AMDAL has been extra topical this week, especially considering Makens and her recent, wildly popular article about the latest installment to the Twilight franchise. Well, in addition to that of the vampires and werewolves, there is another underworld that has been stunningly popular of late, only it's much more insidious.
Of course, I'm talking about that of Farmville.
For the uninitiated, Farmville is a time-wasting application/game popularized by Facebook wherein one plants and harvests crops in order to make fake money. The money is then used to buy, plant and harvest more crops. There are no bad guys, no obstacles, no strategy. You just play to play. The only consequence in the game is that if you were to ignore your crops, they could wither and you would have to re-plant them. Heaven forbid!
There is no winning or losing (unless you consider playing to be losing, which many do); essentially, the game is a real-life version of South Park's Heroin Hero.
This fact has hindered the success of Farmville about as much as backtalk from Rihanna would hinder an open-palmed smack from Chris Brown.
Too soon? Not current enough? I'll work on it...
Anyway, there are three types of people in this world as it relates to Farmville and, believe me, this world relates itself the crap out of some Farmville. Those people are:
1. Those who do not play Farmville and, therefore, hate it for its constant intrusion into their Facebook news feed.
2. Those who play Farmville and love it. These people enjoy the distraction, the progression, the excuse to interact with friends and the ability to do it all for free** and conveniently within their Facebook account.
3. Those who play Farmville and hate it. This is where my experience lies.
I play Farmville and I'm really good at it. By that, I mean that I am a level 33 player. I have tons of neighbors, loads of ribbons, the largest available farm, a tractor, dozens of animals and even a tasteful pond. I check in every day and spend about fifteen minutes on upkeep. I help out on my neighbors' farms chasing away crows and raccoons, pulling weeds and raking leaves. I care about the aesthetic arrangement of trees on my farm. I've thought about saying "that's as awesome as peas in Farmville!" in normal conversation because peas take only a day to grow yet yield 3XP rather than the normal 1XP or 2XP.
On a list of embarrassing confessions, this ranks somewhere above telling your redneck dad that you're gay and somewhere below admitting that you huff baby poop to get an erection.
I hate myself for a lot of things (spending too much time in the office, not having the discipline to hit the gym as often as I'd like, etc.) but this definitely takes the cake. I know that Farmville is senseless. I know that there is no way to win. I know that it's devastatingly uncool. I know that every second spent playing is time that I'll never get back in my life.
I quit smoking over two months ago, haven't had a puff since and yet I can't quit playing Farmville.
Worst of all, the company that makes Farmville, Zynga, has built a billion dollar empire on this foolishness. I boycott Petco because they once shipped me the wrong fish tank stand but I support Zynga while it slowly chews up my soul? What's wrong with me?
I may never figure out a good answer to that question but what I do know that whatever is wrong with me, my Farmville involvement is the most prominent symptom. If there were a pill I could swallow to cure me, I'd take it now. I'd take two, just to be safe. Until they develop such a wonder drug, though, I'll probably continue to play. Plow, plant, harvest, repeat (ad nauseum). Don't hate me for my addiction; rather, pray for me. After all, 'tis the season to help those less fortunate.
God bless!
**Zynga makes money on Farmville by allowing you to purchase more Farmville dollars with real money. Though I may be pathetic, I have yet to stoop so low as to open my wallet to these bastards.
6 comments:
ever read something and discover you have no idea how the universe operates? Twilight makes me feel that way. When (in high school) people started playing Grand Theft AUto and doing IM chat, I had no clue what the hell was going on, either (no TV or computer for most of childhood).
This Block post makes me feel just as perplexed. I've now heard of Farmville (including this well-written bit here) a total of three times and only now do I have any goddamn idea what its about. But I do not get it.
I'm so happy to have started the trend of AMDAL shame-airing. It has resulted in non only some incredibly amazing comments, but now this post, which has simultaneously answered a lot of my lurking questions about Farmville and also kept me nicely entertained. Keep up the good work everyone.
This post got some LOL's. Great job!
Okay, so I have been religiously ignoring people's requests to accept their crops/ join them in town/ whatever it is you do to get looped into this thing on facebook. Not out of spite, but I had no idea what the heck it was and I ignore signing up for just about everything app related on facebook. I don't trust Zuckerberg and his minions.
I'm with BMar, I still don't get it. But I am feeling really bad I just blew them off like that, especially now that I know there was a purpose behind the gift of corn. Did they need me to accept to make their playing the app worthwhile? Did this cause a hiccup in their success in growing stuff? What are ribbons? and what if I wanted to keep the raccoons around b/c I always wanted a raccoon as a pet (another tell-tale sign that I'm not from here and yet northern/central FL)?
To quote my idol, Ronald Reagan, "Just Say No!" You can't screw anyone playing Farmville because there is no end to the game. They probably don't even know if you turned down their gift.
I feel like a junkie that has been ravaged by life on the streets. Don't be like me, kids! Don't start playing Farmville. It's inanity is surpassed only by the empty feeling it leaves in your heart when you've spent over an hour playing with it.
Just ignore Farmville altogether, except, of course, for anything hilarious written about it!
sounds a bit like the old SimFarm game that came out a little bit after the original SimCity when they were into all those Sim spinoff games. SimTower was also SWEET. I hear Andy Murray liked it.
I'm hoping they start charging soon because then my frugal self is out of there; I haven't paid a dollar and won't. For those who are unfamiliar with the game, the game play and culture is exactly as described.
Funny post Block. As a reward I will fertilize your fake crops with fake fertilizer from my fake farm so that they may yield you more fictitious experience.
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