Nucci and I are involved in a group that does humanitarian engineering work. We're looking to win an award of $200,000 to support a project to provide clean water and better sanitation in Tanzania, but whether we win or not is dependent on a social experiment by the potential sponsors. It takes about 1 minute to vote, please help us out here:
http://www.justmeans.com/competitionidea/11741/promoteidea.html
It would also make a huge difference if you recruite a few other people to help us out as well. It's like a pyramid scheme leveraged to save the world, w00t
Maestro Knows
Maestro Knows - Episode 2 (Anthony Hamilton) from Maestro Knows on Vimeo.
In the running vignette of average guys who somehow live the dream*, behold Levi Maestro. By all accounts, Levi Maestro is an ordinary dude that seems to kind of just bum around LA. He might work at clothing store ALife, but I'm not really sure.
Anyways, he seems to be starting a video channel called Maestro Knows. The style is kind of like the Jeannie Tate interview-while-driving-a-minivan style, but less awkward and more awesome (see what I did there?).
So catch Levi doing everything I want to do, including some pretty normal dude stuff, like try to dunk a basketball and eat In-N-Out (above). The key difference is that he does it while wearing $1,800 shoes or hanging out with Grammy Award winners. Dick.
*Not the 100 hr/week excel/ppt/seemlessweb/black car dream - the real dream.
A Rapper, A Novelist, and an Atheist Walk Into a Maher...
... and talk about Osama Bin Laden, the Taliban, and Al-Qaeda. Does hilarity ensue? Not really. Something does, but I'm pretty sure it's not hilarity. Anyway, it's interesting to watch.
Earth Hour
The following is an excerpt from an actual email (slightly altered to protect the identity of my employer) I received this afternoon:
"Please be advised that Beutsche Dank will be participating in the World Wildlife Fund's annual Earth Hour event this Saturday, March 28. Facility staff will begin switching off all nonessential lighting... at approximately 4:00PM.
Beutsche Dank’s participation in Earth Hour will contribute to increasing our collective understanding and awareness of the Beutsche Dank Sustainability Program. [Yes, that's the one where you don't use the milk for cereal.] The event will also support the Dank’s global goal to achieve carbon neutrality by 2012."
Earth Hour? This struck me as a spectacularly idiotic idea, so I visited the website http://www.earthhour.org/ to find out more. There, I learned that it was even sillier than I first imagined:
"For the first time in history, people of all ages, nationalities, race and background have the opportunity to use their light switch as their vote – Switching off your lights is a vote for Earth, or leaving them on is a vote for global warming. WWF are urging the world to VOTE EARTH and reach the target of 1 billion votes, which will be presented to world leaders at the Global Climate Change Conference in Copenhagen 2009."
(Watch the celebrities make a difference as they search for meaning in their empty lives; watch the brainwashed children regurgitate alarmist propaganda!)
Like a mosquito in a nudist colony, I thought: "Where do I begin?" But then, right as I was about to dive in with fork and knife, I received my daily Best of the Web email from James Taranto and, as luck would have it, he's organizing a last-minute counterprotest:
"Reader, if you are against global-warming hysteria, high taxes, socialized medicine and a weak foreign policy, Sunday is your day. Show how you feel about the issues by turning on your lights in the evening and leaving them on until you go to bed. If you go out for a drive after dark, make sure you turn your headlights on too.
Granted, the Earth Hour people have a head start on us. They started planning this months ago, whereas we're giving you all of 48 hours notice. Yet we think the outlook is bright for this effort. Tell your friends, tell them to tell their friends, and so on, and we'll bet millions of people across the country will turn their lights on Sunday night.
If no one will listen to the silent majority, let's at least make sure they see us."
Where do you stand? Vote with your light switch. And enjoy the weekend.
"Please be advised that Beutsche Dank will be participating in the World Wildlife Fund's annual Earth Hour event this Saturday, March 28. Facility staff will begin switching off all nonessential lighting... at approximately 4:00PM.
Beutsche Dank’s participation in Earth Hour will contribute to increasing our collective understanding and awareness of the Beutsche Dank Sustainability Program. [Yes, that's the one where you don't use the milk for cereal.] The event will also support the Dank’s global goal to achieve carbon neutrality by 2012."
Earth Hour? This struck me as a spectacularly idiotic idea, so I visited the website http://www.earthhour.org/ to find out more. There, I learned that it was even sillier than I first imagined:
"For the first time in history, people of all ages, nationalities, race and background have the opportunity to use their light switch as their vote – Switching off your lights is a vote for Earth, or leaving them on is a vote for global warming. WWF are urging the world to VOTE EARTH and reach the target of 1 billion votes, which will be presented to world leaders at the Global Climate Change Conference in Copenhagen 2009."
(Watch the celebrities make a difference as they search for meaning in their empty lives; watch the brainwashed children regurgitate alarmist propaganda!)
Like a mosquito in a nudist colony, I thought: "Where do I begin?" But then, right as I was about to dive in with fork and knife, I received my daily Best of the Web email from James Taranto and, as luck would have it, he's organizing a last-minute counterprotest:
"Reader, if you are against global-warming hysteria, high taxes, socialized medicine and a weak foreign policy, Sunday is your day. Show how you feel about the issues by turning on your lights in the evening and leaving them on until you go to bed. If you go out for a drive after dark, make sure you turn your headlights on too.
Granted, the Earth Hour people have a head start on us. They started planning this months ago, whereas we're giving you all of 48 hours notice. Yet we think the outlook is bright for this effort. Tell your friends, tell them to tell their friends, and so on, and we'll bet millions of people across the country will turn their lights on Sunday night.
If no one will listen to the silent majority, let's at least make sure they see us."
Where do you stand? Vote with your light switch. And enjoy the weekend.
AMDAL Annual Baseball Preview, 600-pounder edition
There are three teams in baseball: Yankees, Mets, Red Sox and then the garbage (everyone else). That’s it. So what if the Phillies are the reigning world champs (sorry, Japan [insert offensive GGMM joke @ here?]). So what if the Cubbies are F-ing luvable? Or that Pujols (future Met firstbaseman obvi) plays in St. Louis?
Doesn’t matter. There’s only three teams that matter.
Veteran major leaguer Julian Tavarez recently proved this point. Tavarez isn’t a great ballplayer. But he’s a Yogi-esque observer of the truth.
Recently, after waiting for a Yankee/Mets/Red Sock offer to play major league baseball, Tavarez ended up resignedly settling for a contract with the Washington Nationals. Reporters asked Tavarez why he decided to sign up for such a mediocre team.
“Why did I sign with the Nationals?” Tavarez told a group of reporters*. “When you go to a club at 4 in the morning, and you’re just waiting, waiting, a 600-pounder looks like J-Lo. And to me this is Jennifer Lopez right here. It's 4 in the morning. Too much to drink. So, Nationals [are] Jennifer Lopez to me.”
In the spirit of Julian Tavarez, we provide season-starting notes on some ball clubs that look like Jennifer Lopez alllll the time…
What to watch for: Yankees
1. Joba Chamberlin (above as a lion during his pledge term)—is he going to get more awesome? (No)
2. Arod—what will the best taunt be? Aroid? Afraud? Will BoSawx fans hold up mirrors for him to smooch/canoodle? What Madonna song plays when he comes up to bat in opposing ballparks? The Sports Guy loves this.
3. Steinbrenner Death watch—too soon? The man is not well. Lets get some honest information out there. If Yankee stadium is partially funded by taxpayer dollars, accurate information about ballclub ownership seems reasonable.
What to watch for: Mets
1. David Wright—is it time yet for Derek Jeter to transfer his soul into wright’s body and live forever?
2. K-Rod/Putz—two years ago these were, arguably, two of the four best closers in baseball. Now, one is top dog and the other fetches the doughnuts. When does Poootz snap?
3. Citifield v. New Yankee Stadium—Citifield loses this argument, right? That seems apparent. Do Mets fans revolt?
What to watch for: Red Sox
1. Possible erosion—What if the Sox are secretly the “600-pounder” that Tavarez fears? The Sox made no substantive improvements on last year’s team. They chased new Yankee slugger Mark Teixeira all winter, and didn’t sign him. They no longer have Manny. The Tampa Ray Rays beat them last year. The Yankees bought a truckload of new talent. This could be the year the Sox fall apart.
2. Big Papi—he’s toast, isn’t he?
3. John Smoltz—Smoltz could be secret weapon. If he is old Smoltzie, then the Sox will be getting an all-star pitcher joining an already loaded staff mid-season. Its almost unfair.
*-click that link.
Doesn’t matter. There’s only three teams that matter.
Veteran major leaguer Julian Tavarez recently proved this point. Tavarez isn’t a great ballplayer. But he’s a Yogi-esque observer of the truth.
Recently, after waiting for a Yankee/Mets/Red Sock offer to play major league baseball, Tavarez ended up resignedly settling for a contract with the Washington Nationals. Reporters asked Tavarez why he decided to sign up for such a mediocre team.
“Why did I sign with the Nationals?” Tavarez told a group of reporters*. “When you go to a club at 4 in the morning, and you’re just waiting, waiting, a 600-pounder looks like J-Lo. And to me this is Jennifer Lopez right here. It's 4 in the morning. Too much to drink. So, Nationals [are] Jennifer Lopez to me.”
In the spirit of Julian Tavarez, we provide season-starting notes on some ball clubs that look like Jennifer Lopez alllll the time…
What to watch for: Yankees
1. Joba Chamberlin (above as a lion during his pledge term)—is he going to get more awesome? (No)
2. Arod—what will the best taunt be? Aroid? Afraud? Will BoSawx fans hold up mirrors for him to smooch/canoodle? What Madonna song plays when he comes up to bat in opposing ballparks? The Sports Guy loves this.
3. Steinbrenner Death watch—too soon? The man is not well. Lets get some honest information out there. If Yankee stadium is partially funded by taxpayer dollars, accurate information about ballclub ownership seems reasonable.
What to watch for: Mets
1. David Wright—is it time yet for Derek Jeter to transfer his soul into wright’s body and live forever?
2. K-Rod/Putz—two years ago these were, arguably, two of the four best closers in baseball. Now, one is top dog and the other fetches the doughnuts. When does Poootz snap?
3. Citifield v. New Yankee Stadium—Citifield loses this argument, right? That seems apparent. Do Mets fans revolt?
What to watch for: Red Sox
1. Possible erosion—What if the Sox are secretly the “600-pounder” that Tavarez fears? The Sox made no substantive improvements on last year’s team. They chased new Yankee slugger Mark Teixeira all winter, and didn’t sign him. They no longer have Manny. The Tampa Ray Rays beat them last year. The Yankees bought a truckload of new talent. This could be the year the Sox fall apart.
2. Big Papi—he’s toast, isn’t he?
3. John Smoltz—Smoltz could be secret weapon. If he is old Smoltzie, then the Sox will be getting an all-star pitcher joining an already loaded staff mid-season. Its almost unfair.
*-click that link.
Snappy Answers To Stupid Questions
Two days ago I spent the night in the Sleep Lab at North Shore LIJ to participate in something called a Polysomnography Study, or PSG*. A PSG is a procedure that monitors your sleep. To properly diagnose a sleep disorder I may have (according to a some very fine biddies, "I snore weird"), my doctor told me to take the test. The whole thing is a real treat:
- You arrive at the lab at 8:30pm, change into your boxers and wait around for an hour. To pass the time, there is a painting of a creek on the wall.
- A male nurse, who enjoys talking about soccer and high cholesterol, comes in, says hello and straps a heart- and stomach-monitor around your torso.
- Male nurse talks your ear off about soccer and high cholesterol.
- Male nurse swabs your face with alcohol (the kind that smells like Clearasil, not vodka) and applies goopy vaseline to your visage, neck and hair. Though it's disgusting, you can't help but notice that the male nurse has the most delicate touch. To change the subject, you ask him about soccer and high cholesterol.
- Male nurse takes a handfull of electrodes and wantonly sticks them wherever he sees fit, especially on your face. Your leg hair shudders when he whips out the heavy-duty sticky tape.
- Male nurse attaches hundreds of tiny, scary wires to those electrodes, which feed back to this box that becomes your bed-side partner for the night.
- Male nurse places small tubes up your nostrils and affixes a pulse oximeter to your left pinky finger.
Once that's all through, you crawl into bed and he plugs the box into this charger; the two immediately start making loud buzzing and grinding noises. The anchored box also restricts your range of motion like nobody's business (think Neo on the uploading chair in the Nebuchadnezzar). Finally, he turns on an obnoxiously bright night-light, heads to the door and asks, "Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable?"
Stunned, all I can say is: "No, I'm just perfect." After 3 hours of tossing and turning (figuratively speaking), I sleep 3 hours - give or take a few. In the morning I realize that I missed a wonderful opportunity. Yes, I'm talking about everyone's favorite, Snappy Answers To Stupid Questions!
Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable?
SA1: You wouldn't happen to have a urinary catheder on you, would you?
SA2: The loud noise coming from the box sounds like an old VCR destroying a VHS tape. I'd prefer something that sounds like a pair of rabid racoons mating in a trash can.
SA3: No, when I sleep I like not being able to move my head.
SA4: This night-light isn't distracting enough. Please install a brighter one with high beams aimed directly at my face.
SA5: --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Let's try this again. If you have a decent one, drop it in the comments box. And by decent one, I don't mean "cow joke" or "rant about your boner for Jim Cramer and Harvard." The best one will be added to the last spot. Thanks!)
*Don't confuse PSG with PGS, the latter of which is short for Playground Style. While the term was originally used to describe some responsive controls in a Tony Hawk video game, you may have heard The Dodger use it to mean pretty much anything that's supa to see, like a nasty pong save or an EBA's turkey melt. Have a very Happy PGS Birthday, buddy!
Update: The results are in: I don't take sleep apnea! Can I get a hell yeah?
Bodacious Tatas
I am an avid follower of soccer (no I will not call it football) and there is a great finish to the English Premier League season with Manchester United one game ahead of Liverpool in the standings with only a few games left. I think what many people don't know is AIG paid $100 million to have their name on Manchester United's jerseys (granted it was a four year contract) and this hasn't raised many eyebrows. That is a story for another day.
What led me to post this is that Manchester United is shopping around for a new sponsor when the AIG deal ends in 2010. Currently a frontrunner is Tata, the Indian car company that is trying to make the worlds cheapest car. I am extremely excited. Why you ask? Can you imagine a soccer team with Tata written across the chest? Girls in the stands would be wearing the jerseys while jumping up and down after goals. Immature? Maybe
Anyway, it surprises me that Americans haven't saturated our sports yet with larger advertisements all over jerseys (key exceptions: Nascar, Poker players, others (e.g. naming of the NY MLS team the Red Bulls due to their sponsorship)). I even recently went on a company ski trip and one of my co-workers said he didn't understand why there weren't advertisements on the lift poles on the way up and also in the form of billboards on the way down. I laughed at the thought, but then he continued and said he would prefer it if they did because he was kind of bored and wouldn't mind looking at ski stuff he could buy (mind you it was a beautiful day in the mountains). No joke, I almost wanted to puke
There is hope though. On the flip side, Barcelona is the best team in the Spanish soccer league right now and they gave free rights to Unicef on their jerseys.
The two teams will likely meet in the Champions League at some point and are probably the two favorites to win it all. Pick your team
Hurray, you're an adult now
Some cultures believe that if you take a picture of someone, you've stolen his soul. My theory is that with each of the "grown up" items listed, your Essence slowly creeps out of your body, crawls under your cubicle, curls up and vanishes along with your Hopes and Dreams. Read on!
-A drape to cover the empty space between the bottom of the bed frame (wheels still attached) and the floor
-A Subaru
-A rug to "pull the room together"
-A (solo) ticket to the movie "He's Just Not That Into You" (Also would have accepted "One Week")
-Place mats
-A gel wrist pad (Bank Co. doesn't give a shit about your Carpal Tunnel)
-Hand towels to match your shower curtain
-Shortening
-Men: A cardigan
-Women: Cats
Please add your own in the comments
-A drape to cover the empty space between the bottom of the bed frame (wheels still attached) and the floor
-A Subaru
-A rug to "pull the room together"
-A (solo) ticket to the movie "He's Just Not That Into You" (Also would have accepted "One Week")
-Place mats
-A gel wrist pad (Bank Co. doesn't give a shit about your Carpal Tunnel)
-Hand towels to match your shower curtain
-Shortening
-Men: A cardigan
-Women: Cats
Please add your own in the comments
Dear A.I.G., I Quit!
"None of us should be cheated of our payments any more than a plumber should be cheated after he has fixed the pipes but a careless electrician causes a fire that burns down the house."
Read the full resignation letter from an AIG-FP Exec. VP here.
"Love Sex Magic" - Ciara / Justin Timberlake
The jam of the week is the video below because it's a pretty good song and Ciara's a babe. But it got me thinking. Pretty much all relationships have some form of jealousy issues. Your boyfriend has a babelicious coworker, your girlfriend has a ton of guy friends, your stalkee has been dating someone for two years and it's getting ridiculous.
Well celebrities are just like us, except more attractive. Imagine being JT. You go home to Jessica Biel (above) every day but things like this (below) are part of your job.
I've compiled a hypothetical conversation that we've surely all had at some point in our lives.
JT: "Cmon baby, I work with her"
JB: "I don't care, she's clearly into you"
JT: "It doesn't matter, I don't want to be with her, I want to be with you"
JB: "That's not good enough, how can I trust you?"
JT: "If I buy you a Maserati, let you cameo on SNL with me and then take you to my restaurant, will that make you feel better?"
JB: "...And a pony."
Happy 30,000 hits everyone.
Well celebrities are just like us, except more attractive. Imagine being JT. You go home to Jessica Biel (above) every day but things like this (below) are part of your job.
I've compiled a hypothetical conversation that we've surely all had at some point in our lives.
JT: "Cmon baby, I work with her"
JB: "I don't care, she's clearly into you"
JT: "It doesn't matter, I don't want to be with her, I want to be with you"
JB: "That's not good enough, how can I trust you?"
JT: "If I buy you a Maserati, let you cameo on SNL with me and then take you to my restaurant, will that make you feel better?"
JB: "...And a pony."
Happy 30,000 hits everyone.
Random Thoughts
When I write, Microsoft Word often underlines certain words or phrases that don’t meet its grammatical standards. To make them disappear, I right-click and either choose “Ignore Once” or Word’s superior recommendation. I mean, I right-click and either chooses “Ignore Once” or Word’s superior recommendation.
Subway ad: “Change your life. Get a new job parking cars in Manhattan.” I’ve been saying it to my liberal friends for over a year now: Change doesn’t necessarily mean for the better.
If you're one of those people who refers to 2010 as “oh ten” you should probably refer to the current year as “oh oh nine.” You know, so at least you're a consistent asshole.
The other day I scheduled an appointment with a new doctor. After I provided my last name to the receptionist, she said, “Thank you. You said your first name was Scott. Is that spelled with one ‘t’?” “No,” I said. “It’s spelled correctly.”
Last week I went to the Citibank on William Street. The ATM screen displayed the following: “Are your retirement savings in a safe place? Roll over your 401(k) from a past employer to an FDIC insured Citibank IRA.” I inserted a debit card, entered my pin and elected to withdraw $100 in fast cash. The machine made some blender-like sounds and then said it was out of money.
Obama's New Year's message to Iran
Over the last couple months, I've been a bit resistant to the recent new-school-ness that's been plaguing our internets. Facebook is changing, Twitter is invading even old-school rap circles , the Iphone is catching up with it's 1984 Macintosh (sup copy/paste). And for the most part, I've been anxious to embrace it. But just recently, technology won.
Below is a clip of Barack Obama addressing the people and leaders of Iran via Youtube. It's an impressive act of graciousness and one that probably can be accomplished so effortlessly and effectively in the Google (Skynet?) age.
The bitch about it is that I only found this out via Martha Stewart on Twitter. The Twat tweeted about it, which made me check out the tweeted NYTimes article, which linked me to whitehouse.gov, which I then followed to Youtube to grab the embed, to share with all of you. Mindnumbing? Yes. Helpful? Probably.
Happy Friday. Stay tuned for FBF or Random Thoughts or some other ingenius thing from Scos.
Update: Martha Stwitter was probably tweeting about Obama's appearance on Leno. Whatever.
Below is a clip of Barack Obama addressing the people and leaders of Iran via Youtube. It's an impressive act of graciousness and one that probably can be accomplished so effortlessly and effectively in the Google (Skynet?) age.
The bitch about it is that I only found this out via Martha Stewart on Twitter. The Twat tweeted about it, which made me check out the tweeted NYTimes article, which linked me to whitehouse.gov, which I then followed to Youtube to grab the embed, to share with all of you. Mindnumbing? Yes. Helpful? Probably.
Happy Friday. Stay tuned for FBF or Random Thoughts or some other ingenius thing from Scos.
Update: Martha Stwitter was probably tweeting about Obama's appearance on Leno. Whatever.
CQ reporter Lydia G. on Arne Duncan
Watch CQ reporter and AMDAL's good friend Lydia G as she reports the shit out of Arne Duncan's metoric rise to glory. I promise, it's easier than reading her cover page article.
Good work Lyl.
!@#$%^& Blogger
Yesterday I wrote what I thought was a funny, incisive post on the AIG bonus kerfuffle, entitled: "AIG: No One (Out)rages Anymore." It opened:
The big news this week that has everyone and his sister up in arms is that AIG, the shamed insurance giant (I believe it's a company as well, though no one refers to it as such), which received $170 billion in government bailout funds, paid $165 million in "rentention" bonuses to executives in the financial products division, a.k.a. the guys who screwed the pooch. Why this is big news today and not months ago when The Treasury Department and Federal Reserve first caught wind of it raises all kinds of questions about what the heck is going on here.
I then proceeded to rip on Democrats and Republicans alike and their collective outrage at the whole situation. I made some jokes about ritual suicide, teleprompter necessity, and credit-default swaps - a financial derivative I specialize in but don't understand. In characteristic fashion, I was harder on the liberals than on the conservatives and tried to present some lesser known facts and quotes. I mixed up my tenses a lot too.
Right before I post the thing, I insert one last link (it compared Barney Frank, the petulant, slobbering Looney Toon who heads the House Financial Services Committee, to the Hangman from Robin Hood Men in Tights) and suddenly, with no warning, Blogger - the site we use for AMDAL - eats my stuff. Seriously, 65% of it (i.e. the middle three paragraphs) - gone, faster than a freshman girl and a box of breadsticks.
The big news this week that has everyone and his sister up in arms is that AIG, the shamed insurance giant (I believe it's a company as well, though no one refers to it as such), which received $170 billion in government bailout funds, paid $165 million in "rentention" bonuses to executives in the financial products division, a.k.a. the guys who screwed the pooch. Why this is big news today and not months ago when The Treasury Department and Federal Reserve first caught wind of it raises all kinds of questions about what the heck is going on here.
I then proceeded to rip on Democrats and Republicans alike and their collective outrage at the whole situation. I made some jokes about ritual suicide, teleprompter necessity, and credit-default swaps - a financial derivative I specialize in but don't understand. In characteristic fashion, I was harder on the liberals than on the conservatives and tried to present some lesser known facts and quotes. I mixed up my tenses a lot too.
Right before I post the thing, I insert one last link (it compared Barney Frank, the petulant, slobbering Looney Toon who heads the House Financial Services Committee, to the Hangman from Robin Hood Men in Tights) and suddenly, with no warning, Blogger - the site we use for AMDAL - eats my stuff. Seriously, 65% of it (i.e. the middle three paragraphs) - gone, faster than a freshman girl and a box of breadsticks.
Frustrated and looking to ease my mind, I turned on the tv, only to find Jon Stewart opening the Daily Show with an "AIG outrage" piece much like mine, albeit slightly more self-righteous and a little less caustic. Worse, he made absolutely no reference to Chris Dodd, AIG's largest single recipient of campaign donations in 2008, or his little amendment - which is a joke in itself. (The John Oliver St. Paddy's Day reporting, however, is excellent. J-E-T-S!)
Anyway, here's the last remaining part of my post, an actual notice I found taped to the fridge at work. My firm, a company that sounds a little bit like Beutsche Dank, just received over $12,000,000,000 in taxpayer bailout money from - guess who? - none other than AIG! Hopefully now, with this huge influx in cash, BD will allow its hardworking employees to again use the communal milk "for personal use including cereal."
Anyway, here's the last remaining part of my post, an actual notice I found taped to the fridge at work. My firm, a company that sounds a little bit like Beutsche Dank, just received over $12,000,000,000 in taxpayer bailout money from - guess who? - none other than AIG! Hopefully now, with this huge influx in cash, BD will allow its hardworking employees to again use the communal milk "for personal use including cereal."
The Work Pillow
This beats sleeping on the anti-carpal-tunnel wrist pad. Or a stack of marked up pitchbooks. Or your bonus.
Best if used while under your desk.
Overheard@VLS
"Back home there's a bar that makes green beer. Do they do that up here?"--law school student, apparently without access to interwebs, bars, or Catholic* churches.
*-I'm Catholic. So it's cool?
*-I'm Catholic. So it's cool?
Iphone OS 3.0: Update
I beat Weiss to it because he's skiing in CO (sucker)
This morning Apple gave journalists a sneak peak into the Iphone / Touch software update coming July 11.
And there's a bunch of mumbo jumbo about pushing and apps etc. which no one but the fanboys gives a shit about. However the one thing that nearly made me pizz in my jants was the expected copy / paste functionality.
It's nice to know I can finally toss the backup razor I used to hold numbers while I clumsily texted them to friends. I hate that by the way. Can we as a group agree to shift the onus of number-writing back to the person who needs the number in the first place? And while we're at it, can we agree that it's ok for men to use loofahs? They're much more efficient at building a lather, do a better job of scrubbing and help to save money on body wash. All in all, they're advantageous to my world. I mean they would be, if I used one.
Update: Full list of new features, including a new search function (also snaps-worthy)
AMDAL shirts available now
Fresh batch of AMDAL shirts (see sidebar) just came in the door last night. Send me an email (allmydealsarelive@gmail.com) with your address and I'll let you know where you can send the cash.
Random Thoughts
On the back of my Old Spice Classic Scent Body Wash is the following: “The Original. If your grandfather hadn’t worn it, you wouldn’t exist.” Prior to reading this, I didn't know that “worn it” means “drilled your grandmother.”
Before the advent of text messaging, email and Facebook, how did guys court girls they were interested in? According to my dad, you simply “walked up to them” and “started a conversation.” Then, when you “built up enough courage,” you asked them out “on a date.” If they accepted, you “picked them up” and “brought them flowers.” My dad’s freaking hilarious.
Enzyte, the herbal nutritional supplement whose television commercials are ubiquitous and extremely creepy, advertises itself as “the once-daily tablet for natural male enhancement.” Can someone explain to me what is natural about taking a pill that makes your johnson so big you can’t stop smiling?
Actual subway ad: “A heads-up. Starting in 2015 the new Second Avenue subway will help relieve overcrowding on the Lexington line. Overdue, but excellent news.” That’s like a doctor telling an obese patient with severe heart disease: “In six years a new cholesterol medicine may or may not be available to help relieve the overcrowding in your coronary arteries.” Overdue, but excellent news.
The other day my boss asked me why I hadn’t attended an important meeting. “What meeting?” I responded. “The one we had at 3pm. I emailed the details out this morning. Don’t you read your email?” To rub it in my face – as is his wont – he checked his Lotus Notes to find the exact time it was sent. Embarrassingly, he discovered that I was not included on his distribution list. He then said, “You really need to make sure you receive the emails I send out.”
Before the advent of text messaging, email and Facebook, how did guys court girls they were interested in? According to my dad, you simply “walked up to them” and “started a conversation.” Then, when you “built up enough courage,” you asked them out “on a date.” If they accepted, you “picked them up” and “brought them flowers.” My dad’s freaking hilarious.
Enzyte, the herbal nutritional supplement whose television commercials are ubiquitous and extremely creepy, advertises itself as “the once-daily tablet for natural male enhancement.” Can someone explain to me what is natural about taking a pill that makes your johnson so big you can’t stop smiling?
Actual subway ad: “A heads-up. Starting in 2015 the new Second Avenue subway will help relieve overcrowding on the Lexington line. Overdue, but excellent news.” That’s like a doctor telling an obese patient with severe heart disease: “In six years a new cholesterol medicine may or may not be available to help relieve the overcrowding in your coronary arteries.” Overdue, but excellent news.
The other day my boss asked me why I hadn’t attended an important meeting. “What meeting?” I responded. “The one we had at 3pm. I emailed the details out this morning. Don’t you read your email?” To rub it in my face – as is his wont – he checked his Lotus Notes to find the exact time it was sent. Embarrassingly, he discovered that I was not included on his distribution list. He then said, “You really need to make sure you receive the emails I send out.”
Man of the Week - Jack Nicholson
You may be wondering why there's a picture of Lindsay Lohan when the MOTW is Jack Nicholson. Patience is a virtue:
People says
"Around 1:45 a.m., Lohan showed up outside actor Nicholson’s house on Mulholland Drive. Witnesses say the actress, accompanied by pals, buzzed the intercom numerous times and grew agitated, asking for “Jack” to open the gate.
The group was eventually let in, and Lohan remained inside until a bodyguard picked her up about 4:30 a.m. (Representatives for Nicholson could not immediately be reached for comment)."
Don't let his boyish good looks fool you - this mofo is old. 71, to be exact. If I can have burnt-out child stars banging down my door (to get weird, not leave poop / inflame) then I'd be one happy, dirty, old man.
Editors note: I realize that MOTW is meant to be among our friends, but the only cool thing I could think of no pictures could be materialized. So send your suggestions for next week.
All my posts involve glomming, FNL, College
This scene, from a two-week-old episode of FNL, likely illustrates the origins of glomming: geeky dude led to believe that once he graduates, goes to college, etc., he'll be cool (by "magic"?). Anyway, since this is a self-indulgent post mostly about my discovery of how to properly use the Hulu-machine, let me provide our readership with a new way to avoid term papers/TPS Reports: rogue hulu. You're welcome.
Model Fight!
Chaos erupts in crowd at NYC 'Top Model' auditions
http://m.apnews.com/ap/db_7731/contentdetail.htm?contentguid=3YZ65g3K
Update: via Perez
4 Fast 4 Furious
When did Subarus become cool? Was it back in September when I bought one (19 payments left!)? No. Was it when Paul Walker drives one in 4 Fast 4 Furious? Obv.
For the uninformed, Paul Walker played Texas football, appeared on Charles in Charge AND Who's the Boss, and is engaged to a teenager.
Did I mention I drive a Subaru?
Facebook Friday
Altruism
Janice C. meditation, yoga, bellydancing today. :D Tomorrow its back to healing people and working on donations for the Afghan orphanage (its opening March 21st!)
Michael D. at 5:36pm March 2
that sounds like a great life. congrats :)
Michael, my day: sleep, tv, daydrinking. :D Tomorrow, it’s back to making money and working on reservations for Restaurant Week (it’s ending March 21st!). Congrats?
“Sports”
Matt M. wonders if there are any lightweights left in this country.
Matt, I wonder if there are any people left in this country who care about crew.
Vanity / Confusion
Jason M. was at the gym at 7am for 1.5 hours now off to work...wait isn't it saturday? FUCK ME!
Jason, it was and I won’t. I’m fairly confident no one else will either, until you uninstall that Facebook Mobile application, buy a calendar and stop publicizing your workout schedules.
Spam
Andreas A. got phished - sorry for the spam.
Andy, why do I feel like you’re being insincere? Ah yes, it’s because you frequently spam my news feed with updates like “Andreas is hating slummerville,” “Andreas became a fan of Muse,” and – my favorite – playing the “Name Game (via Trish).” Please stop.
Friendship
Julie G. has the most amazing friends anyone could ask for. Thank you so much, Rachel, Chelsey and Alden! I love you.
Julie, your other, less amazing friends - Trish, Jane and Betty - are pissed that you left them out even though they were there with you through it all. Next time Katherine Heigl threatens to leave Grey's Anatomy, don’t count on them to drop everything and rush to your assistance again.
Philosophy
Stephan T.
Well, in the end when you fight for your woman it is far more special than existence itself.
Mr. T., what you just wrote is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever seen. At no point in your rambling, incoherent update were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in the Facebook community is now dumber for having read it. I award you no friends, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Lily Allen / GWB
Jen W. is "fuck you, fuck you very very much"
Jen, very progressive and high minded of you. Charming, really. Way to elevate the debate.
America, F*** Yeah
Lauren is at the airport where a woman just put a bucket of KFC through the security check. TEAM AMERICA!
Lauren, this is the first time a status update has made me feel something other than contempt. If only others would follow your lead. Thank you.
(Special thanks to Femi, Brian, and Jac. If you have a tip, email me at scott.linthicum@gmail.com and include all the text. Obliged.)
Janice C. meditation, yoga, bellydancing today. :D Tomorrow its back to healing people and working on donations for the Afghan orphanage (its opening March 21st!)
Michael D. at 5:36pm March 2
that sounds like a great life. congrats :)
Michael, my day: sleep, tv, daydrinking. :D Tomorrow, it’s back to making money and working on reservations for Restaurant Week (it’s ending March 21st!). Congrats?
“Sports”
Matt M. wonders if there are any lightweights left in this country.
Matt, I wonder if there are any people left in this country who care about crew.
Vanity / Confusion
Jason M. was at the gym at 7am for 1.5 hours now off to work...wait isn't it saturday? FUCK ME!
Jason, it was and I won’t. I’m fairly confident no one else will either, until you uninstall that Facebook Mobile application, buy a calendar and stop publicizing your workout schedules.
Spam
Andreas A. got phished - sorry for the spam.
Andy, why do I feel like you’re being insincere? Ah yes, it’s because you frequently spam my news feed with updates like “Andreas is hating slummerville,” “Andreas became a fan of Muse,” and – my favorite – playing the “Name Game (via Trish).” Please stop.
Friendship
Julie G. has the most amazing friends anyone could ask for. Thank you so much, Rachel, Chelsey and Alden! I love you.
Julie, your other, less amazing friends - Trish, Jane and Betty - are pissed that you left them out even though they were there with you through it all. Next time Katherine Heigl threatens to leave Grey's Anatomy, don’t count on them to drop everything and rush to your assistance again.
Philosophy
Stephan T.
Well, in the end when you fight for your woman it is far more special than existence itself.
Mr. T., what you just wrote is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever seen. At no point in your rambling, incoherent update were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in the Facebook community is now dumber for having read it. I award you no friends, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Lily Allen / GWB
Jen W. is "fuck you, fuck you very very much"
Jen, very progressive and high minded of you. Charming, really. Way to elevate the debate.
America, F*** Yeah
Lauren is at the airport where a woman just put a bucket of KFC through the security check. TEAM AMERICA!
Lauren, this is the first time a status update has made me feel something other than contempt. If only others would follow your lead. Thank you.
(Special thanks to Femi, Brian, and Jac. If you have a tip, email me at scott.linthicum@gmail.com and include all the text. Obliged.)
JOTW - Mike Posner
From his Wiki page:
Michael "Mike" Posner (born February 12, 1988)[1] is an American musician, singer/song-writer and producer. He is the founder and leading member of the group Mike Posner & the Brain Trust. He released his debut mixtape, A Matter of Time, March 1, 2009.[2]
Posner is originally from Southfield, Michigan. He currently attends Duke University in Durham, North Carolina. He has collaborated with rapper Big Sean (G.O.O.D. Music).[3]
[edit]
Are you kidding me? The kid who's on this, this and this is just a 21 y/o white kid that grew up in Michigan and goes to Duke?
This could have been me performing at my college, save the fact that I got waitlisted there (self-dep) and can't sing (double dep).
What do you think he majors in? Do you think he has to get extensions on his govy paper so he can go in Kanye's booth and sing over tracks with Big Sean? Does he swim in p**sy or just get his feet wet when he's feeling the need? BChristie, I'll need for you to investigate.
As you can tell, I'm really liking this average-guy-with-talent vignette that the hip hop industry is taking. First Asher Roth, now this guy.
I wonder if Def Jam signs bloggers.
Snappy Answers To Stupid Questions
Earlier today I was standing in line at the Charley's Grilled Subs in Penn Station and a woman in front of me orders a Philly cheesesteak - with the works. I order a turkey melt and the two of us spend the next five minutes watching a guy in an apron grill our respective lunches. Once hers is fully cooked and loaded up, the griller hands it off to the guy whose job it is to garnish and wrap the sub. He asks her, "Mayo, lettuce, tomato?"
After a few seconds she replies, "Can you make the cheese on the side?"
Looking at her in disbelief, the condiment guy asks, "Can I make the cheese on the side?"
After a few seconds she replies, "Can you make the cheese on the side?"
Looking at her in disbelief, the condiment guy asks, "Can I make the cheese on the side?"
"Yes," she insists, "Can you make the cheese on the side?"
"Absolutely not."
I couldn't help but laugh at the guy's deadpan response to this ridiculous woman, who obviously wasn't cooking on all her burners. The episode reminded me of one of my favorite long-running pieces in MAD Magazine: Al Jaffee's Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions. Sometimes, sarcasm and bluntness is the best medicine for stupidity.
Can you make the cheese on the side?
SA1: You're very lucky. While I now make a living wrapping sandwiches by the LIRR, I used to work in Wisconsin making cheese. As it happens, I was just about to go on the side and coagulate some pasteurized milk into curds and whey. Please be patient; this will only take a couple hours.
SA2: No problem. Enjoy this completely bare hoagie, also known as a roll. Your cheese, which is inextricably mixed with your steak and mushrooms, is on the side and wrapped in this soggy sandwich paper.
SA3: Sure. Let me just hop in my DeLorean, set the destination time to 5 minutes ago and we'll try this again. Since I now know you're a complete idiot I'll be sure to reinterpret 'cheesesteak' to mean 'steak without cheese.' See you soon.
SA4:---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Absolutely not."
I couldn't help but laugh at the guy's deadpan response to this ridiculous woman, who obviously wasn't cooking on all her burners. The episode reminded me of one of my favorite long-running pieces in MAD Magazine: Al Jaffee's Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions. Sometimes, sarcasm and bluntness is the best medicine for stupidity.
Can you make the cheese on the side?
SA1: You're very lucky. While I now make a living wrapping sandwiches by the LIRR, I used to work in Wisconsin making cheese. As it happens, I was just about to go on the side and coagulate some pasteurized milk into curds and whey. Please be patient; this will only take a couple hours.
SA2: No problem. Enjoy this completely bare hoagie, also known as a roll. Your cheese, which is inextricably mixed with your steak and mushrooms, is on the side and wrapped in this soggy sandwich paper.
SA3: Sure. Let me just hop in my DeLorean, set the destination time to 5 minutes ago and we'll try this again. Since I now know you're a complete idiot I'll be sure to reinterpret 'cheesesteak' to mean 'steak without cheese.' See you soon.
SA4:---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pretend this is an old issue of MAD and add your own Snappy Answer. Use the Comments button below, and make sure you don't fold the back page all the way - this could be worth something someday.
That's what Twitter said
Like everyone who's tried it, I'm trying to figure out what Twitter is good for. For me it's less of an issue because I frantically jump on as many bandwagons as possible (banking / macs / blogging / iphone / breakingiphone / losingiphone / iphone3G / quittingbanking / joshuajackson / streamsofconsciousness / Twitter).
Meanwhile, all the other Twitterers (Twats?*) are grappling with the decision of Tweeting or Facebook status updating, which initevitably begs the question: killself via shrapnel from schoolbus explosion or in spinning airplane turbine (Sully endorsed)
Well thankfully the Internet has found the solution to the problem no one gave a shit about 2 months ago: THATSWH.AT tracks all the tweets applicable to the term "that's what she said." And as you expected, it's awesome. Follow them now, you little lemming, you.
Source: That's what the Venture Beat said that the LA Times said
*Thanks Sars
Random Thoughts
On the C Train I saw a familiar ad: Learn English. It features an asian woman next to the toll-free number 1-800-ENGLISH. If I was riding a subway in Korea and saw an ad that read: 1-800-한국말, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't know to call either.
The other day I heard some strange sounds emanating from the cupboard above my sink. I opened the door and there, right in front of my face, was a huge mouse climbing out of a bag of Tostitos. Horrified, I slammed the door and jumped backwards. Then, unexpectedly, I experienced what the Germans call "schadenfreude," or pleasure derived from the misfortune of others. That rodent had just munched on some really stale chips.
A few blocks down my street there's an electronic and appliance store, P.C. Richard & Son. It showcases the following slogan in one of its windows: "The Company You Can Trust Since 1909." It got me thinking: Before 1909, Mr. Richard must have sold his customers some lousy, overpriced tv's and microwaves.
At a checkout counter in the Gristedes near my apartment, the woman working the register and her courtesy clerk were talking trash about a mutual colleague who was going through a rough patch. The clerk had a large, unintelligible tattoo on her neck and wore these hideous 2"-long acrylic fingernails. She stood about 5'2" and must have weighed at least 180 pounds. After bagging my skim milk, she stuffed a handful of Crunchy Cheetos into her mouth and said, "That bitch need to get her acts together."
On the platform of the Broadway-Nassau stop I overheard two gentlemen having a conversation. The first one asked, "Are you a tits guy or an ass guy?" Without hesitation the second said, "Definitely an ass guy." "But what about Lisa? She has huge jugs." "Yeah, but they always end up smelling like my breath, which is not so good."
The other day I heard some strange sounds emanating from the cupboard above my sink. I opened the door and there, right in front of my face, was a huge mouse climbing out of a bag of Tostitos. Horrified, I slammed the door and jumped backwards. Then, unexpectedly, I experienced what the Germans call "schadenfreude," or pleasure derived from the misfortune of others. That rodent had just munched on some really stale chips.
A few blocks down my street there's an electronic and appliance store, P.C. Richard & Son. It showcases the following slogan in one of its windows: "The Company You Can Trust Since 1909." It got me thinking: Before 1909, Mr. Richard must have sold his customers some lousy, overpriced tv's and microwaves.
At a checkout counter in the Gristedes near my apartment, the woman working the register and her courtesy clerk were talking trash about a mutual colleague who was going through a rough patch. The clerk had a large, unintelligible tattoo on her neck and wore these hideous 2"-long acrylic fingernails. She stood about 5'2" and must have weighed at least 180 pounds. After bagging my skim milk, she stuffed a handful of Crunchy Cheetos into her mouth and said, "That bitch need to get her acts together."
On the platform of the Broadway-Nassau stop I overheard two gentlemen having a conversation. The first one asked, "Are you a tits guy or an ass guy?" Without hesitation the second said, "Definitely an ass guy." "But what about Lisa? She has huge jugs." "Yeah, but they always end up smelling like my breath, which is not so good."
FNL: Episode 3.8 deleted scene
SPOILER ALERT: Don't click on the video or read the below if you aren't there yet (What's taking you so long? You know they're all on Hulu right?).
Jason Street wasn't my favorite character on the show. He always seemed a bit melodramatic. I realize that being crippled in the first episode of a show gives him license to be upset but I'm pretty sure he cried in every episode he was in. He was so emotional he even made Riggins cry in 3.8.
Well Street actor Scott Porter helps to redeem himself and his character in my mind by writing this article here . He talks about everything from how his character was written into a corner (Sharks? really?), how the writer's strike (ed: thankfully) stifled the relationship with him and his baby mama and what it was like to shoot with Riggins in NYC.
I applaud the show for mostly avoiding the easy plot lines about being a parapalegic in these last 4 episodes; it allowed audiences to relate to the character and actually feel for him. The gentle reminders ("They always remember the wheelchair") were deftly used to show how Street is dealing with all this shit on top of the fact that he can't get in and out of a car without help.
Goodbye, Street and good luck in NY. Hopefully you can move out of NJ soon.
Jason Street wasn't my favorite character on the show. He always seemed a bit melodramatic. I realize that being crippled in the first episode of a show gives him license to be upset but I'm pretty sure he cried in every episode he was in. He was so emotional he even made Riggins cry in 3.8.
Well Street actor Scott Porter helps to redeem himself and his character in my mind by writing this article here . He talks about everything from how his character was written into a corner (Sharks? really?), how the writer's strike (ed: thankfully) stifled the relationship with him and his baby mama and what it was like to shoot with Riggins in NYC.
I applaud the show for mostly avoiding the easy plot lines about being a parapalegic in these last 4 episodes; it allowed audiences to relate to the character and actually feel for him. The gentle reminders ("They always remember the wheelchair") were deftly used to show how Street is dealing with all this shit on top of the fact that he can't get in and out of a car without help.
Goodbye, Street and good luck in NY. Hopefully you can move out of NJ soon.
21st Century Whoopie Cushion
Like getting paid, this story is important. A few months ago the Medina City Council convened as it normally does to discuss local issues. However, this particular session was quickly interrupted when a bored youngster ripped some serious ass. The council members reacted as any group of mature adults in its situation would: by laughing uncontrollably like children. As they tried strenuously to regain their composure, the troublemaker released another perfectly timed blast, sending everyone into further fits of laughter. The council was forced to take an early recess.
"It was one of the most entertaining council meetings I've had in my whole life," Medina Mayor Jane Leaver said. "They started echoing off the walls, and we couldn't keep it together." The whole episode was caught on tape.
But here's where the story gets interesting. Yesterday the video was posted on the Puffington Host by blogger Alex Leo, who speculates that the gas wasn't real but rather a sound effect created by an iPhone application called the iFart. I know what you're thinking: "No f-ing way! Now, I have no choice but to finally buy an iPhone."
Not so fast, according to Ohio's Metro Blog: "Though the culprit was thought by many to be the iFart... it was real." It is not clear how the authenticity of the flatulence was corroborated, or whether the iFart can generate realistic smells.
For those who are interested, here are some of the features of the new iFart Version 1.1:
- New cutting edge fart sounds, a Record-A-Fart feature and Fart-a-Friend
- Fixes a sensitivity issue with Security Fart
- There are now 26 Fart Sounds... and the ability to record your own farts
- New Fart Sounds include: Bombardier, Brown Mosquito, Burrito Maximo, Laundry Day, Predator, Dirty Raoul, Silent But Deadly
"It was one of the most entertaining council meetings I've had in my whole life," Medina Mayor Jane Leaver said. "They started echoing off the walls, and we couldn't keep it together." The whole episode was caught on tape.
But here's where the story gets interesting. Yesterday the video was posted on the Puffington Host by blogger Alex Leo, who speculates that the gas wasn't real but rather a sound effect created by an iPhone application called the iFart. I know what you're thinking: "No f-ing way! Now, I have no choice but to finally buy an iPhone."
Not so fast, according to Ohio's Metro Blog: "Though the culprit was thought by many to be the iFart... it was real." It is not clear how the authenticity of the flatulence was corroborated, or whether the iFart can generate realistic smells.
For those who are interested, here are some of the features of the new iFart Version 1.1:
- New cutting edge fart sounds, a Record-A-Fart feature and Fart-a-Friend
- Fixes a sensitivity issue with Security Fart
- There are now 26 Fart Sounds... and the ability to record your own farts
- New Fart Sounds include: Bombardier, Brown Mosquito, Burrito Maximo, Laundry Day, Predator, Dirty Raoul, Silent But Deadly
The Road Less Traveled?
Joshua Jackson once again killed my dreams.
The first time JJ did it was in middle school. He promised me high school would be filled with melodrama, Katie Holmes climbing through my window, and rowboats. In reality it was mostly fights with my parents and crashing my '92 Dodge Caravan (hence fights).
A few years later, Josh made me strive for an Ivy League education so I could meet babes from episode
This time, with one simple trailer, Joshua Jackson has ruined everything I believe in. Like I mentioned in the apology post, there comes a time in a man's life where he starts to question The Path. School > Job > Wife > 2.2 Kids > Jersey > Death (> Repeat?). Everytime I think about alternatives, I always come back to the same three things: Motorcycles, Moving West and Surfing.
So thanks, Josh. With just 2.5 minutes of your unavoidably crappy film, you've once again shit on everything I thought life could be. I guess there's always bowling.
Update: There is now a related survey on this (see left).
*Elephant Walk is just another way of saying Bake Sale, Mom.
Lady Gaga Update
The Zeta Inquirer has just received an exclusive photo of Neims’ audition for Lady Gaga’s next music video. We’re all hoping he can make a breakout from the corporate world just like his fellow alumnus, David Webb ’05.
Gaga for Lady Gaga
The AMDAL community will be thrilled and amused to know that our very own Neims will be hanging out with Lady Gaga the evening of March 14th right after her performance at the Mezzanine in San Francisco. I know, it's hard to imagine, but it's true. It will probably look something like this:
Neims has been pretty excited as of late, alluding to the big night in a succession of GChat away messages:
On 2/25: can't wait to meet lady gaga
On 3/1: gaga for lady gaga
On 3/3: just 11 days left...
Don't ask me why or how this is happening -- it's complicated and not even Neims can explain it very well. Something about him doing a really good Kelis impression. No word yet as to whether he's allowed to bring any of his BFFs along (sup NP/BT!).
Caltech: making pong dates look super-classy
"Hilda" graduated from high school. "High school dudes are lame-o," she thought. "I can't wait to go to a college and meet sweet dudes."
This "Hilda" headed off to College, expecting to study normal things all little girls like to study: ponies, Sylvia Plath, and molecular-nanoastrophysics. She probably figured that, in the course of College (under her brother's watchful eye), she'd meet an interesting, serious, normal guy she could date. She went to Dartmouth and joined a sorority (a fun one, not Tri-Delt). And that's where things went wrong.
See, Dartmouth dating isn't like real-world dating. Its this: "Hey, just sit there until I finish up this last game" or "Wanna go up to my room and check out my stereo?" or "Wanna watch me get a 700 game?" or "My name is D__ D_______ and I bet we can drink two bottles of Andre before we get to Hotel Coolidge, right freshman date?"
This girl grows less impressed by fratantics as time goes by. "Maybe," she thinks, "if I went to a research University, I'd find men who were serious."
So, in search of serious men and the chance to study molecular-nano-astro-dino-physics, "Hilda" heads west, to CalTech. "Finally," she thinks, "I am free of overgrown high school dweebs who became boom-boom lodgers or popped collar neocons or faux-hipsters. I can date interesting, serious guys."
Unfortunately, things have gone seriously wrong again because she is now at CalTech. CalTech is ground-zero for "Beauty and the Geek" recruiting and home of "glomming," the latest dating trend.
You and all your friends will want to know what "glomming" is. The good people at Urban Dictionary describe the practice perfectly:
"At a dance, one can find several men dancing with one woman. They are glomming her. Or, one might find several men walking to class with one woman. These men are glomming."
If Urban Dictionary doesn't adequately describe the "tradition" of glomming, here's another breakdown:
" Shortly after arriving [at Caltech], I started hearing about the bizarre....phenomenon called glomming, which involves a man or a group of men stalking a woman, usually a first-year student. The glommer might follow the woman to class, wait for her afterward, sit at her cafeteria table, or enter her dorm room and refuse to leave. Some men are e-glommers who send tons of e-mails, or constantly 'finger' a woman's account to find out where she is logging in from....At the same time, some men have called women sluts while they were glommed, as if they 'asked for it.' Students who have objected to or reported glomming have been ostracized."
Yep, that's correct: the glommer's defense is "she was asking to be glommed."
So what becomes of a girl whose entire adult dating career revolves around Chi Gam dance parties, basements and glomming? Hilda will probably become an astronaut just to get away from us all.
This "Hilda" headed off to College, expecting to study normal things all little girls like to study: ponies, Sylvia Plath, and molecular-nanoastrophysics. She probably figured that, in the course of College (under her brother's watchful eye), she'd meet an interesting, serious, normal guy she could date. She went to Dartmouth and joined a sorority (a fun one, not Tri-Delt). And that's where things went wrong.
See, Dartmouth dating isn't like real-world dating. Its this: "Hey, just sit there until I finish up this last game" or "Wanna go up to my room and check out my stereo?" or "Wanna watch me get a 700 game?" or "My name is D__ D_______ and I bet we can drink two bottles of Andre before we get to Hotel Coolidge, right freshman date?"
This girl grows less impressed by fratantics as time goes by. "Maybe," she thinks, "if I went to a research University, I'd find men who were serious."
So, in search of serious men and the chance to study molecular-nano-astro-dino-physics, "Hilda" heads west, to CalTech. "Finally," she thinks, "I am free of overgrown high school dweebs who became boom-boom lodgers or popped collar neocons or faux-hipsters. I can date interesting, serious guys."
Unfortunately, things have gone seriously wrong again because she is now at CalTech. CalTech is ground-zero for "Beauty and the Geek" recruiting and home of "glomming," the latest dating trend.
You and all your friends will want to know what "glomming" is. The good people at Urban Dictionary describe the practice perfectly:
"At a dance, one can find several men dancing with one woman. They are glomming her. Or, one might find several men walking to class with one woman. These men are glomming."
If Urban Dictionary doesn't adequately describe the "tradition" of glomming, here's another breakdown:
" Shortly after arriving [at Caltech], I started hearing about the bizarre....phenomenon called glomming, which involves a man or a group of men stalking a woman, usually a first-year student. The glommer might follow the woman to class, wait for her afterward, sit at her cafeteria table, or enter her dorm room and refuse to leave. Some men are e-glommers who send tons of e-mails, or constantly 'finger' a woman's account to find out where she is logging in from....At the same time, some men have called women sluts while they were glommed, as if they 'asked for it.' Students who have objected to or reported glomming have been ostracized."
Yep, that's correct: the glommer's defense is "she was asking to be glommed."
So what becomes of a girl whose entire adult dating career revolves around Chi Gam dance parties, basements and glomming? Hilda will probably become an astronaut just to get away from us all.
Fwd: its you
Very funny BChristie
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: BChristie
Date: Tue, Mar 3, 2009 at 9:25 PM
Subject: its you
To: MLR
http://freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/03/03/recession-culture-and-bring-my-slippers-too/
itb
From: BChristie
Date: Tue, Mar 3, 2009 at 9:25 PM
Subject: its you
To: MLR
http://freakonomics.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/03/03/recession-culture-and-bring-my-slippers-too/
itb
