The Ivan Drago of Tennis

It is a sad day to the AMDAL community while one of our main influences is stepping down from prominence. Marat Safin, large crazy Russian and former world number 1 tennis player, is deciding to retire from tennis this year. The picture above is of him after showing up to a tournament a month or two ago sporting two black eyes from a bar fight. Unsurprisingly, he told reporters it wasn't a big deal because he had won the fight.

With this loss, tennis' elite will again be dominated by prissy, good role-model players such as federer, nadal, djokovic, and all other even-keeled pansies. I do realize this makes sense for a sport embodied by collared shirts, the title "gentlemen's singles", and every major event sponsored by lacoste, polo, and lexus. Having grown up with tennis, I acknowledge its downfalls, but every once in a while someone falls through the cracks such as a McEnroe, Ivanisevic (sup Ro), or a Youzny who takes the game to another level with total disregard for tennis stereotypes and thereby helps Ro and I rationalize thinking that tennis is actually a bad-ass sport.

Safin first off was an incredible player in his prime. He destroyed Sampras to win his first grand slam title in a three set match that was one of the worst beatings I've ever seen. He then beat Federer before winning his only other grandslam at the Australian Open. Due to injuries and an occasional apathy towards tennis, Safin continued to be good but never stayed at the top of the game after reaching number 1. Indicative of his game, he would beat a top ten player and then subsequently lose to a number 150 ranked player and break 5 rackets in the process. His mentality on court was basically a form of bipolar and Tourette's embodied in slamming his racket into anything solid he saw nearby. He was one of the most fun players on tour and everyone hated to play him because you had absolutely no idea which Safin would show up to play or whether he would hit you with his racket.

But he really just wanted to enjoy the game

I bid him farewell and will leave you all with The World According to Marat Safin (Thanks to MaratSafin.com)

On money:

"When I look at a dollar note, I only see a picture of George Washington on a nice piece of paper. Money is only money. It makes life easier, but I don't feel sexy or mightly because of that.

On stardom:

"I'm not a singer or a rock star. Tennis is tennis. If you want to see a clown, go to a circus."

On women:

"There is nothing so sexy as a woman who is angry. Perhaps she is even throwing things."

On home life:

"I have an empty refrigerator and nobody takes care of things around the house. I have nobody to cook for me so I go to restaurants. Me cooking? No idea! Me washing clothes? No idea! I can't do anything domestic."

On technique:

"Sometimes you hit the ball with your eyes closed. Sometimes it works."

On doping:

"I had won the US Open and didn't even take my vitamins. Since six months they were lying in my suitcase. I drank tap water on the court. That was my doping."

On distractions:

"You think about dinner, your car, playing golf. Sometimes I think about sex. But these thoughts mustn't get out of control, otherwise, the point, the set, the match is lost very fast."

On breaking rackets

"You can destroy one racket. You can destroy a chair. But you can't destroy a racket and a chair in the same match. There has to be a limit. Otherwise this is the tennis of a sick person."