Random Thoughts

I recently asked my mom if she wanted anything special for Mothers Day. As always, she said, “I just want the family to be together.” I’ve learned that what this really means is: “You better not come home empty-handed.”

In the lavatory at my GMAT class there’s a sign above the toilet that says: To flush, hold down handle until bowl empties. I wonder what kind of complaint prompted this. “I kept tapping up on the handle for ten minutes and nothing happened. I sure hope business school isn't this difficult.”

President Barack Obama has said on numerous occasions that he wants judges who have “empathy” for certain groups, particularly those that are less fortunate. That's like MLB Commissioner Bud Selig saying he wants plate umpires who have “empathy” for batters going through a slump. “Yes, that full count pitch was right down the pipe. But for you, I’m going to call it a ball. Take your base.”

The other morning I awoke with a stiff-neck. Unfamiliar with this condition, I quickly discovered it is not nearly as fun as a stiff-ie, a condition I am accustomed to waking up with. I also discovered that a heating pad should not be used on the latter, for more than ten minutes.

On a packed 4 Train headed downtown, I started staring at this beautiful woman who, believe it or not, was staring back at me, smiling and giggling. Right as we reached the 14th Street stop, she took out a piece of paper, scribbled something and stuffed the note in my shirt pocket as she exited the car. It said: Your fly is really open.