WTF Lance??

It’s always best to defer to Mikey for celebrity gossip analysis, but I just noticed a most disturbing tidbit which warrants comment. Lance Armstrong, the greatest champion that bike riding has ever known, apparently has been "getting close" with child actress Ashley Olson. Gross.

Lance Armstrong’s accolades as a tremendous badass are well-known. He miraculously survived cancer and then went on to win the Tour de France seven consecutive times (unprecedented!) and star in a couple of the great Nike commercials. Although there may never have been any doubt, Lance truly solidified his status as a man amongst boys in the 2001 Tour. In a crucial mountain stage in the Alps, Lance hangs back for much of the race pretending to be fatigued and lures the other riders into confusion. When he finally pulls into the lead, he slows and looks back and stares into the eyes of Jan Ullrich, the second best cyclist in the world and his nearest competitor. He then proceeds to explode up the mountain and open up a two minute lead on Ullrich. The Tour was over. The debate was over, Lance Armstrong=jacked.

In his retirement, Lance has devoted himself to commendable pursuits like raising money for cancer research, running marathons, and taking down celebrities like Sheryl Crow, Fiona Apple and Kate Hudson.

But now this could all be for naught as reports of his dalliances with B-list celebrity Ashley Olson threaten to tarnish his good name. Is anyone even that intrigued by the Olson twins anymore? They didn’t even turn out to be that hot. Lance, get a hold of yourself.