Fck Madonna
I never liked Madonna. Albert thinks I'm not nice to girls I dont find attractive. Not true. I just dont like girls with gap teeth. I kid - no, Madonna is just a control-freak bitch who is jealous that her husband, Guy Ritchie, consistently puts out cooler shit than she does. Some say their pending divorce was due to a fall from a horse. Others say the sex scheduled around gym workouts did them in. I say it's because Guy Ritchie is too cool of a dude. Case in point: Director's clip of Nike ad by Ritchie above (commercial one here). Cheer up Madge, at least you can bench more than him.
Teddy lives, lets loose
It appears the media has burned through all its resources leading up to the election, resorting to some desperate tactics. In one of the stranger articles since this classic, the NY Times has recently been employing seances to glean wisdom from leaders past. In today's paper, Colonel Theodore Roosevelt is questioned about the current election, state of the economy and whether he'd consider himself a Republican (spoiler: "no"). Classic quote on Bush: "He looks like Judas, but unlike that gentleman has no capacity for remorse."
Read on, angleworms.
Don Draper's guide to picking up women
And I thought it was
1) Wear only Brooks Brothers signature shirts
2) Own AND use a money clip
3) Get very drunk in settings that have any potential for male/female encounters (hello 2 train)
4) Look at women until they're too uncomfortable not to make out with you
The H is O
See more Adam "Ghost Panther" McKay videos at Funny or Die
This is funny to 2 other people I know. I dare you to laugh. Also, for your own sanity, turn it off before the last minute.
Natalie Portman fixes the economy...and my heart
See more Natalie Portman videos at Funny or Die
Nothing temporarily quells the pangs of post-homecoming depression like Natalie Portman. Even when she's discussing the "serious issues" with a B level TV star, I can still see the good of it all.
Outrageous Financial Package Just Announced Under TARP
US Treasury Develops Innovative Financial Derivative to Participate in the Equity Upside of Banks It Supports; The Product is Known as a Convertible Undated Note Transferable into Stock or CU*Ts*
Washington, DC - 17 October, 2008 - As part of Hank Paulson’s TARP package, the US Treasury has developed an innovative financial product in order to give the Treasury and the US Taxpayer an opportunity to participate in the equity upside of the banks the Fed is currently supporting. The offering, known as a Convertible Undated Note Transferable into Stock or CU*Ts, is the product of weeks of deliberations between the US Treasury and Major Financial Institutions around the nation. The breakthrough came early this week when a number of leading officials met with Hank Paulson and Senior officials at the Treasury Department. It is rumored, according to a source close to the negotiations, that when the Treasury’s capital investment plan was presented in a summary term sheet to the CEOs, one of them dropped his head into his hands in despair and uttered “CU*Ts”, to which a Treasury official after closely analyzing the intricacies of the term sheet soberly replied “correct." No one is quite sure where the idea for the product and its acronym actually originated, though members of the Washington media elite are speculating it may have in fact originated from Joe The Plumber and his neighbor Derek the Drywall Guy. When asked by media this week how he would propose resolving the financial crisis, he responded, "When it comes to the Wall Street stimulus package, I think CU*Ts will play an integral role..."
* breaking news brought to you by the guy behind searchles.com
The Littlest Bigot
In case you need further inspiration for boot-raiding Heorot after the bonfire...
Better or worse than this? I can't decide.
Better or worse than this? I can't decide.
Homecoming - w00t!
It must be some cruel game the Generic Good Morning Message ("GGMM") writers are playing with me. Despite repeatedly sending "Please take me off this list...", I'm greeted with mean-spirited emails about me like this one (got the class year wrong NBD). And no, Lance/Dobbins/Forrest/Meredith, I dont normally open these horrible pieces of writing but for the first time ever, it actually came in the morning - I had to at least give credit where credit was due.
Happy Homecoming and welcome back to all equally sweet alums. Yay Pledges!
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Scott ___
Date: Fri, Oct 17, 2008 at 7:05 AM
Subject: Good Morning
To: GOOD-MORNING@listserv.dartmouth.edu
This is the Generic Good Morning Message for Friday, October 17, 2008.
What up Dartmouth world, it's me. You know, that '05 who comes back for every big weekend? Hoooooooomecoming number eight! Yeah I know, at some point it's just too sketchy. Haha, but fortunately I haven't hit that point yet. See all my boys are the '07s bros I know. No one in my class really liked me that much, but when the '07s joined my house they all looked up to me and thought I was THE MAN. So anyways, those '07s know the '09s, so man the '09s must think I'm just legendary based on what the '07s tell them. Dartmouth has treated me good, man. Yeah I suppose in high school I sucked ass. My head was too big or my hair was too curly, but whatever, dude. As soon as I came to Dartmouth, joined a frat, got validated, picked up a few witticisms and impressed the hell out of underclassmen, my life really took off. There wasn't enough time to enjoy that brief year or two when I got [what I misinterpreted as] respect, so I just have to drive back up three times a year. I can't wait to get down and dominate the basement scene. Once a pongstar, always a pongstar. They dig me here, man, they dig me. Why would I ever stop coming? My life is the opposite of sad and pathetic. See you at Carnival!
Debate Prep
Not sure how many folks read Marc Ambinder's blog over on TheAtlantic.com, but you saw this posted earlier today if you do. I reposted the video below, and the similarities are uncanny:
Per tradition, Dobbins and I will likely crab over gChat throughout tonight's debate. With one exception, AMDAL hasn't really ventured into the realm of liveblogging, but if we or Ro have any grand insights afterwards, maybe we'll throw them up.
Per tradition, Dobbins and I will likely crab over gChat throughout tonight's debate. With one exception, AMDAL hasn't really ventured into the realm of liveblogging, but if we or Ro have any grand insights afterwards, maybe we'll throw them up.
Buy High, Sell Low?
The market is going crazy and for many of you, the idea of investing in the stock market is insane. False. The idea of investing is a great idea. I'm no financier (anymore) but my portfolio manager (Albert) says there's a lot of cheap equity out there. So Monday morning the markets rallied thanks to news on the weekend of a global effort to bolster confidence in the world's banks. Sensing we had "bottomed out," I jumped at the chance to buy stocks. I go to my trusty broker (ETrade) to transfer the money into my brokerage account, but an automated message says this:
"As today is a bank holiday, your claim will be processed on the next business day"
WTF? The market is open but ETrade is not? Weak, but whatever. I assume that stocks are still cheap, the economy has been saved, and I can always wait until tomorrow.
As I sleep soundly, dreaming of how many chicks I'll pick up with my new Ferrari powered purely on savvy money-pushing, after-hours traders are pushing my beloved stocks ever higher. Fuckers raised the price up 3% from where the market closed.
I awake, yawn, poop, and check my brokerage account. Boom - money transferred. Ctrl+T my way to a new window and pull up http://finance.google.com. Bap - stocks are up. Great, I say to myself, shit's only getting better.
Oh how wrong I was. I sink my bid for some shares in Google before the market opens [Lesson: Don't do that]. The market opens - Google falls 10 percent. The frowny face above shows the drop that I experienced but Mr. Unhappy is actually sitting on top of my shit-stain of an investment because, remember, I paid an after-hours price for the stock.
My portfolio manager's going to kill me.
MOTW Redux: TheBMar
The MOTW should be about embarrassing friends in multimedia form and true to form, I will attempt to come good on my promise. TheBMar (above left) is a longtime supporter of AMDAL. He tends to lurk in the shadows, both virtually in the comments of this blog as well as in the real world (see above left). TheBMar can be found enjoying smooth beers this weekend at Homecoming or at his local Five Olde in South Royalton, VT (SORO).
Like our last MOTW, TheBMar is single. Act now ladies while supplies last.
Man of the Week: Dave Wiens
Since no one I know did anything great this week, I'm giving it to the guy that beat Lance Armstrong in a 100mi mountain bike race. Dave Wiens is 44 years old, but made Lance say "I'm done" mid-race for the first time in his unprecedented career. Watch the video / read the article. Sickies.
Mail Goggles
If you go to Gmail>Settings>Labs you'll see this little number. I like where the developers' head(s!) are at, but I'm wicked smaht and this will obviously not thwart my drunken attempts at hooking up with college chicks. Isn't 72 - 31 = '12?
With that, I attach a classic email from College:
--- Forwarded message from Karl ---
>Date: 02 Jul 2004 04:53:06 EDT
>From: Karl
>Subject: Re: house stuff
>To: MLR
--- You wrote:
sinks on 3rd floor dont drain. can you get some drain-O and fix them up? i hear the chandelier is messed up too
itb
--- end of quote ---
yeah, yeah, yeah. alright, I'll try to figure it out, but there is one thing that I have realized while I have been house; the house fixes itself. leaking sealings will heal, dirty floors blossom flowers of splendor, light switches know when they want to operate and nothing takes orders from a man. If you want it fixed, fix it, if not let me know so weiss can complain. five in the morning sounds better when it's five in the morning. Ok, I'm not finished typing, so I'm gonna keep rambling sweet nothings all about your face and let my fingers do whatever the fuck they want. erik pissed the couch at the red barn. I don't know it for sure, but it is a prediction that I am willing to reinforce with confidence, even thought that doesn't mean anything. why does the sun come up so early when I have class the next day. Some may argue that latitude has something to do with it but I disagree. lights are for punishment and that shall be done dispite the intoxication. ok, bed. . .
itb
Man of the Week: Henning
[In an attempt to keep AMDAL fresh while still being able to embarass my friends, I've created a new weekly column to be run on Mondays. I will call it, Man of the Week (MOTW). Insert lightning bolts here].
Not all foreigners hate America. Henning (pictured above), is a nice swedish boy who likes fast cars, iphones and the American dream. His favorite thing is when he can keep a little Euro flair while still enjoying his American politics. See here.
As far as I know, Henning is also single.
