Erik,
Shave your beard, wait a couple months and you're basically there. Apply here
Best,
AMDAL staff
One Shaq would be a banker.
"Go to the cloning era, clone myself 20 times, and put myself in America as 20 different people. One Shaq would be a banker. One Shaq would be a sheriff. One Shaq would be a race car driver. One Shaq would be a prince. One Shaq would be Spanish. We'd all be here at the same time, and every once in a while I'd meet myself."
-- Shaquille O'Neal, in the January issue of Men's Journal, describes what he would do with a time machine (picture source yahoo)
Don't live in New England
The most infuraiting part about living in the region that brought America whale pants (sup Donoho), Dean for America, and pretentious ivy leaguers: they don't plow the damn highways.
Putting it in the no-no spot
A new feature dedicated to things being put in inappropriate places. Putting objects where G*d never intended. Like Stephon "Starbury" Marbury on a world-champion basketball team. Or Sarah Palin in the veep-spot.
Today's entry: Jeff Koons at Versailles. I mean, it really demeans the memory of Marie Antoinette.
Yeah, that's Michael Jackson and Bubbles (RIP). That sculpture is worth more than a four dozen Maseratis (after Hank/Albert/Pepe*/MRo ruins the economy, Maseratis are the most reliable currency).
*-Why "Pepe," you ask, and not Kempster? Because we all know that KD is too responsible to submarine our economy. Only Pepe would do that.
Whopper Virgins?
Remember in elementary school when someone would come in with the latest POG / Samba shoe / Umbro shorts? They'd say "Oooh ooh look at me, look what I have!" You were so jealous but your stupid parents wouldn't buy them for you and you're $3/wk allowance wouldn't cover that. Or, say, your friend flaunts his 3G iphone in your face, not to show off per se, but because he thinks it's bullshit that you talk incessantly about the power of Apple but don't even have an iphone and therefore have no credibility? I guess the first example is more relevant, but you get the idea. Anyways, that showboating is what Burger King decided to do. You may be asking, who on Earth would think a Whopper is worth flaunting? Answer: remote civilizations (see above).
And that's only part of the insanity. Try to wrap your head around why they couldn't think of some better things to do with this opportunity besides a Whopper / Big Mac taste test.
I hereby give you my list -
Five Western Things to Impose on Remote Civilizations Before Fast Food:
1)Friday Night Lights
2)Sarah Palin ("A fish out of water story!")
3)An overinflated sense of self and waistline
4)Richard Simmons
5)Modern medicine
2009: No regrets this year, I promise
2008 was a pretty monumental year, both for AMDAL and the world. Over the holidays, we all zoned out, sleeping in and probably reading / watching plenty about year-end lists. I'll therefore save both of us the time and go right into what's hot for '09.
As BMar aptly put it, 2008 was a breakout year for AMDAL. We quietly snuck to 20,000 hits - not bad. And while AMDAL continues to take over the world (see above) so do Dartmouth people. Look out for more young stars, more weddings and more acceptances into top tier grad programs. Also look for people to mix it up. Who knows, more beards?
Meanwhile, the celebrity world keeps on turning:
Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson broke up. Be on the look out for more of this:
Other choice celebrity predictions for 09:
-Britney remains locked up by her parents until record sales of Circus plateau, at which point she is let loose, spiraling into another dangerous self-destructive episode (ala 2007)
-Angelina Jolie has a few more kids. I'm guessing Guatemalan or Cuban.
-Kanye goes back to rapping because his singing sucks
-Fresh off her breakup from that dude, Natalie Portman is spotted in a restaurant in Hanover at an 'extravagant' dinner (Canoe Club). Onlookers couldn't help noticing the twinkle in her eye as she gazed longingly at her male companion.
As for the real world: who knows. It's an exciting time, but also a scary one. The financial world as we know it is over. My boy suBarack will likely do a good job (fuck $250K+!) and hopefully more tightly control government spending. Meanwhile, I'll attempt to more accurately predict stocks and hold onto my job. If not, look out 2009 as the year of the AMDAL advertising frenzy (anyone need graphic t's or male enhancement creams?)
Hiatus Ends
There are two great parts of all the year-end magazines: the "Best of 2008" lists and the predictions for 2009.
In no specific order, these are the definiative AMDAL posts of 2008.
1. We refuse to leave this chair until we poop.
2. We were called shitkickers. (with follow ups)
3. We break it off with a longtime love.
4. We express love.
5. We abide.
6. We are calf/abs-modeling.
7. We financially analyze the downturn.
8. We provide astute political analysis (she’s a 1*)
9. We work out.
10. We provide cogent Britnalysis.
