SNL: Back in the Saddle (for one night, at least)

SNL was very funny last night. As has happened before, the show had a week off and then came back with a top-notch host, both of which seemed to charge up the talents of the cast. Jon Hamm has quickly entered the pantheon of outstanding SNL hosts. Everybody's favorite Mad Man returned to the brilliant heights of last year's episode (John Hamm's "john ham") and maybe broke new ground with fastest-reoccurring bizarre character in SNL history (watch the three clips in order).

Over/Under Rated: The Microsoft Surface

The value of this post is completely based on audience participation- please get involved :)

I'm pretty sure 90% of AMDAL rides the Apple train, but aside from my shuffle, PCs still have my heart and, in turn, my wallet. My PC life has yet to fail me*, but I've been a little ashamed of my PC love until recently. I demoed the touch screen computer's older, roid-ed out big brother: the Microsoft Surface and I'm feeling pretty okay about it now.

Why post about it? After the feedback on the iPad, it dawned on me that some of you might have seen, heard about or demoed a Surface & I can use your brilliance to help me decide if I/we (my Hospital, not AMDAL... yet) should buy a bunch of these for the Pediatric Emergency Departments' waiting rooms as our first "go" at implementing these into the patient experience. I am totally amped up about having little buggers be able to entertain themselves with these while their parental unit(s) is pre-occupied tending to their sibling.

My top 2 O/U points for your input after the jump- please send yours on over, comments are greatly appreciated!

*PC fail: The evil blue screen of death in 2003 that ate my senior thesis paper will never be forgotten



OverRated:-
1) The Surface's surface is not exactly Teflon tough. We would purchase the insurance so that we can have the top protective layer replaced as often as needed. I loved that it was very sensitive to every movement, but I wonder how long this will last with rug-rats banging on them and getting their grubby little cookie monster hands all over it. Thoughts?

2) Lack of software- there are no children-based education software programs developed yet. What do y'all think the time table on this is/ do you have any good company names you can send me that I can inquire about building something? We use Kidzpace products now & they go over well with parents, kids, child life specialists, etc. There are plenty of things for kids do do on the Surface (paint, card games, move pictures, write/type, etc) but nothing specifically built for the Surface yet.

UnderRated:
1) User interaction- They are just awesome! I don't know who has gotten to use these yet, but if you can do it immediately. The practicality of them for other areas of the Hospital is endless, but we also like to show everyone who visits that we're not just life savers- we're hip and technologically advanced too :) I demoed it for patient evaluations & consults- viewing 3D imaging results, pulling up records, and linking physical objects on the surface to the data stored inside [a la laying my ID on it to log in or placing a heart valve pump on the Surface & it would place it into the anatomical image of a heart on the screen. Everyone who has touched one is excited about the opportunities to improve the patient experience, especially in terms of understanding procedures before they have them, as well as post-surgical compliance & care.

2) Bang for your Buck- for $20,000 each (table, insurance plan, installation, etc), it's pretty cheap for all that it does and eventually will be able to do once there is software built. But, in the same light- does anyone think that these will go down in price within the next year like everything seems to with technology or is it going to stay pretty standardized for a bit until they can get into more markets/need to produce them at high quantities?


Thanks AMDAL tech support!

AMDAL Update: "Thoughts"

AMDAL-ers,

Much like our ever-changing interests, All My Deals Are Live itself occasionally tries to mix up its format. As we all know, comments can be exciting and we're glad people like to leave their thoughts (though Anon, you can kindly go fuck yourself - at least develop a semi-witty moniker or go leave comments with all the racist / gay-bashers on WWTDD or Perez).

Today, we've included a "Thoughts" section for all you who want to leave your mark without having to come up with something public and witty to say. Let us know in the comments here if you think any option is missing and we'll consider it.

Have fun and enjoy (like?) the puppy.

-The Editors

Friday Five

I wonder if Aladdin ever questions whether it was worth it. Jasmine is cute and everything, but she's a big complainer, her eyes are huge for her face, and she's probably not even hot naked (it's clear that only one outfit flatters her body type). I say use the Genie as a magical wingman and get crazy Agrabah tail.

I would be far better at recycling if tossing glass bottles down the trash chute wasn’t so damn satisfying.

As of recently, I have attempted to approach life as if I were training to be a motivational speaker. Since I’m new to the game, I’m still in the “do drugs, drink too much, and tear apart my family” stage. Relax siblings and parents, you’re slated to play the leading role in my best selling memoir.

I like to assign my own words to common acronyms. Little does my manager know that I will provide her with the work that she requested After Soliciting Asian Prostitutes.

I'm going to start a company that makes robin's egg blue boxes of all shapes and sizes. Valentine's Day just got a lot less expensive, Gentlemen. Be sure, however, to prepare yourself with rebuttals such as "Of course Tiffany makes oven mitts, you ungrateful bitch."

If you love the Jersey Shore...

Then you're gonna love this.

G-T-L, Baby!

Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps

The prison guard forgot to give Gordon his elbow pad. Burn-out is a bitch if he's got no money.

Random Thoughts

I got so wasted during the Jets-Colts AFC Championship game that I ended up drunk-texting Haiti like four or five times.

If I owned a restaurant in a progressive city, I’d make sure our customers knew how hard we worked to “go green”, i.e. not be wasteful. For example, in the lavatory I’d hang a sign that says, “All employees must wash hands, unless you go #1.”

I hate to say this, but some girls are just stupid. For instance, the other week I was at my friend’s ski house, and this group of girls in the hot tub invited me to join them. So I took off my shirt, dipped my toe in and said, “That’s really hot.” As soon as I did that, this one girl looks up, points directly at me and says, “Eww, you’ve got an Austin Powers thing going on!” An Austin Powers thing? One, I did not use a British accent. Two, I’m pretty sure Austin Powers said, “That really hurt,” not “That’s really hot.” And three, Eww? Who doesn’t like Austin Powers? Stupid girls – that’s who.

I think everyone should have at least one friend who will always go out and party no matter what. Otherwise, I would have fewer friends.

Isn’t it funny that when we stumble upon a random article of clothing at the Laundromat, like a pair of panties or whatever, our first inclination is to pick it up and smell it – as if that’s gonna tell us who the owner is!

Apple iPad: Unwieldy iPod Touch? 2nd Tier eBook Reader? Both?

I hate to crap in the punchbowl but I'm somewhat of a techie dude and an Apple fanboy and, so far, I'm a bit disappointed in what I've seen from Apple's brand new iPad. I own a laptop and it's great for helping me work. I own an iPhone and it's the best mobile device around. I own a Kindle and it has truly reignited my love of reading.

So, what the heck am I going to do with an iPad?

Maybe I'm not the target market. Maybe, if you own all three of these devices, you'd be foolish to dole out $700+ for an iPad. And yes, I know that the device starts at $499 but, seriously, if this is truly going to change the way you listen to music, do work, watch TV shows and movies, etc. you're going to need at least 64GB. Heck, I have 32GB+ of music alone!

So, again, maybe Apple isn't going after me and my money. But, even if you only have two of the three devices, would you seriously consider buying an iPad?

Let's assume that everyone who gives a flying fig about the iPad in the first place owns a laptop that they consider serviceable. I think that's fair. That leaves three scenarios: a laptop owner who also owns an iPhone (but no Kindle), a laptop owner who also owns a Kindle (but no iPhone) and a laptop owner with neither an iPhone nor a Kindle.

Scenario 1: Laptop + iPhone. My guess is that if you own a laptop and an iPhone, you aren't going to spring for a device that ads the functionality of an eBook reader and little else. Anyone who has ever used a Kindle knows that the advantage of the device isn't the capacity to hold thousands of books or the ability to download books and articles on demand; the advantage is the opaque screen/e-ink system that makes reading just as easy on your eyes as reading actual ink on paper. It might even be easier! Couple that with the fact that Amazon eBooks are cheaper than all other books ("e" or not) and the Kindle will pay itself off in a year for an avid reader; Apple plans to charge around $15/book for a smaller selection of books. I hate reading off of my monitor, I hate reading off of my laptop and I'll bet dollars to doughnuts that I'd hate reading off of yet another backlit device like the iPad.

Here's an idea, Apple: either make a device that can somehow transition from a backlit screen to an opaque screen seamlessly or stop calling the device "magical." Yes, I know that that would be a tall order but a tall order is what you expect when your spokespeople refer to a single device as "magical" more than three times in a single presentation!

Scenario 2: Laptop + Kindle. Now, let's say you own a laptop and a Kindle (or similar device) but no iPhone. Well, perhaps the iPad is for you, right? Umm... wrong. Considering the size of the iPad, it's not going into your pocket. Considering the price of the iPad, you're not just going to tuck it under your arm; you're going to need a messenger bag. So, if I need a messenger bag and I've already got my laptop and Kindle in my messenger bag, there's no reason add an iPad to the mix.

To be honest, it would just make more sense to purchase a cheaper, 85% as functional iPhone at this point or just be satisfied with whatever functionality my current phone/smart phone brings to the table. Keep in mind, the iPad cannot make calls. If you are a real genius and know how to jailbreak your iPad and use a sweet combination of Google Voice and Skype, you could probably fix that but, for most normal folks, the iPad is just a big iPod touch, not a big iPhone.

Scenario 3: Laptop only. Even given a $599 price point for the non-3G, 32GB model of the iPad, I could literally go buy a $299 32GB iPhone 3GS and a $259 Kindle and have $41 left over to take my girlfriend to go see Avatar in 3D. To boot, I'd have a better, truly mobile device and a better, e-ink-based eBook reader. Assuming I own pockets and a bag for my laptop. I've sacrificed nothing in terms of convenience.

The only thing I've ignored so far is gaming, which, apparently, some crazy people would plan on doing with their iPad. Most gamers would probably agree that this is a joke. Also, if I saw a guy holding his iPad at "ten and two" with his arms outstretched, twisting at the shoulders as if he were driving a Formula 1 car through a series of chicanes, I would walk up and slap the device onto the ground out of principle. Really? You're going to use a $700+ piece of equipment as a virtual steering wheel in public? That's just unacceptable. Wait until you get home and play Xbox like an adult!

I love Apple. It's up there with my favorite brands: Google, Pixar, Alberton's Generic Oatmeal, etc. I'm loyal to them because they almost always get it right. I still hope that I'm proven wrong about the iPad, however, unless I'm missing something big, it looks like it's poised to be the biggest flop since the last Apple tablet: the Newton. The only way I could imagine someone justifying purchasing this thing is because it's worth the price to them as a status symbol alone. If that happens and the iPad succeeds, the good news will be that the recession is officially over and Americans are ready to start irresponsibly burning cash again!

[See a review of Apple's presentation at Engadget]

[Edit: Additional, damning review from Gizmodo]

Posted via email from Michael Block's Website

Upcoming NYC Charity Events

This post is a little self-call, a little call-out, and a little bit of sales pitch but it's all about doing good right here in NYC. With all the generosity surrounding the Haiti earthquake, I can't help but think, "Why aren't people more involved in their local communities too?" I hope everyone did lend the support they could to the relief efforts in Haiti- it is important to be part of the global community. But when individuals in our own local communities need help, such as adorable little kids, we shouldn't say "oh, well maybe next year..." and turn our backs on their little puppy-dog eyes and sad faces.

I pose to our faithful and fraternal AMDAL following three questions:
1) What are you doing on Feb. 26th?
2) What are you doing on March 3rd?
3) Do you think you can out fundraise the AOG? If so, I'm offering up tangible rewards as a "thank you" for pitching in right here in NYC.



Answer #1 - Feb. 26

Attending the 6th Annual GOTO Black Tie Gala at Capitale. From 9 pm - 1 am, you will be teleported back to the Roaring 20's for a jazzed up good time full of reblerousers, casino games, silent auction, and around 600 of NYC's hottest young philanthropists. Tickets and info on this year's Gala here, and use the code "AMDAL" at check out to get $15 off each ticket. You're welcome.

Info on GOTO (which is in NYC & Boston, soon to be in LA) here, but the short & sweet in bullets:
- Started in 2001 with $3,000 of my friend's bonus check, he sent one kid to camp. We all thought it was awesome, donated our own cash the next year and so GOTO grew- last year we crossed the $1,000,000 mark in fundraising, solely with friends' donations and event ticket sales.
- We have funded over 250 summer arts camp experiences for kids in NYC and Boston, who are all in 6th, 7th & 8th grade. Due to budget cuts for arts programing in schools, GOTO has filled the gap allowing talented kids to pursue their dreams and passions
- Our mentoring program follows our scholars through high school and college. Our first class of kids were all accepted to their top choice schools & many with scholarships. Our second class is applying now and have been granted interviews at several top 20 schools
- Our volunteers get experience in areas outside of their 9-5 jobs and have a fun time! If you're planning to go to grad school- get on the community service horse, asap.

Also exciting is that you will get to enjoy one of my famous, overly excited GOTO Presidential thank you speeches and see ARod looking very dapper in his tux :) What more could you want?!


Answer #2 - March 3

2 years ago (pre-dating ARod, but we knew each other and were doing the awkward "I like you" dance that our Athletic Supporters soccer team is so good at), my friend Clara convinced me to be in a date auction. It was for a good cause, so I gathered a few friends (male & female) to be auctioned off as well and we just went with it. While I expected a couple bids, I did not in any way, shape or form expect that a date with me would sell for a cool G, as in $1,000 USD.

Now that I'm no longer auctionable, I challenge the readers of AMDAL to put themselves up on the block to help local kiddos out. Partnership with Children is a not-for-profit organization that provides emotional and social support to at-risk children so that they can succeed in school, in society and in their lives. We help children and young people in need, their families and their schools through our school-based Open Heart - Open Mind and Life Steps programs as well as through our Center for Capacity Building. We provide intervention and preventative services, counseling and leadership development. Founded in 1908 as Big Sisters, we have served the New York City community for 100 years.

Want to be auctioned? Fill out this survey and someone will get in touch with you. It's actually really fun, you get to plan a cool date to take someone on, and the more friends you get to be auctioned with you and/or attend the event, the more fun you will have!

Answer #3 - tangible goodies

Reward(s) will be your choice/or combo of goodies, sports tickets, gift certificates to eat at top restaurants, a night out on the town in NYC a la Marquee/M2/1Oak, etc- we'll figure it out when the time arises

How to win my little contest of "Who done did the best do good-ing?":
- Bring the biggest crew to the GOTO Gala
- Donate some sweet stuff to the GOTO silent auction (email info@thegotogroup.org w/ donation deets)
- Get the highest AMDAL reader/writer bid at the date auction

Yes, there can be multiple winners (one in each category) and the prizes will be good. Thanks for supporting those who need it! See y'all at the Makens events in early Feb!

Snappy Answers To Stupid Questions

I don’t like getting haircuts. I think this stems from the fact that my hair is “difficult,” which is the word most barbers use when my cowlicks break their scissors. The other word they use is “strange,” as in “that’s strange, your hair just made my Barbicide fizz.”

If I don’t put a hat on immediately after a shower, my hair puffs up and I look like Kevin Arnold from an early season of The Wonder Years. If I foolishly throw some product on there, my hair gets all kinds of pissed off. It basically views this as an act of war and struggles mightily to break itself free from the synthetic mold. An hour later my forehead and ears are usually covered in sweaty paste; whatever residue remains atop looks like something a seagull left behind.

Surprisingly, since moving to NYC, I’ve only had two harrowing haircut experiences. The first one happened in December 2004 when I made the mistake of going to a NYC Dramatics. I had never been to a glamour salon before but a friend had recommended the place because it was “chill and not that expensive.” He was wrong. When I walked in I was pretty sure I had accidentally entered a night club. It had loud techno music, strobe lights and old kung fu movies playing on several LCD screens. For whatever reason, all the stylists had eccentric aliases such as Emerald, Turbo and Raven. I had the good fortune of “working with” Sparkle.

Sparkle was a flamboyantly gay 5-foot nothing Filipino who harbored a deep phobia of hair that looked exactly like mine. “Oh my god,” he said when I sat in his chair. “What do you want me to do with… this?” After several minutes of doing laps around me, Sparkle finally took out his haircutting paraphernalia. I could tell he was uncomfortable: with every reluctant swipe of the clippers, he made a face like someone had just farted directly into his mouth. He’d then look at his clippers the same way someone looks at a vacuum cleaner when it rolls over a bunch of pennies. Oh my God, did I just break it?

(Does Matthew Fox go to NYC Dramatics? I have no idea. But he keeps his hair short and simple - something I should probably think about doing. Also, the final season of Lost premieres next Tuesday. Makens, where are we watching it?)

Halfway through our little picnic, Sparkle laid down the clippers, wiped the sweat from his brow and gave up. He spun the swivel chair around, looked (up) at me and said, “I am sorry, but I cannot do this.” Instead of letting his replacement, an androgynous giant named Genesis, finish, I simply walked out of the place without paying the exorbitant $35. The next day I found a new barbershop, a place called Esquires which was located a few blocks west of my office on Wall Street. Robert, my new barber, was happy to clean up the mess left by the Filipino – and he only charged me $10. George would be my guy for the next five years.

(If you work in the financial district, check out Esquires. The prices are reasonable and the hot towel in the face is something else. Ask for Robert. He's a good guy.)

My second harrowing haircut experience occurred years later in December 2009. I no longer worked at Beutsche Dank and needed to find a haircut place on the upper west side. Coincidentally, I found a barbershop adjacent to another NYC Dramatics. I should have known this was a bad omen. My barber, a nameless tan fellow from Uzbekistan, did not speak English so good. “What you want?” he asked. “Just a trim,” I replied. “Nothing too short.” He nodded, grabbed his clippers and with one swift uppercut, took a huge chunk off the right side of my melon. Noticing my expression of abject horror, he said, “Oh. Is that too short?” Stunned, I shook my head and said, “Hey, let’s take it easy there, chief.”

(Just imagine Sagat from Street Fighter II Turbo with a pair of clippers in his hands, delivering devastating Tiger Uppercuts to my dome.)

Only later did I realize that we had both blown it: he, with his haircut and I, with my chance to play everyone’s favorite Snappy Answers To Stupid Questions!

Oh. Is that too short?

1. No, unless you were expecting a tip.
2. Yes. Gesundheit.
3. No, not at all. My scalp normally bleeds when I get my hair cut.
4. I’m not sure. Did I say “Just a trim,” or “Butcher beyond recognition”?
5. ...........................................................................................................................................

Jam of the Week: KiD CuDi - "cudderisback"

More of a snippet than a full jam but I find this CuDi video (which is totally budget) pretty hilarious and highly re-watchable (Weed smoking? Check. Funny dancing? Check. Scatological references? Check). Plus the song is good. Not even sure what he's putting out this song for (new album? mixtape?) but whatever it is, I hope it comes out soon. Until then, breathe it in above.

Runners up after the break

Runners up:

N.A.S.A. feat. Kool Kojak & DJ Babão - O Pato

NSFW (esp at the end) but if you minimize, it's a good song.

The xx - VCR

Requisite hipster video. Bonus Yeah Yeah Yeah's "Skeletons" video here.

Ludacris - How Low

The consumate guilty pleasure, Luda always seems to make entertaining videos and catchy songs. This one doesn't disappoint.
Update: Video fixed but in the process of finding the video, I found this fan video - please file under "CLASSIC"

Old School JOTW: Dr. Dre ft. Snoop Dogg, Kurupt, Nate Dogg - "The Next Episode"

Speaking of weed smokers...

Ask Google

Happy Wednesday. No doubt many of you have seen the "Google suggest" meme popping up all across the 'tubes, resulting in amateurish, awkward images everywhere. For those of you who want to make slightly slicker pics, try this site. You'd be amazed at how the kids are using the googles these days. Some suggested topics: Tiger Woods vs. Phil Mickelson, Americans vs. Europeans, high school students vs. college students.

Phoenix liveblog: from jordies camera

Her Hair is So Big Because It's Full of Secrets

So, yesterday, I’m sitting at work bored to tears when out of the blue, my friend saves me by sending over an article that encapsulates the greatest bit of female fashion bitchery this side of Regina George from Mean Girls. (Gretchen Weiners: Two years ago she told me hoops earrings were *her* thing and I wasn't allowed to wear them anymore. And then for Hanukkah my parents got this pair of really expensive white gold hoops and I had to pretend like I didn't even like them and... it was so sad.) Having never been part of a sorority, this article – in which the president of Cornell’s Pi Phi dictates what girls who are rushing should and should not wear to events - both horrified and amused me in equal parts.

I’ll save you the pain of having to read the SEVEN pages of dos and don’ts by including some of my favorite highlights below:

Clothing:
-No satin dresses. No one looks good in satin dresses unless it’s from Betsey Johnson or Dolce & Gabbana, you weigh less than 130 pounds, have three pairs of Spanx on and it’s New Years Eve.

Makeup:
-No sultry eye makeup. It’s noon people. And these are girls, not laxers. No need to seduce them with caked on black eye makeup. (Ed Note: Can any laxers out there attest to whether or not “caked on black eye makeup” is an effective form of seduction? Maybe at Cornell?)
-No mustaches. (Ed Note: I think that one should probably be a given.)

I know that many of our readers out there lived through a period of time where they had a sorority sister or fraternity brother dictating their every move, so maybe this doesn’t seem as absurd to everyone else as it does to me. Or maybe it does. Whichever side of the fence you land on, I think there is one thing we can all agree on. That AMDAL is deeply lacking an over the top sorority style code of conduct! Don’t worry fair readers – I’m here to take care of that! I channeled my best Regina George to create these rules, and if you follow them, you’ll, like, TOTES be inducted into the circle of trust.

Take Good LiveBlogs:
No members of Alpha Beta AMDAL want to see pictures of you “having an awesome time” unless it’s at the hottest party in town. Don’t even THINK about posting a LiveBlog taken anywhere other than Marquis or Mansion. Super double bonus points if you’re sharing a bottle with a Jersey Shore cast member. Chapter President MLR will make you do a quick six if you even think about posting some lame-o pictures of you and your “bros” at a house party or something.

Keep Good Company:
Imagine this: You’re at a party and you want to talk to this super hot chick you met in the juice line in the cafeteria. And then this NERD from your history class (who has glasses… and a ponytail!) swoops in and starts talking to you about like, Thomas Hancock or whatever. Then, the hot girl will think you’re a nerd by association. The lesson here? We can only be as cool as the blogs to which we link. So stay away from nerdy shizz like CNN or whatever. More Twilight, less politics!

Wear Good Outfits:
When reading AMDAL from the comfort of your office desk, it’s really super important that you do it in style. I’m like, legit serious when I say everyone needs to be wearing (at least!) one carat diamond studs and skinny Seven jeans. Men, women, children, puppies. No exceptions. And none of that Patagonia stuff. I mean, I heard it’s made from like recycled bottles or something. EW CITY! The same goes for flannel. And bad facial hair (Unless it’s Movember. See: Do Good Charity Work). If you’re having any doubts in the morning, look at yourself in the mirror and repeat this mantra: This is not a blog for mountain men.

Make Good Comments:
So, one time this girl Krystal Adams told everyone that my formal dress looked like something a blind fifth grader made out of cotton candy. Like, LITERALLY everyone. Except me. But I still found out it was her, because my super loyal BFF Tracy Jones told me (Hi Tracy! LOLZZZZZ). And then I was double mad because she insulted my dress and talked about me behind my back. Let this story be a lesson to you if you’re ever thinking about making bitchy anonymous comments on this blog. Sure, you might not agree with my fashion choices, but like, be man enough to admit to my face that you don’t think the velvet-tulle combo is working out.

Do Good Charity Work: Once, somebody told me about this Rockerfeller guy (I think it was that same nerdy girl from History class that I was talking about before). Apparently, he, like, was really rich and stuff, but he had a bad rep for putting all these sucky little oil refineries out of business. So, when he wanted people to start liking him again, he started giving away tons of money to charities and poor people and stuff, and it totally worked! So, don’t worry if you accidentally flashed the whole lacrosse team your undies in the middle of a freak windstorm or peed in some girl’s bed and she told all her friends about it. You can make them forget about these indiscretions by doing nice stuff for other people! Note: This strategy is especially effective if you do it in public so everyone can see you!

Listen to Good Jams: Pretending to know a lot about music is a great way to start conversations with people at cocktail parties and mixers, and a ginormous part of being an Alpha Beta AMDAL is being able to present yourself well in public. Even if your iPod is full of Journey and Taylor Swift (I mean, not like I don’t totes get the chills every time I hear that Romeo and Juliet song, it’s just that nobody wants to hear about it), all the information you need to talk about really cool rap and hipster music is right at your fingertips in MLR’s Jam of the Week post. Who knows – impressing someone with a thrilling debate about the merits of Gucci Mane vs. Little Wayne might just snag you a last minute date to formal.

Eat Good Food: And lastly, everyone knows having a hot bod is a super important part of being a blogger. Nobody wants to see your muffin tops jiggle when you type. So stick with CCL’s healthy recipes for dinner. And then the rest of the time, don’t eat anything – and every time you feel like you’re going to faint, eat a cube of cheese.

Remix to Fried Chicken

(HT to R. Kelly)

Now,um,usually I dont do this but uh....
Go head' on and break ‘em off wit a lil' preview of the remix....

No I'm not tryin to be rude,
But hey muffin top I'm seein’ you
The way you eat oily gassy food
Remind me of my Lexus coupe
That’s why you need to use yo grill
Tryina lower yur fast food bill
You must be a big fat joke
S'here's how you got to make yo meal

So baby gimme that shake shake
Lemme give you that bake bake
Runnin those breasts through the sauce
Eat’em with mustard sauce
While they say on the radio...

It's the remix to fried chicken
Hot and fresh out the kitchen
Mama rollin that body
Got every man in here wishin
I was cookin his bird
I’m like so what I’m drunk
It's the freakin chicken baby
Health food can be so much fun

Bake Bake Bake Bake Bake
Bake Bake
Bake Bake Bake…

Fried Chicken (the healthier remix)
Makes 2 medium servings

Chicken
3 Chicken skinless breasts
1 cup fat free plain Greek yogurt
3 slices wheat bread
Salt and pepper
Garlic powder
Pam

Sauce- Stir together the below ingredients while chicken is baking
1/2 cup fat free plain Greek yogurt
2 tablespoons grey poupon Dijon mustard
3 teaspoons honey

The night or morning before...
- Slice chicken breast up into thirds - so each piece is about 2 inches wide
- Put chicken in plastic bag with about a cup of the yogurt, let marinate (between 2-24 hours)

That night
-Preheat oven to 350 degrees
-Line pan with tin foil and spray with PAM
-Toast bread
-Put bread in blender/cuisinart and add 3 teaspoons salt and 1 teaspoon pepper, 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder blend until you have made fine breadcrumbs. Put bread crumb/spice mixture in a big plastic ziplock bag
-Take chicken out of other bag with yogurt and pat dry with paper towels to get rid of excess yogurt
-Put chicken in plastic bag with crumbs and shake until chicken is all coated
-Put on tinfoil covered pan and bake for 15 minutes or until chicken is cooked through
-Serve with mustard dipping sauce

Oh Joy of Joys- They're Back!

I don't know if anyone else was as gleefully obsessed with the Shiba Inu puppy cam as I was in 2008, but they've had another liter and they're back on the air! Or is it "back on the web?" Future- what's the proper webcam livefeed lingo?

Back to the puppies: They were born on the 16th, so they're not very active right now, but oh, you just wait!

There is nothing that can make your day instantly better then little puppies romping around... And get this- you have access to these puppies

ALL

DAY

LONG

Here's the Wiki page on the hysteria the 2008 puppies caused.

Daily Show Slams... Olby?

For those of you who love Keith Olbermann like WOHJR loves Glenn Beck, this is pretty enjoyable. It's nice to see Jon Stewart and his staff go after the left-wing ranters once and a while. And thank goodness he called Olby out on his vicious attack of conservative columnist Michelle Malkin.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Special Comment - Keith Olbermann's Name-Calling
www.thedailyshow.com
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Keith's response: "It was a little bit of a ripoff of the Affleck thing, but overall, I'd give it a B-."

Happy Friday.

Friday Five

You’re not a product of my generation if you and your buddies have never considered starting a funny t-shirt company.

If you’re trying to get laid by bragging about your status as a blogger, I suggest using the term “pro bono freelance writer.” By the time she cuts through the bullshit, you’ll be locked in love’s sweet embrace.

Since I frequently lose my house keys, I’ve attached a tag to every set with my home address. That way, if someone finds them, they can simply slip them through my mail slot.

Sometimes, I embellish personal details in order to make my pro bono freelance writing submissions more humorous. For example, tiny apartments in the ghetto do not have mail slots.

It’s hard to dampen the negative emotions that come with being of short stature. Not even “at least I’m the most comfortable on long car trips” seems to help; it’s probably because I’m always forced to sit bitch.

Hot Tub Time Machine: Red Band Trailer (Very NSFW)

Don't watch this at work (boobies) but make sure you do watch it asap (see what I said earlier re: boobies).

Chicks dig the long ball

Helping Haiti + Hot Charity Babes = Everybody Wins

Dear AMDAL Readers,

I come to you today with a request, and I can promise you that if you follow me to the promise land I'm about to unveil, it will end - as Michael Scott would say - in a win-win-WIN situation.

One Saturday a month, I volunteer at an awesome organization called the Lower East Side Girls Club, which focuses on helping low-income NYC girls prepare for college, gain exposure to cultural events, find mentors who will help them realize their potential, learn entrepreneurial skills, etc. Learn more here.

Now for the fun part. On Mardi Gras (Tuesday, February 16th), we're hosting an event to benefit the Girls Club and also Haitian relief efforts. It is awesome for 3 reasons:

Win #1) With your $22 advance ticket, you'll be simultaneously helping girls from NYC become more empowered while also helping those affected by the earthquake in Haiti.

Win #2) You will do this while meeting hot charity babes. As a majority of the volunteers for the organization are female, this guarantees a high female - male ratio. Scos, I'm looking at you.

Win #3) Whilst romancing a hot do-gooder, you will be enjoying a free open bar from 7-8, the authentic New Orleans band "The Loose Marbles" and NYC’s Hungry March Band.

So let me recap this for you. Philanthropy + Hot Chicks + Awesome entertainment = Win win win.

Tickets are available at: http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/95818

If you have any questions, please leave them in the comments and I'll do my best to answer them. Hope to see you all there! I think this could be a good opportunity for an AMDAL NYC contributors face-to-face meet up.

Submitted with a cheer! - Cindy McCain step out against Prop 8

Click here for the Huffington Post article.

Google WILL Take Over Your Digital Life

100% of our wonderful amdal readers are affected by Google everyday. Although this may sound like one of those non-profit charity commercials on TV, its totally true. I probably enter the Google Universe more than others, but I bet all of you have used Google for searching, looking up an address, finding an image, or even creating a spreadsheet. The latest from the big G is huge - Google Documents now supports uploading ANY file. This means you can backup your entire documents folder on your computer into the cloud - and access them anywhere. Let me show you what I'm talking about…

In the past, Google Documents was really only good for creating word/excel-ish documents for sharing purposes. Even when it launched, I still found myself using Word and Excel for everything, and emailing them individually for sharing. The beauty of Google Docs is you can have ONE version of a document, and have it shared among a group of people. Very useful, but still not enough to get me hooked.


Now that Google's opened up their upload feature to all file types, you can literally replicate your files. There is a cap - 250mb - so you can't upload full movies or gigantically large powerpoint presentations, but 250mb should cover almost all of your documents. Since I purchased the 200GB of Google storage (with the free Eye-Fi memory card… remember), I have a ton of space to backup my documents/music/pictures. Your gmail account should already have around 7GB of Google storage to get you started, but if you want to do what I did, you can go here to buy more space.

Why is this a big deal? Well, recently my external hard drive failed. Not sure what happened exactly, but it was terrible. I was transferring my pictures/documents/music/movies from one computer to another, but didn't stop to think that once I transferred and deleted the original files, the only place they existed was on my external drive. When that crashed, I thought I lost everything (luckily for me, I'm a nerd and figured out how to get it back) - but the main takeaway was that I need to get my documents backed up in the cloud. Google's storage is secure and safe - everything is replicated so you don't have to worry about losing anything due to hardware breaking. Now that Google Docs has the ability to upload all my files, I'm going all-in, and I really suggest you do the same.

Note: I've mentioned Dropbox before, and I still think Dropbox is a great companion to having your files within Google storage. Since Dropbox syncs a folder on your computer (allowing you to access your files when offline), I would still use Dropbox for the files you access most often. Dropbox's free 2GB of storage should be enough to cover you. For everything else - get it off your risky hard drive and into the cloud!

Random Thoughts

Who would have thought that exactly one year into the Obama Presidency, an unknown Republican – and former nude centerfold – would win Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat of 47 years? Something tells me this is not the change Obama had hoped to bring about. Heck of a job, Brownie!

One day, I hope the PC turns to the Mac and says, “I’m sorry, but you’re very condescending.”

The other night I had one of those moments where you suddenly realize, Man, I can’t even remember the last time I saw a real vagina.

When people use the word “basically” more than once when explaining something, it basically means they don’t know what they’re talking about.

I often get disapproving looks when I brown bag it on the train. Whenever it happens, I respond with a facial expression that essentially says, Who are you to judge me on my way to work?

Cleavage & Abs: Crunching The Numbers On Profile Pics

In a study done by some Harvard alums with the online dating startup OKCupid, the following was "learned" about males and females via who performed better (got more responses) based on different factors:

1) Guys like eye contact and flirty faces
2) Girls like guys to show off muscles (if they have them)
3) Guys like cleavage and they continue to like it with age
4) More substantive conversations come from pictures with more interesting stuff
4) Older women are shy about showing their bodies

OK duh. Continue reading to see the actual surprising conclusions...

But seriously, there are some stumpers like:

1) Men do worse if they smile at the camera (see graph below)
2) Women lose interest in abs as they (and men) age
3) Crappily taken self-pics do better than professional ones
4) Showing only a close-up face shot doesn't affect your chance of success

No fucking smiling!

If you've been using dating services with little or no luck, you're a nerd like me and love data, or you just love boobs and/or abs, then check out their findings here.
Other factors such as "Does it help if you run a blog?" and "What if you're unemployed?" were not analyzed.

Jam of the Week: M.I.A. - "There's A Space For Ol Dat I See"

You may remember artist M.I.A. for her "Paper Planes" song, which was good on it's own and then got blown up with 600 remixes. She also shares a similar background and some phenotypic traits as our favorite Sri Lankan. This song doesn't have the requisite gun clack noises that makes for choice sampling, so don't expect to see snippets of this anywhere else. Mom always told me to savor the moment anyways.

More jams after the jump...

Runners up:

Diddy (Feat. Rick Ross) - "Dirty Money (Angels Remix)"

OK, yes this is Diddy, yes he's autotune singing and yes, he's replaced the irreplaceable B.I.G. with Rick "Boss" Ross. What can I say, it's been a slow few weeks. Still, the song is catchy enough and funny enough (watch the camera swoop up and then back in close to Diddy as he belts out the hook) to warrant a spot. Plus, it lets me lead in to the classic OSJOTW below. Just you wait.

Big Sean - "A Million Dollars"

Big Sean was a featured artist on the last JOTW and he's back this week as a runner up. I like that Sean seems to be getting bigger and bigger budgets for his videos, which means that when he does finally release a full album, it'll (hopefully) be strongly backed by his record label, GOOD Music (of Kanye West fame). This one doesn't knock my socks off but it does have old people in row boats, which might be a first for any rap video.

Old School Jam Of The Week:
The Notorious B.I.G. - "Big Poppa"

Told you it was worth it. Bonus jams here, here and here if you can't get your Biggy fill*.

*Yup, that's a fat joke. Too soon?

A Plea For Haiti

The AMDAL writers cover a wide range of topics, all of which we try to report on with a degree of levity. There's not a lot of jokes to be made about Haiti. So while Conan fights NBC, The Golden Globes show off beautiful people and nerds await the latest Apple announcement, real shit is going on that makes us feel small and stupid for even attempting to do our part via a blog of ~1000 followers.

Dartmouth has helped more than any other university, Anderson Cooper is scooping up bloodied kids, and George W. Bush is imploring people to "Just Send Cash"

Block mentioned a few days ago a good program to which you can donate and there are no shortage of others. I'm not looking for comments offering sympathy or bickering over which program to donate is best. Just do what you can. Now.



A note about the title picture above: In looking for an appropriate picture from NYTimes' photo gallery, I wanted to find something that would compel AMDAL'ers without tear-jerking. The picture above is of French rescue workers reacting to the death of someone they had rescued and it speaks to the helplessness I feel right now.

Chicken Sate with Peanut Sauce

It's hard to say how some foods came to be. Take fois grois for example, who was the first asshole who thought to himself, "Hmm I wonder what will happen if I shove a tube into this duck and force feed it until it's liver is completely diseased and fattened?... it's going to be delicious!" Or who was the brave soul who decided, “Let's take this bacteria laden milk, let it sit in our counter for a few days and then I’ll add some berries to it” - voilà you've got mixed berry yogurt.

Other things are a bit more intuitive, like food on a stick. Some cavewoman was obviously grilling up some mammoth when she couldn't find a flat stone to heat over the fire and realized she could just put the meat on a stick. The rest is history: a history filled with awesome things served on sticks.

While I abstain from eating corn dogs I do love a good toasted marshmallow, popsicle, lollipop and of course, the timeless meat skewer. So in honor of this historically tried and true way of cooking, I present you with my rendition of chicken sate...

Chicken Skewers with Homemade Peanut Sauce
Makes 3 big servings

Sauce
-1/3 cup-creamy peanut butter (I like skippy natural)
-1 and 1/3 tablespoon soy sauce (low sodium is preferable)
-2 tablespoons water
-3 teaspoons honey
-1 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes (from spice section) - use more or less depending on your spice tolerance
-1/3 cup light coconut milk (comes in a can, found in international section)

Skewer
-2 cups butternut squash- cubed
-1 red bell pepper - chopped into big squares
-1 purple onion - chopped into squares
-2 large chicken breasts cubed
-Wooden skewers
- Pam

-Preheat oven to 300
-Make sauce by mixing all sauce ingredients together in a bowl. Add crushed red pepper flakes at the end - stirring and tasting to make sure it's not too spicy for you!
-Line large baking pan with tinfoil and spray with Pam
-Put cubed squash in oven on the pan.
-After 12 minutes of baking the squash throw in the onions
-Bake for another 5 minutes and take out onions and squash
-Assemble skewers using peppers, chicken, onion and butternut squash
-Brush peanut sauce all over skewers and sprinkle lightly with salt (leaving about a 1/3 cup of sauce in the bowl.
- Bake skewers for 10 minutes or until chicken is cooked through
-Serve skewers with the extra peanut sauce for dipping

Enjoy! This sauce is delicious and would also be great for dipping beef or tofu or as a sauce on soba noodles.

Who's this guy?

Friday Five

Given the power of assumption, “Drug Free Zone” signs only make sense in Amsterdam.

I’m thinking about writing a novel. The protagonist is young guy who recently graduated from college. He hates his job, but can’t figure out what he wants to do with his life. What he lacks in gumption he makes up for in lethargy, and is bound by delusion to near terminal inertia.
I’m thinking of writing an autobiography.

One of my iGoogle widgets is a window that provides two “How to of the Day” articles. Although I chose to include this option for the sake of edifying tips and hobby suggestions, the articles, selected at random, have provided boundless entertainment. The two pieces this Monday, for example, were:
“How to Deal with a Difficult Mother in Law”
“How to Make Jello Shots”

I want a Rosetta Stone CD that teaches me how to convincingly make fun of people with foreign accents.

When I first heard the term “oral sex,” I thought that it meant talking dirty over the telephone. If you’d prefer to cling to your initial impression of my adorable innocence, don’t ask me what I thought that “phone sex” meant.

Ho In One

I couldn't think of a catchy title for this post, sorry. Fun little game found here if you get some downtime at the office. Despite the simple-graphics, the makers of this game kept the true je ne sais quoi of Tiger in this media scandal based game- if you hit one of the ladies, Tiger gives you a fist pump.

Hat tip due to Skankyface for sending this one over all the way from Wisconsin.

Vicarious liveblog: FNL Night @Professor Thoms

The picture is a bit grainy but what's going on here is our loyal
reader and friend Meredith R. has found the ultimate Friday Night
Lights viewing station in NYC.

If any FNL fans can't watch because they don't have DirecTV, go to
Professor Thoms Wed night and enjoy. Tell them AMDAL sent you.

Submission for the Wookies

Random Thoughts

One of my bigger pet peeves on the Internet is when people use a lowercase "i" to refer to themselves in the first-person. is it really that difficult to press the shift key every once and a while?

The T9 function on my cell phone burned me the other weekend. I was trying to impress this cute girl but I ended up telling her: “Lets meet in an hour after I finish a big log.”

I don’t have a problem with a dad kissing his kid in public – unless, of course, it’s an open-mouth kiss. That kinda stuff should stay in the bedroom.

I’ve learned that when someone uses the word “plethora” in casual conversation, it usually means I want to punch him in the chest. Like, an overabundance of times.

Believe it or not, the hardest part of business school applications is not the multitude of long-winded essays you have to write. The hardest part is this one question that asks you to list all the academic honors and awards you received in college. What the heck are you supposed to put in that big empty box?

Submission for the Men: Blake Lively

Source: Esquire

Submission For The Ladies: Jon Hamm

Source: Dobbins

Helping Out the Haitians

I wanted to get serious for just a moment and address the Haitian earthquake situation. Many people feel the need to help and, for the most part, that’s fantastic. I just wanted to recommend that if you are one of these people, please think twice about blindly donating to the Red Cross. The Red Cross accomplishes a lot of good things around the globe, however, as a gigantic entity in sizable debt, it is unlikely that a high percentage of your donated dollars are actually getting to the people who have been most affected.

A better bet might be considering a donation to Partners in Health which has a sterling reputation for getting a higher percentage of your dollars to the victims. Check out this NPR story about the group’s founder, Dr. Paul Farmer.

The death toll is over 100,000 at this point and the overall damage to Haitian society is incalculable, so it’s extremely important that donations go as far as possible. Thanks for reading this and God bless the people of Haiti who have been lost and those that have lost people close to them. [NPR]

Posted via email from Michael Block's Website

Do the Jets Stand a Chance?

Yes, but barely. How in the world are they going to contain the Electric Glide?



Challenge that call. Naw! Not a very good call.

The Debacle at The Tonight Show

As has been widely reported, NBC has initated a major shakeup to its prime time and late night programming. Jay Leno will no longer host a 10 pm nightly talk show. Instead, he'll return to a talk show at 11:35 pm (i.e. immediately following the local news). Conan O'Brien, who had inherited The Tonight SHow after NBC had pushed Leno from the gig 7 months ago, was given a choice: accept a demotion (hosting a the show at 12:05 pm) or leave. Conan, in the single greatest press release I've ever seen (click continue reading for the full release), has refused NBC and appears poised to leave. Whether O'Brien will collect his remaining paycheck for the next 4 years while sitting on a beach is unknown (he'll get the big C in 20 minutes due to his pasty skin, though). Conan may head to another network (Fox? Or replace Kimmel? Or succeed Letterman?) and compete against Leno.


And that is what I want, a direct competition with Leno. In fact, I think that's what all Conan fans have unwittingly wanted from the very start: the chance to see Conan beat Leno at his own game. Conan never had a chance to succeed during the seven months he hosted "The Tonight Show." As he brilliantly notes, "It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both." That's a great swipe at Leno, who was the "prime-time schedule" that floundered. Read the funny, wry, and cutting press release after the jump.

People of Earth:

In the last few days, I’ve been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I’ve been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I’ve been absurdly lucky. That said, I’ve been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.

Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight Show in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future. It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.

But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my Tonight Show in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime-time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.

Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35. For 60 years the Tonight Show has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn’t the Tonight Show. Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the Late Night show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.

So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn’t matter. But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more.

There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next. My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work.

Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it’s always been that way.

Yours,

Conan

Roofie Yourself

5 years ago in college years far far away I was on my winter off term from Dartmouth, working in NYC. With new snow on the ground, I planned a ski weekend at my dad's house in northwest Connecticut with my boyfriend of a couple months. After an icy day of east coast skiing, I was delighted when we came back to the house and my date offered to cook me dinner. He made spaghetti with a tasty and hearty turkey Bolognese sauce - simple yet perfectly seasoned. We poured some red wine and dug into the pasta.

After only a few bites and sips I was instantly relaxed and pretty impressed with the chef. This was a perfect meal after a day of skiing. One glass of wine and a half bowl of pasta later I was out. Totally passed out, asleep, in my chair, at the table.

Seinfeld does not lie my friends. I had experienced first hand how certain combinations of turkey and red wine can create a potent narcotic bringing on instantaneous sleep. While I am certain his intentions were not to drug me, any other plans my date had in mind were replaced by watching TV solo as I slept soundly in my chair for the next 4 hours.

So now I pass on this delicious and simple beef-free Bolognese to you with a caveat... unless you are having trouble sleeping do not consume while drinking red wine, especially after a day of skiing.

Turkey Bolognese
-courtesy of NC

This makes about 4-5 servings --- but you can keep it frozen for months and reheat whenever you want to cook up some pasta.

- 2 16-ounce cans diced tomatoes
- 1 large onion – diced
- 2 cloves of garlic – finely chopped
- 1 lb of ground turkey
- 2 Bay leaves
- 3 tablespoons Italian seasoning
- 2 tablespoons olive oil
- 1 lb pasta – Fusilli works nicely
- Salt and pepper

- Put a large pot or pan over medium heat and pour in the olive oil to coat the pan.
- Toss in the garlic and sauté for 2 minutes.
- Add in the chopped onion and sauté about 5 minutes until slightly golden.
- Add the meat (breaking it into pieces)
- Sauté everything until the meat is no longer pink.
- Add the two cans of the diced tomatoes (do not drain liquid) and then fill one empty can with water and add that in too.
- Add 3 tablespoons of Italian seasoning, 2 bay leaves, 2 ½ teaspoons of salt and 1 teaspoon of pepper --- Stir everything together.
- Let simmer partially covered 30-40 minutes, stirring occasionally.

- Cook pasta while sauce is simmering – serve pasta with a hearty portion of sauce.
ENJOY!