Although I really enjoyed growing up with two sisters and no brothers, one of the few unshakable side effects is my inability to hold back tears during Olympics human interest pieces. Thanks a lot, girls. For the next month, I have to pretend to use the bathroom after every other commercial break to avoid sobbing into my appletini.
After you turn twelve, “knock, knock” “who’s there” jokes tend to become “knock, knock” “you’re fucking kidding, right?” jokes.
Is it weird to hate tragedies, but love candlelight vigils? I hope not.
Success is achieved by filling a niche market that is otherwise untapped. That’s why I’m a self deprecating rapper. My first album, “No Money, Zero Sex Life, ’82 Volvo” hits record stores next month. Only buy it if you feel like it.
As a child, my favorite color was yellow, which also happens to be the color of participation ribbons.
0 comments:
Post a Comment