Judd-Palin Thunderdome

As you may have heard by now, Ashley Judd (she played Ensign Lefler in two episodes of "Star Trek: The Next Generation") is going after Sarah Palin (she plays Liz Lemon on NBC's "30 Rock") for her support of "aerial wolf hunting." Check out the ominous video:



In case you don't follow: Judd is accusing Palin of championing the senseless slaughter of wolves. Why, Sarah Palin, why? How could you harbor such malice towards all those cuddly carnivores?

To figure this out, I did some (minimal) research. According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game (http://wildlife.alaska.gov/index.cfm?adfg=wolf.control) this is really about predator control. The ADF&G has put in place five closely controlled permit programs that allow aerial shooting (not "hunting") in specific areas comprising 9.4% of Alaska's acreage. Their purpose is to protect and sustain various prey populations, like those of the caribou, moose and deer. Apparently, Alaskans eat this stuff. Anyway, you wouldn't learn any of this from watching Judd's hit piece, which is sponsored by an animal rights group called Defenders of Wildlife.

So what's really going on here? Abortion. It's no secret that Judd is a big-time Hollywood liberal who's fervently pro-choice. ("[A] woman voting for McCain and Palin is like a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders".) And Palin's a social conservative - some say the GOP front-runner for 2012 - who's unapologetically pro-life. ("[I] have never wavered in my belief in the sanctity of every human life.") Good for them both. But before this feud escalates any further, let's settle this like civilized adults. Yes, I'm talking about everyone's favorite form of Mad Maxian conflict-resolution. I'm talking about: the Thunderdome.

This is how it's gonna go down. First, we head to a cold, rank basement. Then, we fill up a rack of Keystone Lights and crank the Final Countdown by Europe. Finally, we cheer in unison, "5-4-3-2-1-Drink!" and each woman simultaneously pounds a full cup of beer every ten seconds. Whoever boots first, loses. (No, foam does not count.)

If Judd wins, then we know that wolf-killing is wrong and baby-killing is acceptable. If Palin wins, then the opposite is true.

Two (wo)men enter, one (wo)man boots!