How to Cope with the Crushing Disappointment (and Hangover)

1. Watch this several times:



2. Spend countless hours laughing your ass off at Awkward Family Photos.com. (Make sure you check out the AFP Hall of Fame.)

"Jerry decided to pitch the tent a little early."

3. Remember: While soccer is unbelievably awesome and absolutely what we want, it also by far the gayest sport in the entire world.

The only thing gayer than this picture, I think, is a Josh Pence photo shoot.

See?

4. Leeroy Jenkins.

5. Angry German Kid.

("[T]he Escape-button is gone!") This video explains so much.

Hat Tips: Kevin, Bank, Luigi

We're USA And We're Going All The Way

If you're having difficulty getting fired up for tomorrow's World Cup match against Ghana (e.g. you're a zombie; you're Glenn Beck), check out this video immediately.

(Question: Anyone else a huge sucker for the Rudy soundtrack? I swear, every time I hear those strings and brass in combination - with any type of sports footage (even croquet) - I start balling like Vada during Thomas J.'s funeral at the end of My Girl.)

If you're in NYC and need a place to watch, come to O'Reilly's on 35th St., between 5th and 6th. In addition to hordes of patriotic and passionate US soccer fans going absolutely bonkers, there will be a $30 All You Can Drink special from 1pm to 5pm (as well as tons of hot chicks looking to hook up*). Hope to see you there.

USA! USA! USA!

Hat Tip: JDinner

*This part is not true.

Sports Liveblog

Readers, please note that there is nothing "live" about this liveblog. In fact, everything that I'm writing about took place yesterday (except for the third item), which begs the question: what exactly is a liveblog? My answer is the same answer that I give to the questions "What is the point of AMDAL?", "Why do you still let Apple Symbol write for the blog?" and "What happened to Block and Makens?" - I don't know. If I had to come up with something, however, I'd say a liveblog is a post comprising a poorly taken digital photo of people or things that few know or care about, with little or no context whatsoever, to make the author of said post feel important about his or her life. So here I go.

Unless you were living under a rock, you probably heard about or saw one of the most epic days in sports history yesterday. Three major things happened that rocked the sports world. I'd like to chronicle them here, in descending order of importance.

Epic Sports Moment #1 - The Atlanta Dream beat the Tulsa Shock 96-90 in a WNBA game that no one watched.

According to ESPN, "[Angel] McCoughtry, the No. 1 overall pick in the 2009 WNBA draft, has scored 20 or more points in nine of Atlanta's 14 games. She had three steals and her strong play in the final minutes helped the first-place Dream recover after losing an 18-point first half lead."

Although she had 7 turnovers, McCoughtry scored 29 points with 10 rebounds and scored six straight in the final two minutes. Like much of the AMDAL community, she too was surprised that the WNBA still exists and that both Atlanta and Tulsa are home to professional female teams.

Continue Reading >>

I think I'm falling in love.

Name: Elizabeth Lambert

Occupation: NCAA Women's Soccer Player/Hoodrat

Special Skills: Gouging eyes, pulling hair, bodyslamming, aggravated assault, not soccer

Favorite Music: Slipknot, DMX, crying babies, the sound of chainsaws

Dislikes: Girls of The Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter-Day Saints


Watching this video 17-18 times is the perfect way to end a long week.