This "Hilda" headed off to College, expecting to study normal things all little girls like to study: ponies, Sylvia Plath, and molecular-nanoastrophysics. She probably figured that, in the course of College (under her brother's watchful eye), she'd meet an interesting, serious, normal guy she could date. She went to Dartmouth and joined a sorority (a fun one, not Tri-Delt). And that's where things went wrong.
See, Dartmouth dating isn't like real-world dating. Its this: "Hey, just sit there until I finish up this last game" or "Wanna go up to my room and check out my stereo?" or "Wanna watch me get a 700 game?" or "My name is D__ D_______ and I bet we can drink two bottles of Andre before we get to Hotel Coolidge, right freshman date?"
This girl grows less impressed by fratantics as time goes by. "Maybe," she thinks, "if I went to a research University, I'd find men who were serious."
So, in search of serious men and the chance to study molecular-nano-astro-dino-physics, "Hilda" heads west, to CalTech. "Finally," she thinks, "I am free of overgrown high school dweebs who became boom-boom lodgers or popped collar neocons or faux-hipsters. I can date interesting, serious guys."
Unfortunately, things have gone seriously wrong again because she is now at CalTech. CalTech is ground-zero for "Beauty and the Geek" recruiting and home of "glomming," the latest dating trend.
You and all your friends will want to know what "glomming" is. The good people at Urban Dictionary describe the practice perfectly:
"At a dance, one can find several men dancing with one woman. They are glomming her. Or, one might find several men walking to class with one woman. These men are glomming."
If Urban Dictionary doesn't adequately describe the "tradition" of glomming, here's another breakdown:
" Shortly after arriving [at Caltech], I started hearing about the bizarre....phenomenon called glomming, which involves a man or a group of men stalking a woman, usually a first-year student. The glommer might follow the woman to class, wait for her afterward, sit at her cafeteria table, or enter her dorm room and refuse to leave. Some men are e-glommers who send tons of e-mails, or constantly 'finger' a woman's account to find out where she is logging in from....At the same time, some men have called women sluts while they were glommed, as if they 'asked for it.' Students who have objected to or reported glomming have been ostracized."
Yep, that's correct: the glommer's defense is "she was asking to be glommed."
So what becomes of a girl whose entire adult dating career revolves around Chi Gam dance parties, basements and glomming? Hilda will probably become an astronaut just to get away from us all.
2 comments:
Of all of the possible callouts, I particularly appreciated this gem of a reference from 04w.a night that (casey, bob and) I will never forget and (our) dates will never remember. Well done sir. Now dome yourself.
commencing self-dome in 3....2....1...DRINK
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