Betty Draper Walk Of Shame, Hit And Run

I'd be remiss in my Mad Men duties if I didn't post this. Apparently, Mad Men star January Jones, aka "Betty Draper," was seen coming home early one morning in her night-before best. Benign enough. Well add to that a possibly-drunken driving hit and run of 4 parked cars, and you've got what you call yourself a shitty week.

You know what pisses me off: Bobby Flay. There isn't a lot to talk about there, except that if you were in a car wreck and were distressed, why would you call a celebrity cook? Shouldn't she have called Don Draper? Or better yet, Joan. Definitely Joan.

Who's this guy?

(Not) Smoke-Worthy Moments in Mad Men: Episode 309

Don Draper is always late and doesn't care about that or anything else. He's a bad influence on me.

Rant: If Matt Weiner thinks he can toy with the viewers' emotions the way he did on this episode, I'm actively not going to care about writing this post. That's why I'm so late. I tried to sack up and just write like normal because even though it was the most frustrating episode of the season (ever?), it was still 10x better than anything else on TV right now. But the fact remains, nothing satisfying is happening and it's driving me nuts.

Because this episode is making me tell you how I really feel, I'm going to focus on the future, and therefore predict what the top three moments of next episode will be.

Top Moments of Episode 310: The Color Blue

1) Creator Matt Weiner uses his time-traveling tricks and skips to 1964, where all the problems of last episode have been skipped, smoothed over and forgotten. Joan has returned, inexplicably, to run the office once more. Roger is back to being a fun-loving, highly functioning alcoholic after Don and Roger 'hug it out' over two dozen oysters and mutual vomiting (let the martinis do the work!). Ken Cosgrove has decided to have more than 2 lines all season and has stepped up into the . Peggy, Sal and Pete have gone off to work for Duck, where the four of them have begun a TV spin off called Three Mad Men, A Woman And A Baby. The show is cancelled in 2010 / 1965.

2) In a rare anachronism, equal rights legislation is enacted that persecutes employers who discriminate "you people." Don is put on double secret probation (one step worse than "on notice") and is forced to have a male secretary. Realizing their time-warped mistake, Congress then retracts the legislation, allowing good ole' boy office antics while grandfathering Sal in his swanky new office. Don sulks.

3) Suddenly aware she does't want to revert back to being an idiot, Betty Draper gets her wits about her, realizes Don is off philandering somewhere, and hires a Private Investigator. The PI quickly finds out Don is having a(nother) affair (he's really not very sneaky) and tells Betty. Betty pulls a Kate Gosselin and kicks JDon out of the house (again). Don, still sulking, moves in with Miss Farrell, who apparently is a heaver drinker and philanderer than Don and ends up leaving him for a handsome advisor to Governer Rockefeller (Irony). Divorced and self-pitying, Don begins crashing weddings in a desperate attempt to pick up married women by womb-touching (Double irony!).

Cut. Print. Weiner & Co, I'm a free agent Nov 1. Call me.

On a slightly more upbeat note, here are some exciting Mad Men-related links below
- January Jones in lingerie for GQ (and me!). Pic below and more here.
- Sal's Bryan Batt on his character and if we'll ever see him again (here)
- Pete Campbell's Vincent Kartheiser talking about Mad Men and the Charleston here.