Isn’t it funny that when you’re drunk, sometimes, to get laughs, you say something so outrageous that it seems like you’re “really gay,” and even though you were just joking, and everyone knows you were just joking, the next day all your friends look at you like you weren’t joking? Guys, it was a joke! (I’m pretty sure I was just joking.)
The teacher in my humor class loves to say, “Juxtaposition is the cornerstone of comedy.” I don’t get it, because that never makes us laugh.
Alcohol is a lot like laughter. Both make you feel good, both are easy to find if you know where to look, and too much of either and you’ll wet your pants. Also, both are great for seducing children.
A lot of readers ask me if I worry about people coming to this site and stealing my material. I like to answer that question with a question: “Do you worry about people breaking into your home and stealing your laundry?” Because that happened to me, at my old apartment, on West 85th Street.
Here’s a tip: If you want to kick your Internet porn addiction, hang a picture of your family by the computer. Then, whenever you feel the urge to indulge your sordid desires, stare at that picture long and hard. You may want to look away, but trust me, don’t. After a few months, you’ll find that you don’t need that filth to masturbate. All you need is the family picture.
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8 comments:
Ugh. Being pictured on the internet next to Josh Pence = not what we want. That's like letting your girlfriend watch a Peter North porn video - she'll still say you're "big" (and "ropy"), but you know she dies a little inside each day she's stuck with your mediocrity (45th percentile really isn't as small as it sounds, ladies). Could we maybe get Block to Photoshop an ugly dude over Pence's beautiful mug? Then we could forget to give him credit for the artwork. Yeah!
Anyway - congrats on 200 awesome random thoughts. I just hope that this material that "better suits your sense of humor" doesn't stray too far from its latently homosexual, cringe inducing roots. Because, let's face it, semen and farts and things involving the butt are funny. And no one does these things better than scos.
Nice work Scos. RT was the closest thing we had to humor (or consistency)on AMDAL and I slow clap you for it.
AMDAL community - be on the lookout for some new changes - some visual, some formulaic, in the coming days / weeks.
And to reiterate (it means "say again" but with more syllables) - invite your goddamn friends. We know you have some that we don't know so it'd be nice to see fans that aren't already friends with Scos or me. If it requires 3 degrees, Kevin Bacon, or both to connect us to them, we're doing well.
Hi Mr. Bacon!
What's excellent about that picture is that it's not entirely apparent that it's Halloween and it kind of looks like Bbag is dressed like the Hamburglar on a regular Saturday night.
Anyway, cheers to new horizons, Scos. I'm eager to see what you have waiting in the wings. Thanks for all your inspiration (to not be as weird or perverted as you are).
Scott - replace "Ted Kennedy" with "Random Thoughts" in Makens' column below - RIP Random Thoughts - we'll miss you...
BTW - scos - why did you tone down your note from your original post?? given your co-editor's use of "motherfucker" a couple of posts back, and our collective love of the term "girth" - it seems a bit unnecessary and lame... what gives dude?
Appreciate the comments!
The reason I took the red pen to my original letter, was that I was tanked out of my gourd when I wrote it late last night. Like, border-line blacked out. But no, no one told me to change anything. I'm not against using profanity; I just didn't think the curses added that much here. Perhaps, I was fucking mistaken.
For you, I'll add the girth back in.
nice - thanks for adding that back... curses are like an inconsistent waiter - sometimes they bring something to the table, other times they dont...
Sad to see these go but I know they'll be replaced with something just as good. Well played, sir
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