2009 Recap: Winners & Losers

I was inspired by this cool chart in the NYT to do a little recap of the year. Without further ado:
2009 Winner: Peyton Manning

Though the football season is not yet complete, this has been a good year for Archie's son on the field. Undeterred by the loss of one of his more talented (but homicide prone) receivers, Peyton led his Colts to a 14-0 start with several clutch performances. Two of his top receivers were virtual unknowns before the season began, particularly the absurdly-named Pierre Garcon (wasn't that he name of the candlestick in Beauty in the Beast?) and Austin Collie, which is a breed of dog I'm pretty sure. Any doubt that Peyton is the engine that makes his team go was erased last week, when the Colts self-destructed as soon as Manning was pulled. He should win the MVP, and his team looks tough heading into the playoffs.

Off the field, Manning has grabbed the title of America's Golden Boy with both hands. He can be seen on the television bantering with actors and Justin Timberlake quite at ease, and he continues to exude the good-guy persona. And actually, he is charming and funny on the TV. When you consider the added fact that Manning's only competition for the sports star/advertising icon throne has flamed out pretty spectacularly at the hands of his comely 9-iron wielding Nordic wife, Peyton seems poised for a big year. Look for guest-star appearances from him this winter and a boatload of new advertising contracts as he seems to be the best game in town. The chair is his until those strumpety cocktail waitresses from Orlando get to him. With or without a Super Bowl victory, we may all remember 2009 as the beginning of the Manning Era.

2009 Loser: Benedict XVI

So many to choose from here. Tiger, Balloon Dad, Bernie Madoff, Obama, Mitt Romney, the New York Mets-- I could go on for hours. But here are my Friday Five style reasons Il Papi loses the year:




1) Same Sex Marriage. Despite some political setbacks to the same-sex movement (seriously, Maine? WTF?) it seems clear to me that we are inexorably moving towards nationwide acceptance of teh ghey marriage. I mean, if Iowa is cool with it, the rest of the nation is definitely coming around. Not a moment too soon of course, but that's another post. Rome's moral authority on this may be slightly eroded anyways, as they reached out somewhat awkwardly to disaffected Episcopals whose priests aren't even celibate anyways.

2) Abortion. The monstrous Stupak Amendment will hopefully be stripped from the final Healthcare bill, but even if it is not, as with the gay marriage thing, my sense is that the country is moving in an accepting direction. Here's to hoping 2009 is the high water mark for the anti-choice crowd, and I think it will be.

3) Child Molestation. Yes, the hits keep on coming, this time out of Ireland, where the priests have apparently been buggering altar boys since the 1850s while each successive bishop looked the other way. This one creeps me out, so lets just move on.

4) Papal Security. Ratzo had a close call this Christmas with a deranged woman who jumped out of the crowd at Christmas mass and knocked the Holy Father and another cardinal over in her excitement at being in the big Christmas show. In addition to underscoring what a nightmare it must be to be in the Papal security business, the Pope must be at least slightly miffed at the news coverage of this event. For this rather astonishing breach of security surrounding a man revered by billions around the globe garnered perhaps 1/16 of the attention lavished on some Nigerian asshole who tried to light his underpants on fire on the final approach to Detroit. Where's the love for Christ's vicar?

5) Cultural Resonance. Fascinating poll out this week from Gallup, which asked the following question: "What man, that you have heard or read about, living today in any part of the world, do you admire most?" Some pretty surprising results, I must say-- Obama comes in first (that won't last) and George W. Bush (!) narrowly edges out Nelson Mandela for second place. If that isn't horrifying enough, the Pope can only muster a tie for fourth with... AMDAL favorite Glenn Beck! Radio and TV shock jock, Christmas Sweater and conspiracy theory enthusiast Glenn friggin Beck ties the Pope?!!!! Jesus, Mary and Joseph if this isn't the beginning of the end times, I don't know what is. 2009: the year the Pope jumped the shark.