bowery - Orange line to Broadway or 6 train to Bleeker)
Swift offers one of the city’s best draft selections, a laid-back atmosphere, and a pleasingly diverse crowd. If you get bored at Swift, you can take a free shuttle to one of Swift’s sister pubs – Ulysses at 95 Pearl Street (212-482-0400) or Puck Fair at 28 Lafayette Street (212-431-1200).
Paddy McGuire's Ale House - (237 3rd Ave between 19th and 20th - 6 train to 23rd)
Paddy’s boasts that they offer the largest pint of Guinness below 20th Street. In addition, Paddy’s has 16 beers on tap and three TVs showing sporting events from football to beach volleyball. The original doors from Ireland give the pub an authentic touch.
Doc Watson's - (1490 2nd Ave between 77th and 78th St - Green line to 86th)
Doc Watson's is a great neighborhood Irish pub on the Upper East Side. There's a garden in the back where you can enjoy your pint al fresco in warm weather. You'll also find a pool table, darts, and great live traditional Irish music on Sunday nights.
St. Patrick's Day Parade
Monday March 17, 11am
Starts at 44th Street and 5th Ave and proceeds up 5th Ave to 86th St.
Have a fun safe weekend.
PIGGY OUT!!
Prison is Better?
I tend to like my job, but now I am entirely certain I have many wrong (right?) turns and should have just gone to prison. These are prisoners in the Philippines who are required to dance, sometimes up to 5 hours a day. Last year, they performed Thriller. And now, they have taken on the hottest thing to imitate- Soulja Boy.
So, is prison really that bad? I spent some time working with women at a correctional facility in Vermont, and they spent most of the time asking me to shove tobacco up my bum and sneak it through the gates- I would say they weren't having the best time. The following statement is entirely naive and insensitive, but I'd say there are definitely things I do that seem worse than choreographed dance and, thus, by transitive property, prison in the Philippines.
I'll name two: formatting Powerpoints, and mopping the kitchen floor.
You?
But was she worth it?
I mean clearly she's a 1*, and if you check out her myspace page (stay classy, NY Times) there are some better pics, but seriously, Spitzer could have bought a lot of beers** with $1,000.
I think we should all take this opportunity to reflect on our own ideas of morality: what exactly did Spitzer do wrong here? Clearly, he broke the law. Its probably safe to say his wife wasnt keen to the idea (though it is 2008). I think the real problem everyone is having is that he's paying for sex. Clinton was the fucking president and McCain, who has admitted to prior marital transgressions and has recently been accused of more, could very well take the oval office. Spitzer was merely a governor in a relatively liberal state. Couldnt the public have overlooked this? Guess not.
This brings me to the question of the day (thanks to Blumberg / SF crew and Hank for bringing this east):
Would you pay $1 dollar for sex?
-No, it doesnt count if youre buying drinks/dinner for him/her
-Yes, it has to be propositioned / understood that if you give him/her a dollar, (s)he will F* you
* Binary scale: 1 or 0. Get it? Ah, it was funny in college
** Beers as currency: Honestly, there are few better metrics. It puts everything into perspective, from the nightly cab ride to those new Dunks you are checking out. Try it out in your daily life
Intolerable people
Following on the public interest tip, I had some thoughts on Linda Hirshman's response to this week's Spitzer calamity that I felt were worth sharing. The piece, posted on Slate shortly after the Gov'na's resignation, argues that Silda Spitzer is largely to blame for finding herself in her current position: the now-socially-damaged wife of yet another unfaithful (male) public servant.While Hirshman doesn't specifically place the blame for the former-governor's $10K transgressions on his wife's shoulders, she does everything but:
She goes on to list Spitzer's Harvard and professional credentials then balks at her subsequent decision to "opt out" of her own career to raise her children, pursue philanthropy, and support Eliot's. "It all looked so perfect," sneers Hirshman as she describes the life of an upper-class, Upper East existence.Everyone is asking what he could have been thinking: Gary Hart, Bill Clinton, Newt Gingrich, David Vitter, all caught, all paying a price—many a very high price. The guy had a perfect law-school test score. Don't they teach reasoning by analogy at Harvard Law School? But why not ask the same question about her? She went to Harvard, too. Eleanor Roosevelt, Jacqueline Kennedy, the first Mrs. Gingrich on her hospital bed. Silda Spitzer could not have been ignorant of the history of alpha-male politicians; she called Hillary herself. What could she have done? What can any woman do?
How about this: Don't quit your day job.
Throughout the piece she does her best to paint the situation as a modern Bonfire of the Vanities, describing Spitzer as "standing mutely at his side" and "another blond deer caught in the headlights".
First, she was silently by his side because it was his press conference, which lasted less than a minute. Second, if I were in a similarly embarrassed/vulnerable position, I hope people wouldn't fault me for remaining just as silent. Lastly, the "mute" carries with it implications of subjugation and stupidity that are both inaccurate and inappropriate. Plus, generalizing her a stereotypical "blond" is completely antithetical to the female empowerment Hirshman claims to espouse in the first place!
I looked Hirshman up, and I guess her notoriety draws chiefly from her 2006 book, Get to Work: A Manifesto for Women of the World, which discusses successful women who "opt out" of their careers for a domestic life.
While I am sure she knows more on the subject than I do, I think it's pretty unconscionable that she takes this opportunity -- surely the most humiliating moment in Silda Spitzer's life -- to promote her own cause by publicly lambast Spitzer as an exemplar of what is wrong with "the opt-out revolutionaries".
UPDATE: Saw this on Gawker: fortunately, there are others among us a little more sensitive to Silda Spitzer's situation.
Nothing funny here
Just straight interesting
I would also recommend checking out other Charlie Rose interviews, including Jay Z (pretty funny when Charlie Rose tries to be cool) and Brad Pitt (because Brad Pitt is dreamy)
Update: Jay Z link is now actually a Jay Z link instead of just another Brad Pitt link. I've thrown in a Charlie Rose vs. Angelina Jolie clip to assure my masculinity
Video dump
A little immature, but fuck it. It's Monday and I'm already feeling lazy! Hey, yeh, yeh, yeh! 1, 2, 3, 4! Fucking with the Count!
I Feel Exposed
I just saw this website for the first time: http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/. I feel as if everything I really enjoy is there. Expensive sandwiches, microbreweries, Arrested Development, irony- they even revealed my desire for multilingual children. THEY'VE TAPPED INTO MY BRAIN. This is crap. Here's the short list of things from there I don't actually like:- Assists- I don't really care about sports
- Writer's Workshops
- Wrigley Field- again, sports
- Standing still at concerts- I prefer to dance awkwardly
- The idea of soccer
Back to work...
Justice - "DVNO"
This is the coolest music video I've seen since, well, Justice's video for "D.A.N.C.E.", which beat out Kanye for Best Video at the 2006 European MTV Video Awards. The upset caused 'Ye's gigantic ego to rush the stage in the middle of Justice's acceptance speech. He then proceeded to hire So Me, the very art director responsible for the "D.A.N.C.E" video (and "DVNO"), to direct and animate the video for "Goodlife", the quintessential example of why Kanye should stick to production work and stay off the mic. T-Pain, on the other hand, should go back to the jungles of South America, Schwarzenegger may still be out there.
Justice is playing this Tuesday night (March 11) at the Wamu Theater at Madison Square Garden. There are still some tickets left in the nosebleed section.
Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose!
Praise be to Neel Shah, among others:
Over at Deadline Hollywood, blogger Nikki Finke is reporting that NBC and Direct TV will share the financial cost of ensuring that a third season of the critically acclaimed, under-watched drama about high-school football in small town America will see the light of day.
I'd been holding off on watching the Feb. 8th episode -- I couldn't bear that it might be our last.
But since it's not, time to talk predictions:
- Grandma's going down at some point in Season 3: I expected this to happen pretty soon after she bought that diamond tiara in Season 1, but she keeps trucking along. (Must be all those Snackwells.) Don't get me wrong. I love Grandma as much as you do, but she's living on borrowed time and everyone knows it. On the plus side, this could bring both Papa Saracen and Carlotta back into the picture.
- Something big with Street: Honestly, I have no idea what, but it seems they've written themselves into a corner with Jason. Maybe Herc dies suddenly and Street copes by training like a madman and going to the paralympics? Maybe the crazy poop girl from WheelchairLovers.com finds and abducts him? Maybe he just gets more tattoos? Whatever it is, they've got to do something. Street's been sidelined for far too long.
- Tyra/Landry pregnancy scare: The over/under on this one is 5 episodes. Wait... on second thought, I hope they save this one for Lila and G*dboy.
5 Reasons this video makes me feel extremely sad
5) They couldnt give the kid a table
4) The bobble at 11 seconds
3) The quote: "This child has the most extraordinary brain"
2) The fact that the aformentioned quote comes at the same exact time as the aformentioned bobble
1) It reminded me of my childhood, but with more cups and less adoration
Riggins to play X-Men character, leave FNL?
Riggins is set to be cast in the new Wolverine movie, which will be coming out in the distant future. Riggins will be playing Gambit, a good-guy mutant that makes stuff explode when he touches them
I am personally conflicted with this because as much as I want to see a beer drinking, biddy-slaying high school linebacker speak in cajun, huck exploding cards and continue to slay biddies, I am worried what effect this may have on the show. Could this Hollywood move take him out of Dillon forever? If so, who's going to keep Smash in line? Who's going to get Saracen drunk? Who's going to personally ensure that the Dillon liquor store stays in business and that all Church-going pretty-boys should watch their backs? Not Lance / Landry, thats for sure.
