On Friday I had a chance encounter with a good Samaritan. I was in a hurry to catch a subway but my Metro Card wasn’t working so I was forced to wait on a long line to get a new one. Suddenly this stranger approached me and said, “Here, take mine. That line’s too long.” Reluctantly, I accepted his gift and to my surprise, it worked. It wasn't until later, in the hospital, that I learned the card had been coated in anthrax spores. Okay, maybe he wasn’t exactly a good Samaritan. But I did make that train.
It’s not that I dislike the Harry Potter movies; it’s just that the books are so bad that I don’t want to watch the movies in the first place.
You know when you’re flossing your teeth and you hear a small “popping noise” and then your entire mouth fills up with gallons of blood? Listen, I don’t like it when that happens either, but I think we can all finally agree that flossing, in general, should be discouraged.
A friend of mine was looking up directions on her new iPhone and said, “What did we do before Google Maps?” Honestly, if you really think about it: MapQuest.
If you find yourself getting swept out to sea by a powerful riptide, here are three steps you can take to increase your chances of survival: 1)Relax; 2)Call for help and try to get someone’s attention – like that of a friend, stranger or lifeguard; 3)Swim parallel to the shore. The last one, while the least intuitive, is also the most important because the riptide's actually a narrow band of water that's easy to swim out of but next to impossible to swim against. If these tips don’t work, flip onto your back to conserve energy, and try not to spill any more beer.
Hat Tip: TLinth
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