"Sorry about the disruption, folks, but I always do the last dance of the season."
Patrick Swayze might have lost his battle against cancer today, but I'd like to think that somewhere, he and Chris are back together and putting on a damn fine show.
Showing posts with label Celebrity Gossip. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Celebrity Gossip. Show all posts
All Her Boyfriends Dump Her
In lieu of the fact AMDAL has gone askew to the slightly-celebrity gossip side, more importantly, MLR is out of town.* I thought I'd throw out the following post & survey.
It must be noted that I was quite bored at work today and in browsing the gossip sites since AMDAL was dead, I felt hopeful that this post would provide an array of comments from "Anonymous" et al: the angry girls that I have a not-so-great relationship with after the beer goggles post, you fratty Ps! U boys who surely had a crush on her at some point during middle & high school and the general "this is is so not AMDAL worthy"commentators. Although you won't reveal yourself, you're still value added.
WTF is up with Jessica Simpson?!?! How did she manage to get dumped, again, and on the eve of her birthday? I mean, come on- that is one of the saddest and most pathetic things I have heard in a long time. I cannot figure out why she can't keep a man happy- it's really not that hard unless you don't cook, clean or give sweet, sweet lovin' often enough**. Even in her "fat" days, which have been often lately, she's still cute, blond, seems like a nice person & has bodacious tatas (realness aside & debatable)- all of which are qualities guys tend to like and seek out. As would any good gossip girl, I didn't want to jump to conclusions without a little research. Since she joined the pop-culture scene in the '90's, she has had the following celebrity moments:
Accomplishments
- 7 Billboard top 40 hits
- 3 gold albums
- 2 multi-platinum albums
- Perfect Texan hair
- General tendency to wear tight and low-cut clothing
Failures (in chronological order)
- Gospel music career: Proclaim Records- the album's label- went bankrupt after it released her album
- Not making it onto the Mickey Mouse Club (could be before some of y'alls' time)
- Marriage to Nick Lachey, all of which was broadcast to the greater public*** (sup, MTV)
- A line of edible body products- Dessert Treats (main link is now unavailable= big failure)
- Relationship with Dane Cooke following filming Employee of the Month
- Philanthropy efforts for Smile Train****
- Relationship with Maroon 5 front man Adam Levine
- All 4 movies she was in (I will never forgive her for ruining the good name of Daisy Duke in The Dukes of Hazzard and violating the General Lee like that...)
- Relationship with Johnny Knoxville following filming The Dukes of Hazzard
- Relationship with John Mayer
- Country music "career"/ image make-over when she wasn't "pop" enough
- High waisted jeans (here and here), which subsequently produced a lot of name calling/ making excuses and spawned a TV series she is about to start filming: The Price of Beauty, to air in 2010... Lucky us.
- Most recent: Relationship with Tony Romo & the "jessica jinx" that caused the Cowboys to go on an unparalleled losing streak (This could be noted as a success for the Giants football team & fans alike)
Negotiable
Now that you have some information to make an educated decision, onto the survey!
Question: Who is dating disaster Jessica Simpson?
Answer(s):
(a) A successful celebrity who should be proud to be single- you go, girl!
(b) An unfortunate string of events & unlucky in love
(c) The result of a creepy stage-dad/pimp
(d) The village bicycle
(e) ________________?
*Even though MLR continues to post from afar (sup, smartphone), he likely would have posted this today (ie- a few days late, as per usual). But instead he is driving up the pacific coast in a sweet sedan with the boys, writing on hats with a Sharpie, visiting markets & coffee shops, gleefully going to more NASCAR races despite this posting and meeting up with Papa Ro.
**Aside from taunting you to make comments, I get fired up by dumb girls- Know your role: kitchen, bedroom, laundry room. Boardroom/career is 2nd priority & do it in the interim if you must, or expect to be single. A little effort goes a long way.
***I xo-ed Newlyweds. Shameful, but true. Her tendency to be dumb was amazing. I don't know how Nick stayed married to her for so long.. oh yeah! All that money from MTV. Silly me.
**** donating a $50K car that was given to you by Chrysler does not count. True, I could raise $50K in my sleep so perhaps I'm a bit more critical about her ability to be a do-gooder then most people, but still: Philanthropy for media attention should be illegal.
Gossip World: Explained!
Nathalie A. texted me today to ask if I had heard the bad news. More planes in the Hudson? Another secret society usurping power of the College trustee board? Nay, worse. Rumor has it, Natalie Portman was seen canoodling with Twilight crooner Robert Pattinson. Before I could reach for the hydrochloric acid (I work next to a chem lab), I scroll up and see this squeal-inducing news, which got me thinking about this. By the end of the blog session, I'm sweating bullets and my blood pressure has skyrocketed. I wanted to fill in you AMDollars right away but realized not everyone retains gossip knowledge like the Notorious MLR. Well because I <3 U, I've made the above diagram (click it to expand).
There's a lot going on there so feel free to blow up the comments and we can talk it through.
Brad Pitt, You're Next
Everyone knows Megan Fox has spent her career impersonating Angelina Jolie. And I'm not complaining. I saw Benjamin Button because there were no Jolie movies at the Nugget. But I digress; Megan Fox is a temptress, just like her mentor. Picture you're Zac Efron. You're an objectively attractive young successful actor. You have been in a long term relationship with someone that, in her own right, is a good looking little lady. But then you bump into Megan Fox, the goddess that drunkenly said this not too long ago. Below is the play-by-play from the Golden Globes the other night.
Babe spotting. Interest is peaked. Vanessa is worried.
Greetings exchanged. Sparks can be seen. Vanessa is fucked.
Contact is made. Other things peak. Where is Vanessa?
Smiles / Phone numbers exchanged. Mr. & Mrs. Smith 2 in theaters now.
Source: Superficial
"Can We Stop Acting So Childish?"
Esquire's Stephen Marche wrote this article saying what I wish I was clever enough to say about America's fascination with the likes of Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears.
WTF Lance??
It’s always best to defer to Mikey for celebrity gossip analysis, but I just noticed a most disturbing tidbit which warrants comment. Lance Armstrong, the greatest champion that bike riding has ever known, apparently has been "getting close" with child actress Ashley Olson. Gross.
Lance Armstrong’s accolades as a tremendous badass are well-known. He miraculously survived cancer and then went on to win the Tour de France seven consecutive times (unprecedented!) and star in a couple of the great Nike commercials. Although there may never have been any doubt, Lance truly solidified his status as a man amongst boys in the 2001 Tour. In a crucial mountain stage in the
In his retirement, Lance has devoted himself to commendable pursuits like raising money for cancer research, running marathons, and taking down celebrities like Sheryl Crow, Fiona Apple and Kate Hudson.
But now this could all be for naught as reports of his dalliances with B-list celebrity Ashley Olson threaten to tarnish his good name. Is anyone even that intrigued by the Olson twins anymore? They didn’t even turn out to be that hot. Lance, get a hold of yourself.
