Totally Creepy

Coke Zero started this app on Facebook where it matches your face with someone else on Facebook who looks just like you, then connects y'all. I am sufficiently creeped out.

Coke Zero is saying that if Coke Zero has the same great taste as Coke, then there is a chance that someone out there has your face too. I'm not sure what the point of this whole thing is, because they're kinda saying we're all interchangeable and/or their product tastes like something that can eat away battery acid.

Click here to find your twin, if you dare... email your matches to allmydealsarelive@gmail.com and we'll post some matches after the jump for commentary on likeliness.

Priorities

World #4 ranked tennis player Andy Murray has recently found that life is less like this and more like this

From The Internets

Empire has somehow convinced a gaggle of mostly-A-list actors to relive their glory-days for a photo-op. More great ones here.

A Confession

This photo displays how mythical creatures can live in perfect harmony.

If a vampire, werewolf and undead Mario can't get along, who can?

Can you hear that in the distance? No? Listen closely. Ahhh there it is. The terrifying sound of millions of teen girls losing their shit. Unless you live in a hole, or maybe in Hanover, you know that last week marked the much awaited release date of the second installment of Twilight. You can’t sign onto a legitimate American website these days without seeing reviews for New Moon and pictures of Taylor Lautner’s abs plastered across the homepage. Odds are some creepy middle-aged secretary in your office took a day off last week to wait in line for tickets. Or your younger sister/girlfriend/mom has Robert Pattenson’s mug taped up all over her room. In fact, things have gotten so out of hand that if I found out that my dad’s copy of American Lion was actually one of those hollowed out books inside which he secretly kept a copy of Breaking Dawn, I’m not entirely sure I’d be surprised.


So that’s why I chose to read Twilight, despite my better instincts. Because this phenomenon touches us all. And there aren’t enough safe words in the English language to stop it.

I figured this would be a good medium for my confession. We at AMDAL are nothing if not topical. If a post about Twilight, the greatest craze of our time, doesn’t fit that criterion, then I’m not quite sure what does (Wars? Recessions? Doubt it. Nothing is more topical than mythical creatures. See also, Block’s post on zombies.) And during some of our more momentous political debates, we’ve stressed the importance of taking a fair and balanced view of topics by educating ourselves on both sides of the issues at hand. I just couldn’t go on bashing something with no knowledge as to how good or bad it actually was. It’s like DMB – I mean, can that many people can’t be wrong? For all I knew, I was missing out on a literary masterpiece.

Now, as it turns out, I wasn’t. But to make all of my toiling through what can only be described as “vampire romance” feel worthwhile I’ve decided to share some of the excuses I’ve been forced to spin in the last few weeks. There’s nothing worse than the look of horror and pity on friends’ faces when you admit you have indulged in supernatural abstinence parables. So, just in case Edward Cullen fooled you too, here’s my handy dandy guide to how to lie your way out of an awkward Twilight confession moment:

1. My 18 Year Old Sister Made Me Do It
This excuse is especially great if you’re talking to someone who also has younger siblings. If all goes well, you can parlay it into a conversation about how many times your adorable little sis tricked you into watching The Little Mermaid when you were kids or how many years you had to pretend to believe in Santa, despite figuring out the ruse in 1992 due to one sloppy mistake on your mom’s part involving a doll that peed and a very thin Bradlee’s shopping bag.

2. Because Rob Pattinson’s in the Movie
Use this if you’re deep in conversation with a Harry Potter reader or any female superfan. If you’re lucky, the former will likely diverge on a tangent about how the random kid from the Goblet of Fire movie managed to land it big and become a huge heartthrob out of nowhere. If it’s the latter, a simple comment about how you WERE on Team Edward until you saw New Moon, but how you’re now on Team Jacob, will likely get you shunned, providing an easy exit from the conversation.

Accio faux hawk!

3. I Wanted to Perform an Analysis of How Stephanie Meyer Modeled Edward and Bella’s Relationship on that of Famous Literary Couples
This is perfect if the desired reaction is an over the top eye roll combined with an under the breath, “get a life.” Odds are this person won’t want to talk to you about anything after this, which could actually be a good thing depending on who it is. Warning: This approach is not for use with someone who could potentially be a secret lit nerd, as it could lead to an excruciating conversation around similarities between Edward and Darcy. Once this starts, I predict you’ll be looking to take a vamp fang to the eye.

4. I Enjoy Books That Make Me Feel Like the Author is Mocking My Intelligence
This is perfect if you know the person you’re speaking with actually read and enjoyed Twilight and you’re looking to horribly offend them.

5. I’m Actually an Abstinent Teetotaler and Was Happy to Finally Find a Book I Can Relate To
This works if you’re any of the following:
1. Mormon
2. Steve Carrell’s character from the 40 Year Old Virgin
3. A master of sarcasm

Secret Santa

Graphs are all the rage these days on AMDAL, so I thought I'd contribute the results of my latest research. The topic? Secret Santa. Many of our fine readers, maybe not the hispanoparlantes, work in offices. As such, you've probably been asked to participate -or even have participated- in a Secret Santa competition(?)/ game/ torture/ activity before. As you know these work as follows: a group of "volunteers" "agree" to purchase "gifts" for one another for "Christmas." There is usually a price cap from around $10 to the current $15-20 range given today's inflation and our advancing age and career successes. With that money you buy the best/worst/only gift you can come up with for your "secret" and secretly give it to that person. In a huge spectacle of "fun" the gifts are revealed and people are "excited" and even divine their respective givers. (This allows for subsequent revengeful acts for said "gifts.") There are even Chinese Auction variants on the tradition, though those are too complicated for this medium.

So AMDAL, what are your thoughts on office/friend Secret Santa-ing? Mine are as follows:

The graph above explains my thoughts for the visual learners among us. Essentially you're almost guaranteed to get some piece of crap paperweight light-up, make-noise tsotski. I've got enough of those, thanks. Next time you want to clean off your desk, use the trash can, not the office party.

Having said that, one potential benefit from such purchases is an increase in the production of polluting, temperature-raising, Global Warming-stirring greenhouse gases emerging from China. This leads to shorter winters, droughts, and a growing inequity in our trade deficit.

Some genius gifts are bad enough you almost hope the giver was trying to evoke laughter with their "present" - either that or the gift was the result of charity spending at the local Christmas Tree Store who's had an 11 month long sale since last Christmas. Another Rudolph sweater, I need not.

And lastly you come to the creative or practical category. This, of course, is my favorite. Just recently I was given the "opportunity" to be a Secret Santa. And while I declined, I realized that if I had participated, I probably would have purchased batteries. Good ol' AAs. They're within the allotted $10; everyone needs them; no one ever has enough or remembers to buy them. What could be more practical and ultimately useful to the receiver? As Larry David would say, don't bring me the bottle of wine for dinner, just bring me the 50 bucks. I agree. This Christmas season, let's not add to our collective waste. Give the gift that keeps on giving (rechargeables?). Give batteries.

Duke beaver

I think these guys and gals are deserving of a nice big hug for this clever video.

Over/Under Rated: Top Ski Resorts

It's freakin' freezing out and you know what that means: it's time to bundle up and hit the slopes! While I leave most of the snow-based sports to my brother* (front & center above), even my sun-lovin, beach-bum self enjoys a day of skiing.

Plus ARod loves to ski... and if ARod loves something, well, so do I.

Ski Magazine has done all the dirty work for me. Wahoo! Click the different categories on the bottom of the wheel and you'll see the different ratings change. Pretty nifty, huh?

Looking forward to everyone's reactions on how far off the reviews are- I expect some heavy commentary regarding the in's and out's of everyone's favorite slopes.

xo- AOG

*photo montage of my favorite skiing moments re: my brother after the jump and some inspiration for fun (stupid boy moments included) this winter!


ABasin Beach Day & Keg-Jumping

How it can go right....


or terribly wrong...





Annnd some sweet shots from ski trips- Enjoy!

Random Thoughts

To me, happiness isn't something you can attain simply by doing good or spending time with your friends and family or even pursuing some noble goal. Happiness is also about having lots of money. And to get it that money, you need to make your friends and family think that you'll pay them back.

As I dragged the blade of my new razor across the irritation of my neck, I thought back to the time I dragged the hull of my new sailboat across the pavement of my driveway.

Actual front-page headline of this week’s Village Voice: “Who Do We Have to Blow to Get Gay Marriage in New York?” I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure that type of rhetoric isn’t helping your case. Perhaps try something a little less polarizing, like Fellate.

Most women who are looking for love really only care about one thing: commitment. So, if you’re having a good first date with a woman and she invites you up to her apartment, decline. This lets her know that you’re not just trying to “get some.” Then, say "I love you," to let her know you’re in it for the long run.

Whenever I go in for my annual checkup and the doctor asks me how many drinks I normally have in a week, I always think for a second, come up with a ballpark figure and then subtract fifteen.

Submitted w/out Comment

GraphJam

Tiger Does not Keep an Eye on Fire Hydrants

• Tiger Woods by Dan Bern

More Dan Bern music on iLike

Looks like Tiger Woods will be cited for reckless driving for his predawn, post-Thanksgiving automobile accident. This story is pretty bizarre, and since it came on the heels of tabloid allegations that Tiger has a secret mistress, speculation runs rampant: did Woods intentionally smash his car, to coverup injuries sustained elsewhere*, such as in a physical altercation with Mrs. Elin Woods? Was Tiger distraught over the end of his marriage, causing one of the world's greatest athletes to drive soberly off the road? Wanda Sykes has some input...



*This is the "Sons of Anarchy" theory, for those in the know.