This morning, I walked past a woman who was holding a toddler in her left arm, while having an intense conversation into the cell phone in her right hand. Instinctively, I threw a rock at her to see which she would drop.
When I asked my boss about my job security in these tumultuous times, he said that I was the "Keystone of my Department." This metaphor meant one of two things:
1) If he removed me, the organization would topple.
2) He wasn't very fond of me at first, but since I'm all that he can afford, he has grown strangely nostalgic and wants as much of me as he can get.
Either way, I guess that I don't have to interview any time soon.
If you're planning on saying something mean to someone, avoid acting rashly by writing it on a sheet of paper. Fold the paper up and put it in a desk drawer to revisit the following day. Given time and a night's rest, you can undoubtedly think of harsher, more backhanded insults than came to you initially.
My girlfriend watches “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” for the salacious drama. I watch it for baby name ideas. Little NeNe is going to be a bundle of joy.
I wish that birthday gifts were as easy now as they were back in grade school. I never had to think: “Okay….Dad likes golf….and he knows how to read.…so I’ll get him a book….about golf.” Instead, I would just throw some glitter glue on a strip of pink construction paper and call it a bookmark. At least giving him a book about golf doesn’t make him demand that I throw the baseball around with him instead of helping Mom bake brownies.
4 comments:
Which came first: you saw that picture online and came up with that hilarious joke, or you came up with said hilarious joke and google imaged for the picture?
Either way, all 5 were fantastic.
RE: Baby names – have you considered “Shereé?” The misplaced accent aigu adds just the appropriate touch of class.
Well played, indeed.
nice one. i mean, nice five
Post a Comment