Graphs are all the rage these days on AMDAL, so I thought I'd contribute the results of my latest research. The topic? Secret Santa. Many of our fine readers, maybe not the hispanoparlantes, work in offices. As such, you've probably been asked to participate -or even have participated- in a Secret Santa competition(?)/ game/ torture/ activity before. As you know these work as follows: a group of "volunteers" "agree" to purchase "gifts" for one another for "Christmas." There is usually a price cap from around $10 to the current $15-20 range given today's inflation and our advancing age and career successes. With that money you buy the best/worst/only gift you can come up with for your "secret" and secretly give it to that person. In a huge spectacle of "fun" the gifts are revealed and people are "excited" and even divine their respective givers. (This allows for subsequent revengeful acts for said "gifts.") There are even Chinese Auction variants on the tradition, though those are too complicated for this medium.
So AMDAL, what are your thoughts on office/friend Secret Santa-ing? Mine are as follows:
The graph above explains my thoughts for the visual learners among us. Essentially you're almost guaranteed to get some piece of crap paperweight light-up, make-noise tsotski. I've got enough of those, thanks. Next time you want to clean off your desk, use the trash can, not the office party.
Having said that, one potential benefit from such purchases is an increase in the production of polluting, temperature-raising, Global Warming-stirring greenhouse gases emerging from China. This leads to shorter winters, droughts, and a growing inequity in our trade deficit.
Some genius gifts are bad enough you almost hope the giver was trying to evoke laughter with their "present" - either that or the gift was the result of charity spending at the local Christmas Tree Store who's had an 11 month long sale since last Christmas. Another Rudolph sweater, I need not.
And lastly you come to the creative or practical category. This, of course, is my favorite. Just recently I was given the "opportunity" to be a Secret Santa. And while I declined, I realized that if I had participated, I probably would have purchased batteries. Good ol' AAs. They're within the allotted $10; everyone needs them; no one ever has enough or remembers to buy them. What could be more practical and ultimately useful to the receiver? As Larry David would say, don't bring me the bottle of wine for dinner, just bring me the 50 bucks. I agree. This Christmas season, let's not add to our collective waste. Give the gift that keeps on giving (rechargeables?). Give batteries.
13 comments:
i'm going to a secret santa party on Saturday night instead of watching the UT game. THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER COMMIT TO ANYTHING BEFORE THE LAST MINUTE.
I am ALWAYS the person who puts tons of thought into the gift and then ends up getting a White Castle cook book in return (true story). I'm seriously about 0-15 in Secret Santa
so Makens, what's an example of a great gift you've given in Secret Santa?
I also want to know what Makens has failed with, because she's generally awesome and stylish. I hardly believe you're 0 -15!
We do a $15 secret santa each year at my office. Last year I drew a male co-worker (who's a totally normal 30ish dude's-dude kind of guy), so I gave him a copy-paper box from the office with a 6-pack, bag of Tostitos, a jar of salsa & a year subscription to ESPN magazine. It went over much better then the usual candles, Starbuck's card and such we all end up with.
I highly recommend stealing the idea if you draw a male colleague.
whoops, left out the words "in it" at the end there. The stuff was in the copy-paper box to make the gift seem crappy but then turn out awesome.
No I'm 0-15 on receiving. I mean, this isn't the most exciting gift but last year I got my coworker (a very earthy red head art designer) a pantone swatch tea mug that matched the color of her trademark hair, a metal tea ball and a reusable tote bag for carrying her lunch to work. Our limit was only $10, but I thought that was way more thoughtful/useful than a White Castle cookbook. There aren't even any White Castles in Manhattan!
My last go-'round with Secret Santa sucked. I drew the name of the mousy, petite and awk 30ish Wellesley grad that liked to pad about the office in slippers all day (this was at a large international law firm). I bought her a copy of "Gilead," which was a bestseller that year (and in her wheelhouse if she'd bothered to read a review), and a box of chocolates. I saw her return it the next day while getting coffee at a Fifth Ave Borders.
My "santa," a nice fellow who'd literally spent his mid-twenties in a Russian prison under suspicion of espionage, gave me a set of earmuff-headphones, which reside in their original packaging somewhere in the back of my closet.
-Le BMar
I'll take those headphone earmuffs. Commenter/contributor secret santa anyone?
What the f is your problem with White Castle. I use a period not a question mark because this is deadly serious. Slain DJ Josh Link would agree:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/01/nyregion/01bigcity.html
ps- There are actually three in Manhattan
My problem is not with White Castle per se, but with the idea of a White Castle cook book. Maybe I wasn't being clear - this is a cook book that has recipes for already cooked White Castle goods. I.e.g. you go buy a dozen sliders and make them into a casserole. What is the point of delicious fast food if you have to take it home and recook it into something more complex, likely less delicious?
You've obviously never seen the McDonalds Pizza:
http://www.248am.com/images/mcdonaldspizza.jpg
I'm neither Christian nor Employed so I don't really understand this whole secret santa (does it have to do with Holy Trinities?).
But seriously, I've never had White Castle but the idea of a slider casserole grosses me out.
I'd be curious to see how many sliders Joey Chestnut could eat and if a casserole would be more efficient for eating purposes.
Post a Comment