All My Deals Are Live

This week's Jam of the Week is "Falsetto," brought to you by new up-and-coming artist The-Dream. Fresh off his semi-hit "Shawty is a 10," which peaked at #17 on the Billboard Hot 100 and #6 on the R&B/Hip-Hop charts, The-Dream has decided that this is the moment to take the next step toward becoming Hoodfab by paying MTV an undisclosed sum of money to have "Falsetto" gain extra airplay as the Jam of the Week. The only reason that I'm pleased about "Falsetto" being the Jam of the Week is that due to it being finals week, I still won't have to hear it all that much. That, and the fact that this song is so bad as to provide conclusive evidence in support of my theory that the Jam of the Week is a title which can be bought, as no music network executive in their right mind would bestow upon this piece of trash the "JW" moniker in the upper-left hand corner of the screen.

It is obvious that The-Dream is trying to follow Ne-Yo's playbook in his rise to fame as a solo artist. Begin by writing hits for established artists (notably, Rihanna's "Umbrella" and J Holliday's "Bed") and use the success of these singles as a springboard to sign your own record deal. Unfortunately, while he also has a strangely hyphenated name, The-Dream lacks all of the intangibles that aided Ne-Yo's rise to fame: namely, good looks, dance moves, and a gaze that makes even me swoon. In addition, The-Dream's main feud as an artist is with Chris Brown - not exactly a great way build up your street cred. Sidenote, did you know that The-Dream wrote "Umbrella" in a mere 12 minutes? Coincidentally, that's exactly how long I pause the video for when Rihanna's in her silver bodypaint suit.

I probably ought to say a little something about the video and song themselves. Well, let me say this: they're fucking horrid. An overabundance of slow-motion scenes, a dearth of attractive females, strange props and scenes, and an unintelligible and boring plot makes this video practically unwatchable. It's unlistenable too, since The-Dream seems to think that talking in a falsetto himself is a way to sell records - actually, it's a way to get me to change the channel every hour for the next week (we have a remote in the Zebra now Ro - it's sick!)

In sum, Ro, while I will provide you with a link for this video out of courtesy in case you want another reason to kill yourself besides endless Excel monkey business and DCF analysis, I feel a duty to also provide you with something a little more interesting to help you pass the time as your workday reaches the halfway point. I hope you enjoy my alternate selection.

Snoop Dogg's Latest: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKz-RXSeIYA

Yours in the Bonds,