Unemployment liveblog day 0: Severance
Also included in the exit package:
- 1 roll of Bounty paper towels
- 7 rolls of Charmin two-ply toilet paper
- Assorted binder / paper clips
- 1 mop
- 1 bucket
Monster Mash
No plans for Halloween yet? I mean, besides eating that bag of Hershey's, Mr. Goodbar and Krackel all by yourself? Then swing by ours. Makens, who wrote this invitation but was too lazy to post it, demands it.
The Gin Mill
81st and Amsterdam
Saturday, October 31, 10:30PM
(This is a pic from our famous 2005 Halloween Bash. If you look closely, you can see the two random guys who both dressed as Slash. Hours later they were air guitaring on our couches and having an awesome time. And see that girl with the green headband? She broke our toilet tank, cut her hand on the porcelain and smeared gallons of blood all over our bathroom mirror and wall. Rage!)
Octomom had 8 kids. Lady Gaga hit the scene. Jon and Kate got a divorce. Sarah Palin still exists. Michael Jackson met a tragic demise. Kanye got drunk. Britney made a comeback. Vampires became trendy. One word: Bruno.
So, what does this mean? A phenomenal year for pop culture and an even better year for Halloween. It’s as if we’ve been given a gift from the costume gods. And when a stellar Halloween costume can be devised simply by turning on your TV, watching for 8-10 minutes and dressing as the first outrageous thing you see, then you pretty much have no excuse not to come to our party.
To make it even easier, here is a simple checklist to make attending our party even easier for you:
- Devise topical, if not mildly offensive, costume (see above for inspiration). Create shoddy interpretation using items from Modell’s, KMart and thrift stores.
- Withdraw $45 from an Automated Teller Machine. Put this in your wallet for safe-keeping as it will cover all of your beer and liquor expenses for the evening.
- On day of party (Saturday, October 31st, for those of you who live with the Pennsylvania Amish), take a cab to the Gin Mill on Amsterdam and 81st. Think to yourself what an upgrade the bar is from Jake’s.
- Arrive at party. Assess crowd for morally casual women. Make fun of Hogan for dressing as the Banana Man for the second year in a row.
- Drink beer. Play beirut. [Get swine flu.] Have an awesome time.
Friday Five
I appreciate the move toward a cashless society. Credit card transactions are rapid, internet payments are a breeze, and my excuse to bums sounds plausible.
I use makemebabies.com as undeniable proof that my girlfriend and I should not start a family. That and she's crazy.
When I get bored at work, I listen to conference calls in one ear and the Nappy Roots' "Awnaw" on loop in the other. It gets particularly interesting when I'm asked to participate.
Part of me wants to go at least $10,000 into credit card debt just to see if those commercials are legit.
I’m going to name my firstborn AAAA. I think that it will be good for his or her self esteem to be the first name in everyone’s cell phone.
100,000 Hit & T-Shirt Contest
Happy 100,000th hit everyone. My friend from high school always told me Hustle Beats Skill*. I guess that holds true in blogging as much as it does in YMCA basketball. AMDAL has been brilliant at times, and at others, only so-so. But like any good member of a community, we always pay our dues. And this time, we're doing it again, in the form of a T-Shirt Contest.
(Shown above are six AMDAL fans, including the site's founder MLR, laying out in the basement, having a touch on the play, and wearing the famous and coveted All My Deals Are Live t-shirts. As unlikely as it seems, it appears that two of the fans are actually female. Also, the first guy on the right seems to have peed himself slightly.)Over the next week, please submit your answer for why you think you deserve an AMDAL t-shirt. There's no word min or max; just make it good or else we'll get bored and stop reading. We'll announce the winners next Friday.
Good luck, Happy Halloween, and Happy 100K.
Fine print: Submissions sent to allmydealsarelive@gmail.com with your name (or pseudonym) and shipping address by Thurs at 11:59pm. One medium and one large available. Be prepared to see your submission published (real name will be redacted).
*Actually his cutoff t-shirt told me that.**
**Cutoff Hustle Beats Skill shirt not available for winning.***
***Cutoff AMDAL shirt can be arranged.
Jigsaw and The Public Option
In keeping with this week’s ultra spooky Halloween theme – and to make sure something new was up when AMDAL hit the big 100,000! – I decided to write a quick movie review of the latest Saw installment. Simply put, the movie is bad. How bad? Let’s just say that Saw VI makes Saw V look like Saw II.
It’s not all bad though. In fact, the torture-porn (a.k.a. gore-porn, or "gorn" as Block calls it) starts off promising enough.* Two people – a fat man and a thin woman – wake up in adjoining cells with ominous contraptions affixed to their respective melons. Each device looks similar to the one Amanda escapes in the first Saw, only this time instead of having a reverse bear trap inserted between the jaws, it has a pair of rusty screws pressed against the temples.
(This is Amanda in the first Saw.* She survived the reverse bear trap and underwent a miraculous transformation from a drug addict to a serial killer's accomplice.)
Between the adjoining cells is a scale. A scale, you say? But… why? Well, as soon as the two stand up, they quickly find out that they’re pitted against one another in a 60-second race to see who can lop off more weight in flesh. The loser gets the screws the through the temples.
The fat guy’s got a huge advantage, right? Not so fast. A recurring theme in the Saw series is that when bad people are faced with imminent death, some are willing to make incredible sacrifices to survive. The few who actually do this are rehabilitated by the process and learn to appreciate the life they had been wasting. Let's just say that the thin woman may or may not be one such person, and she may or may not hack off her left arm with a hatchet.
The audience, me included, had a good chuckle at that. However, in the next scene we discovered that the political joke wasn’t a joke, but a harbinger of things to come. You see, the real villain in this film* – the guy around whom the entire plots revolves – is an evil insurance executive. That’s right: he's a heartless senior manager who rejects the claims of sick people so he can make more money for his greedy, profit-seeking company. As it turns out, he once denied coverage to the one guy you never want to deny coverage to: John Kramer, a.k.a. The Jigsaw Killer, a.k.a. Jigsaw. Apparently, we learn, this is why the whole series started in the first place. We also learn that the guys who wrote this screenplay are trying to make some sort of political statement. What that statement is however – is Jigsaw really the type of reform advocate you want on your side? – isn’t entirely clear.
I won’t reveal any more details or describe the elaborate traps that the insurance executive and his unscrupulous coworkers (including Family Matters’ Eddie Winslow, who takes a point-blank shotgun blast to the chest cavity while strapped to a carousel) must endure as the movie unfolds. While some of traps are pretty gruesome, none are as sick and satisfying as the opening one. Plus, they’re nothing compared to what Obama and his Chicago goons are gonna do to real-life insurance executives if this healthcare bill passes.
From there, it’s all down hill. And by down hill, I mean it gets less bloody and more comical. For starters – I forgot to mention this – the two people from the opening scene are bankers. Not criminals, gang-bangers, or even your typical run-of-the-mill adulterers (the types who are “tested” in the earlier movies), but subprime mortgage lenders.
(This is Simone in the opening of Saw VI. Those bolts are about to do number on her temples, unless she repents by lopping off a limb. Her sin? Variable-rate loans to low-income homeowners. The movie does not say whether the Community Reinvestment Act of 1977 had any impact on such lending practices.)
(This is John Kramer, a.k.a. The Jigsaw Killer, a.k.a. Jigsaw.* When he had terminal cancer he was turned down by a private insurance company for a special, potentially life-saving treatment. Although he died in Saw III, he has played a prominent role in every subsequent film. Also, despite his being deceased, he's excited for tomorrow because Nancy Pelosi is expected to unveil the Democrats' new healthcare bill.)
(This is Eddie Winslow. He plays an insurance analyst in Saw VI. While he is ambivalent about the government taking over one-sixth of the U.S. economy, he mainly just misses Waldo Faldo.)
Was that Obama shot really necessary? No, it wasn’t, which is my point. Perhaps, it's simply best to leave politics out of torture-porn movies and torture-porn movie reviews. When you really think about it, we as a people enjoy torture-porn because our lust for unadulterated butchery is universal. In short, these films bring us together. Unfortunately, by injecting politics into the plot, Saw VI does the opposite: it pulls us apart, much like this one trap pulls apart its victim's flesh.** Ouch!
Here’s to a better, less partisan Saw VII, which, I’ve heard, will be in 3-D and may even make Saw III look like Saw IV.
Happy 100,000th Hit AMDAL!
Congratulations, MLR, on such an impressive achievement!
* Spoiler alert.***
**Graphic torture alert.***
*** Come to think of it, I probably should have defined these earlier.
In any case, Happy Halloween!
Friday Night Lights Tonight 9pm
If you have DirecTV, go watch this now. Then we can talk about it when it comes out on NBC sometime next year. Enjoy!
Jam of the Week: Raheem DeVaughn feat. Ludacris - "Bulletproof"
Featured on the latest episode of one of my favorite internet indulgences, Maestro Knows, the video above has some cool graphics and a nice melody. Ludacris isn't as great as he can be on it and the political messages are a little heavy-handed, but I think the overall look and feel let this one take the cake.
Runners up after the break
Runners up
3Oh!3 - "Starstrukk (feat. Katy Perry)"
Katy Perry getting wet in a fountain. What else do I really need to say?
Deru - "Peanut Butter & Patience"
A weird one and definitely not in JOTW form, but I thought the imagery was reason enough to post it in the runner up spot. That AZN baby sure is giving it to the robot, you've got to love her tenacity.
Triple C's - Erryday (feat. Young Jeezy & JW)
A Kerry Hilson look-alike, DJ Khaled,Nipsey Hussle, Bun B, Papoose(?), Big Tigger, Killer Mike, Rich Boy and probably others I couldn't name (can you?). The cameos are pretty ridiculous, especially for Rick Ross' posse's jam. That said, it's an overall palatable track and passable video.
Michael Jackon - "Thriller"
Happy Halloween. RIP(?) Michael.
Google Voice Is Finally Useful To Me
My dad texted me on Friday morning, which was triply cool because he was sensitive to my hangover, but wanted to wish me a happy birthday, all while using his new iPhone. So the text meant a lot. Unfortunately the confluence of homecoming and birthday celebrations made things difficult for me to get back to him quickly. Turns out they were pretty peeved, which caught me a little off-guard considering it was only one unreturned text. Unbeknownst to me, my iPhone has been eating my voicemails for the last month, failing to notify me when anyone's left one (or four in the recent case with the 'rents).
I found all this out just hours ago while trying to fix the problem and listening to the other 29 messages. So imagine my surprise when during a break from searching for an Apple customer service number (is there one?), I stumbled on this gem in my Google Reader.
In a few words: Google's new app, Voice, is now useful to anyone who loves email, hates voicemail and doesn't want to give up their cell phone number. More explained below:
The video below and link here do a good job explaining why this is useful and how easy it is to set up.
I already had a Google Voice account but since I didn't want to give out a new number, it wasn't all that useful to me. Well now it is, even with an iPhone, because it
Yes, it's true you can't use all the cool applications within Google Voice like free calls and text messages and multiple phone lines (home, cell, office) all using one number. However, the ability to have my voicemails sent to me via email (or text, if you prefer) is an awesome thing to have, and is even better for non-iPhone users who can't even find out who the voicemail was left by without listening.
Give it a shot. If you have an account already, click here for help. If you don't, click here to request an invitation.
Important update: Turns out I was wrong to yell at Apple for this - it's apparently Google Voice itself (I had set it up a month ago) that has caused me to lose visual voicemail.
Basically you can only have the voicemails stored in one place. So now they're going to my Google Voice account.
Conclusion: If you like visual voicemail - don't follow the directions in my post (though you can request a GV account and wait a while till it's all sorted out). If you'd rather get emails or texts instead of visual voicemail, go ahead and do it.
Moo Shoo by Mugatu
I went into Ricky’s on Sunday with the hopes of finding some Halloween inspiration but left empty handed. Basically, if you want to buy a packaged costume there are no options for ladies between 10 and 50 besides the “sexy” version of anything. I was momentarily psyched when my fiancée found male and female ghost buster costumes but then realized the girl version was a shorty playsuit with a plunging neckline that would be better suited for a character from “Ball Busters”, “Sperm Busters” or any more imaginatively named Ghost Busters based porno*. While I won’t judge the wearers of the sexy Halloween garb, I’ve always been more of put-it-together-yourself kind of costume wearer. So while working this Saturday is keeping me from committing to a huge DIY effort this year, here is a list of my top 3 best costumes to help you all think out side of the box.
3. The Energizer Bunny (age 10) - One pink sweatsuit, one pair of bunny ears and one large homemade cardboard battery/drum = priceless and delightfully comfortable.
2. Derelict (age 19) – One Keystone Light box tube top, 1 garbage bag skirt, multiple trash accessories, dirty looking makeup and a band of similarly dressed rowdy girl friends = running around campus yelling things like Derelicte my balls and eventual blackout.
and, drum roll please…
1. A Tea bag (age 8) - No, stop right now and get rid of those dirty thoughts! I was an actual Lipton’s tea bag. With 2 clear large garbage bags filled with dried fall leaves slung over the front and back of my body, a tea cozy on my head with a string coming out of the top of it attached to a cardboard sign that said “Lipton – the brisk tea” I was all set.
Thanks Mom.
But if time is eluding you and the sexy packaged costume is your only option than continue reading for a light and tasty meal that will fill you up while still letting you squeeze into those sexy Home Depot employee shorty shorts.
Moo Shoo Lettuce Wraps
adapted from the fresh direct Moo Shoo recipe
1 large Portobello mushroom
1 green cabbage
3 carrots – peeled
3 scallions
1 Red bell pepper
2 large chicken breasts
Boston bibb lettuce (or other wide leaf lettuce)
Hoisin Sauce
Soy Sauce
-Put a large pan or wok (does anyone have a wok?) over medium high heat and spray liberally with Pam
-Chop all the veggies into thin strips
-Put all the veggies in the pan.
-Pour 1/2 tablespoon of soy sauce over the pan.
-Mix together the veggies and cover for 10 minutes, lifting lid to stir every couple of minutes.
-Add 1 teaspoon of salt and the chicken into the mixture
-Cover and cook for 5 minutes lifting to stir
-Add 1 tablespoon of hoisin sauce and stir into mixture
-Turn off heat (as long as chicken is no longer pink)
Take a large lettuce leaf and spread a teaspoon of hoisin sauce in the middle and then put a spoon of the moo shu in the middle of the lettuce. Wrap, eat and repeat.
*Feel free to leave your better Ghost Buster porno name in the comments.
Happy Halloween Week AMDAL
Nothing says it's Halloween like a picture of BBag and Pence with a sexy new AMDAL logo.
Enjoy the week and get ready for a helluva liveblog fiesta this weekend. Scos, I hope you have a good costume ready. Is there a way to encapsulate blowhard? I might be a giant tea bag or Jon Gosselin. I haven't decided.
Thanks once again to Future for the logo work.
Happy Birthday MLR
Wait, wrong picture.
There we go! Here's to another year of self deps, live blogs, and long-winded Mad Men synopses. Enjoy Homecoming, and that lobster. Love,
The AMDAL Family
Friday Five
Every Christmas, my Grandmother’s gifts are all from infomercials. While most items bought in installments are absurd (read: the Perfect Pushup, Christmas 2006), some hidden treasures are displayed via her digital converter. About this time of year, I start dropping hints to ensure that I receive a gift ripe for utilization:
“I love smoothies, but it’s too hard to drink them on the go.”
“I caught a terrible cold because I had to decide between reading my book and staying covered by my fleece blanket.”
Watching the epiphany form across her wrinkled brow is enough to forgive her for spelling my name incorrectly on the Peanuts Christmas card.
If I owned coasters, I could cancel my magazine subscriptions.
The primary reason that I hate to cook is that regardless of how much energy I expend, nothing that I’ve ever made has tasted better than a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios.
Becoming an Edible Arrangement recipient is pretty much rock bottom. It means that you’re sick or deserve an apology, and that your benefactor knows so little about you that he thinks “I know what will help, honeydew!”
After a bad day, I snap out of my foul mood by thinking “at least I don’t work at Yankee Candle.”
Quick-Six Review: Slingbox Edition
Some of you may have heard about Slingbox, but others may think its some weird sexual contraption. Its not… unless of course you want to stream the Playboy channel from your cable TV box. Basically what it does is take what's being shown on your TV and stream it through the internet to your computer, mobile phone, refrigerator, etc. I find it pretty useful for business trips where there's free WiFi or when I'm stuck in an airport where "The View" is the only thing being shown in the lobby area. Check out my attempt at making a video preview and read my 6 points below:
1. Its Easy: Much like any good sexual contraption, its really easy to use and setup. All you do is plug it into the wall, the TV, and the internet and you're halfway done. From there, you download the software from slingbox.com and go through a simple wizard to complete the setup. That's about it - you're now able to watch all those fantastic Don Draper moments from your laptop.
2. Quality: So the Slingbox I'm using is the Slingbox Solo. It has HD inputs, but doesn't stream in HD - you need the Slingbox Pro-HD to do that. But from what I've experienced, the Solo does just fine and looks great on both my macbook pro and iPhone. As I mentioned in the video above, there is a lag between the real-time TV and what you're seeing on the Slingbox client. Not a big deal at all, but it's there. The audio is really good to and doesn't have problems keeping up with the video like some other streaming applications do.
3. Mobile Applications: This is where the Slingbox goes from cool to awesome. Once you download the app onto your iPhone, Windows Mobile, or Blackberry smartphone, you can immediately watch your TV after some minor setup. I've used it on both a Windows Mobile phone (Motorola Q9) and my iPhone 3GS and both work really well. Keep in mind for the iPhone, you need to be on WiFi to use this app.
4. Control: From either the mobile application or the desktop application, you can easily control what's on your cable box. I use it a lot for accessing my saved shows on my DVR, or even watching live Football games when I'm in an area that doesn't show my local team. As you can see in the pic above, there's a pretty intuitive remote that works with most cable boxes (I'm on RCN, not Comcast, but the remotes work the same). Fast Forward, Rewind, Pause, Video On Demand - its all there.
5. Use it for other TVs: Sling also has another product that puts what's on your cable box onto another TV (like in another room), and its called the SlingCatcher (I know, another sexual contraption name). Think of it as taking what you can do on your laptop and easily throwing it up on the TV screen. Its not useful to me, but I could see this being helpful if you didn't want to pay for cable and hooked up a Slingbox at your parent's house and the SlingCatcher at your house.
6. Cost: Ok, this part may push you away from this pretty fantastic product, but here goes: the Slingbox Solo is $160 on Amazon and the Pro-HD is $260. Its not cheap, but it really is a great addition to your media center if you watch a lot of TV. I should also mention the iPhone app is $30, so the total cost of the Solo and the app is around 2 Franklins. If you're thinking you might want to buy, I'd appreciate you going through Amazon (I get a referral). Here are links to the Solo, Pro-HD, and Catcher for your convenience:
Scaring the Sh!t Out of British Kids
"There was once a land where the weather was very, very strange."
Like when the Thames froze over all those times between the 15th and 19th centuries? Well, no, not like that. That was too early - you know, before humans were the only things that impacted the weather.
What about the Medieval Warm Period and the Holocene Maximum, when temperatures were much warmer than they are now? Again, that was before humans and their evil cars and evil methods of warming their evil homes dictated climate change, which is evil by the way.
"Scientists said it was being caused by too much CO2, which went up into the sky when the grownups used energy."
"Scientists said it was being caused by too much CO2, which went up into the sky when the grownups used energy."
Wait, all scientists say this? Do any disagree? Could anything else be affecting the climate? What about solar activity, cloud formation and water vapor? Um, yes, all scientists say this - at least those that we've talked to and fund do. Anyway, that's what "consensus" means, and that's why we use it - because it essentially ends the debate. As for those other "factors," we prefer focusing on the "angry CO2 monster" instead, because it really scares the kids, just like in Lost!
"The grownups realized they had to do something."
Like having the government use this taxpayer-funded propaganda video to scare the bajeezus out of impressionable children, forever making them think that humans are solely responsible for any changes in the weather? It's a start, isn't it? Here, take this copy of An Inconvenient Truth, written and produced by a non-blowhard. He won a Nobel Peace Prize, just like Barack Obama!
What does any of this have to do with peace? We have no idea. Not sure why your president got it either. Anyway, watch this movie! Before it's too late!
Random Thoughts
Someone should make an iPhone application that reminds you how rude it is to constantly check your iPhone applications.
I think it’s about time someone tells our Hispanic community that you can’t “carry” the ball in volleyball. It’s against the rules, even in a parking lot.
It’s weird, but I get really nervous whenever a cop boards my subway car, even if I’m just sitting there and not planning to pickpocket someone.
Isn’t it funny that when we pleasure ourselves at the office, we normally choose to do so in the handicap stall – just because it has its own mirror?
If you get into a NYC cab and your driver is disgruntled, turn up the volume on the little tv in the back seat. He’s probably just angry that he can’t hear those entertaining 12-minute loops.
Jam of the Week: Mook-N-Fair - "Who's Your Daddy?"
In light of the approach of Homecoming and yesterday's offensive (but related) GGMM*, I've decided to post the video above as JOTW. Also, I had another excellent video of Snoop and the Dream but it got pulled so it'll have to wait until next week.
Be safe out there kids.
Runners up after the jump...
Runners up:
Sharam feat. Kid Cudi "She Came Along"
Kid Cudi will get the special treatment on AMDAL until I'm proven wrong. This is a great track off his awesome (and free) mixtape, Dat Kid from Cleveland. A nice combination of good song and interesting video, though not enough of either really to garner top spot.
Tiësto & Sneaky Sound System - "I Will Be Here"
I'm sure Mike S. will love to tell us all about DJ Tiesto. I just like seeing asian people do The Robot.
Cam'ron - "What Means The World To You"
The stretch limo theme from Snoop's near JOTW (next week if it's re-released, I promise) made me think of the Cam'ron video above. One of my favorite songs he's put out. Now he wears a lot of pink and is a generally a weird dude (RKelly-type water sports video surely to come). So when he wears a Daffy Duck shirt in a rap video, I guess you can't say we shouldn't have seen it coming.
Another good Cam track below.
Cam'ron feat. Kanye West- Down and Out
*After finally being removed from GGMM this year, I only got wind of this from one of the many email lists I have the pleasure of participating in, thanks to my role as a house advisor**. Another advisor was mad that GGMM can continue to write such
**Yes I'm really a house advisor. NO UPSTAIRS PONG!1!
Smoke-Worthy Moments in Mad Men: Episode 310
Don Draper doesn't sleep. He waits...for the perfect time to unleash a cliched line about the color blue that actually works.
As I sit in my sub-comfortably unheated house drinking my $10 wine, I wait for inspiration to hit. I drink more wine. I pull out old Smoke-Worthy posts of which I'm especially proud. I even turn on the MTV Jams and unbutton my pants. Still, I can't tug out an ounce of inspiration.
Then it hits me.
It hits me.
Dammit, I was hoping saying it over and over would help. I've got nothing. So I wait.
***
Top Moments of Episode 310: The Color Blue
The Kinsey Renaissance
Paul Kinsey is a force of nature. He smokes a pipe. He has a beard in a British-owned corporate conglomerate. He once banged Joan (lifetime high fives). But for the entire third season, Paul's been marginalized to near-Cosgrove status. Sad, yes, but not unexpected. Besides the need to leave room for other more interesting people, Paul's been made more into a caricature than character. But in 310, Paul's done something I wouldn't have expected: he's taken his precious onscreen time and instead of sulking, embraced his oddball status. He's acting completely ridiculous and is now totally lovable. Here are just a few things that made for great Kinse-sanity.
Masturbating to his own material while listening to Jazz: At least if he's going to be self indulgent, he's doing it in style.
Talking to Achilles: "How does one talk to Achilles" Peggy aptly asks. Lots of scotch, a trip to the fridge and a very rude "Hush" would be the answer. Pen and paper not required.
Getting his ass kicked by Peggy: Not once, but twice. Reward: Consolation from Don - "See? It all worked out"
Lois is his secretary: LOUIS. Enough said.
Now if they could give Kinsey more action and stop wasting screen time on Miss Farrell, "I shall sleep very well tonight. Very well indeed."
Up For Interpretation
I thought The Color Blue and the whole analogy was a little too on-the-nose for Mad Men, and for the most part, I was right. The episode as a whole was a bit uneven and lingered too long on Don's explanation of how people perceive things differently (We get it, Paul v. Peggy re: Western Union, Don v. Betty re: prank call, Don v. Miss Farrell re: their relationship, Mr. vs. Mrs. Pryce re: NYC). But the writers* did a great job using what appears to be purposefully ambiguous language in a few areas that more subtly got across the point of interpreting the same thing differently:
"We don't have to go to Church every week" - Betty rationalizing to Sally why Church isn't necessary. Does that mean it is necessary for Carla, one of the show's "you people" or is it because the Draper family is above spiritual guidance? Either way, not good.
"I don't want to ruin this" Don to Miss Farrell - could be either, "I don't want to ruin this moment together" or "I dont want to ruin my sweet deal of mindless sex"
"Are you sure?" Don to Miss Farrell when she said he could come back tomorrow when her brother would be gone. Could be interpreted, sweetly, as "Are you sure you'll let me come back?" but equally salty, "Are you sure he'll be gone by then?" Suzanne then telling him to "Stop" could be to either "Stop
"I told myself I'd do this right once" - Don to Kid Brother Farrell. Don's either reminded of the shitty way he dealt with his brother or the fact that he's never invested any serious effort in his love interests.
"My God" - Pete to Peggy after another one of Peggy's epiphanies. Jealousy or genuine appreciation?
These and other answers hopefully to come**.
Don Slow Downward Spiral To Idiocy
All the hard living has caught up to him. It took most of us four years of college life to kill off most of our productive brain cells. Don seems to have done it in three years (and 2.5 seasons). Some examples:
Work: When has he himself put out a great campaign? Remember when he used to do it all on his own? Now he's relying on Paul, Peggy and anyone else that can offer up an idea? "I can't do this alone" he growled to Peggy, the Swede and Other Guy. What he meant to say is that he can't do anything by himself. Roger's on his case for jeopardizing his biggest account (no moon) and for his second (no Sal). Pryce and Co. have his contract. Despite his guest-of-honor-ness, he's being held by the balls and has no idea.
Mentoring: Don used to be so good at this - helping people, specifically Peggy, get to where she deserved to be. This season, we've seen Don bully her around to what can only be disastrous consequences. Don's also decided to take on a new mentee, this time an epileptic trouble maker kid brother of the tweaked woman with whom he's having an affair. Genius. Hey Don, why don't you just start the paperwork on your divorce now and give the kid all the money in your treasure chest now because he's only going to clean you out or ruin your life, whichever comes first. I wanted to give Little Farrell (again, last name too on-the-nose?) a chance and see him the way Don wants to, as either mini-Don or "the little brother he didn't force to commit suicide.***" Still, don't say we didn't warn you, Don.
Philandering: Midge, Rachel, Bobbie, Suzanne. Which of these doesn't belong? While all the other women are intelligent, worldly and most important of all, able to call a spade a spade, Suzanne is an idiotic idealist with more than a splash of crazy. Patrick at Slate says what everyone questioning someone's relations with the opposite sex says: it's Freudian. All the women before were easy and made sense for Don's two-timing ways. But I agree with Patrick - he's dwelling on his past pretty heavily this season, diving into the box (the cardboard one, sicko) a lot. He's also connected with Connie on what's becoming a replacement his deadbeat cheapskate father (Connie to Don: "What, do you want love too?"). So it's only natural he's looking for a mother figure. Too bad she's 'dumb' and not 'pure' like Don was hoping. This will only end badly as Weiner is setting us up for the monumental fail of Don's life.
Related Mad Men Links (Courtesy of Vulture)
- MM prop guy on his job and Weiner's fascist control (Here)
- Facist Weiner trying to control how you experience Mad Men (Best viewed in the dark sans internets) (Here)
- Superstar Peggy's Elisabeth Moss on how she sees Peggy's progress this season(Here)
- A quote I thought was about Don Draper but was really about Don Hewitt, creator of 60 Minutes(Here)
It was good for me, was it good for you?
*Sup Kater, nice episode - how's "retirement?"
**Don't hold your breath. It's Mad Men after all.
***Hat Tip: Sars for the quote and the help on some of the dual meanings.
Pence Watch!
Normally, this is Scos' domain but I just saw this and, as I normally do when I see a shirtless Pence, I got overly excited. Scos informed me a while back that Pence might be involved in the upcoming Facebook movie starring rat fink, Jesse Eisenberg, and all-around awesomer than me guy, Justin Timberlake, but this is the first I've seen about it online. I love how Valleywag reacts to Pence's picture:
"Whomever model Josh Pence is playing, he's definitely not part of the Silicon Valley tech scene."That's because bodies like that don't exist in Silicon Valley. Another commenter adds her thoughts:
I don't care who Josh Pence is playing, as long as he's in very little clothing.Kudos to our man Pence! May he break a leg!
Traveling is Fun!
Many people, especially those of us of the "broke phi broke" persuasion, eventually convince ourselves that we prefer taking the late-night subway to the simple, quick taxi.
We tell ourselves:
"Selves, we take the subway because we are mindful of our finances and constantly thinking about our futures. Anyway, taxi's are for snobs and we love the gritty urban world that is the NYC MTA. Boy do I love the subway!"
But sometimes we walk down into the happy abyss that is the subway station and are rudely greeted with this:
I mean... as much as I appreciate the honest heads up about the next sad hour of my sad existence, I'd rather be lied to and beaten in the neck by Kimbo Slice than told to wait 47 minutes for the L train.
Some blame Bloomberg. I blame Kanye.
We tell ourselves:
"Selves, we take the subway because we are mindful of our finances and constantly thinking about our futures. Anyway, taxi's are for snobs and we love the gritty urban world that is the NYC MTA. Boy do I love the subway!"
But sometimes we walk down into the happy abyss that is the subway station and are rudely greeted with this:
I mean... as much as I appreciate the honest heads up about the next sad hour of my sad existence, I'd rather be lied to and beaten in the neck by Kimbo Slice than told to wait 47 minutes for the L train.
Some blame Bloomberg. I blame Kanye.
That Curious Yellow Soda
A few weeks ago --and to much fanfare-- I wrote a post about food and cleverly dangled a photo of said yellow soda at the conclusion of the post, promising to later fully explain its origins. In keeping with my promises and my desire to make AMDAL a hispanic-friendly website, I'll deliver on that p!edge now.
As many of you may know, I've spent some of my best years in Peru. One of my favorite reasons to return as many times as I have is, of course, Inca Kola. I'm actually not even a soda drinker. In fact, carbonated beverages in general didn't become part of my diet until beer became an interest towards the end of high school (jeans were also foreign until 7 West Wheelock became my residence!); but the Golden Kola has a special place in my heart as it does in Peru's. In fact, a little research shows its quite the anomaly in the world soda market.
A favorite axiom of mine ponders what Coca Cola considers its biggest competition. Most people would respond Pepsi. The answer is actually water. But in Peru that answer would decidedly be Inca Kola. In fact, the question should really be reversed, given Inca Kola's peculiar market dominance. Peru is one of only a few markets in the world where a local soda outsells Coke. It's also one of only three markets where Coke has recognized it cannot compete and changes its secret formula to appeal to the palate of the locals (extra sweetener in Peru's case).
What makes Inca Kola so appealing? Well it's the taste, silly. (Though the novelty of the urine color is not to be underestimated). To outsiders it's often an acquired taste, one likened to liquid bubble gum; but no matter how you cut it, it's undoubtably refreshing. Its sugary sweetness makes it go all the better with salty foods, including Peru's famous fusion take on Chinese, chifa. And let us not forget the smoothness with which it washes down cuy, the guinea pig delicacy of the Andean region.
And again the coloring it quite interesting. In hospital settings I've often heard doctors compare a patient's hydration status/ urine color to the soda itself. Health nuts fear not. Not all is synthetic bad-for-you-ness. The coloring originally came from a local Peruvian plant, the hierba luisa, which is still commonly drank as a tea today.
The other significant reason I choose Inca Kola along with my Peruvian amigos, is political. Though recently a distribution/ production agreement was reached between the Peruvian Kola and Coke lessening the decades-long Kola War, many consumers choose Inca Kola because it's seen as the Peruvian soda, a patriotic choice, not unlike our own delicious Freedom Fries (which being a salty snack would go nicely with an Inca). The nationalistic Inca Kola advertising campaigns in Peru abound. El sabor nuestro (Our Flavor) is one of many similar slogans. The love affair is so rampant Peruvians even adorn their homes in Inca Kola statements of support. (I'm sure money has nothing to do with this.)
The bottom line is that like much of Peru and Latin America itself, Inca Kola is quite the enigma. In a world dominated by Coke and American markets, Inca Kola is a refreshing (pun intended) rejection of that paradigm, one that keeps beckoning me to return to Peru and return as a consumer.
I don't always drink urine-colored soda; but when I do, I prefer Inca Kola.
How NOT to get swine flu. An essay in 5 parts, by Makens
I’d like to take time out from my usual column, “I Do Embarrassing Shit and Then Write About It,”* for a very important public service announcement about the
That said, I do think it helps to take your Tamaflu with a spoonful of sugary, syrupy humor. So, without further ado, Makens’ Top Tips for a Swine Free Holiday (i.e.g. Halloween, the only holiday that matters) Season.***
Tip #1: Don’t play quarters at Sophie’s, one of New York’s most preeminent dive bars, in the height of Swine Flu season. Don’t chant H-1-N-1-Clap-Clap-Clap-Clap-Clap every time the quarters fall on to the floor or into stagnant puddles of liquid that are forming on the table. Definitely don’t try and bounce these undoubtedly infested monetary units into your cups of beer. If you do happen to do any or all of these things, please be sure to read tips 2-5 all the more closely.
Tip #2: Gargle. Do it even if your girlfriend thinks it sounds weird and gross. Do it with Listerine. Do it with salt water. Do it with shots of vodka. I don’t care what you use, as long as it has little germ killers who will camp out on your tonsils and lay the smack down on the H1N1 squatters, who are undoubtedly planning to imitate Central Park’s hobbit population and pitch their little microbial tents on your tonsils for the long haul.
Tip #3: Watch this video.
Debate for 10-15 minutes whether or not the lady demonstrating the proper use of a Neti Pot is:
a) The subject of a lobotomy gone terribly wrong. Or actually, I guess, right.
b) Dead inside.
c) An alien from the Planet Teegeeack
She scares the shit out of me. I am going to have nightmares about her tonight. And she’ll be doing alternating toe touches. But that’s not the point. Disregard the fact that her eyes are devoid of life, and look at the valuable swine flu prevention tactic she taught us. This lady is like the MacArthur of the Anti-Swine Flu Army. Why? Nasal irrigation is KEY to staying healthy. The saline fluid kills all the little infectious buggers that like to loiter in your nose on their way to Throatsville. If the idea of hosing down your nostrils is unappealing, for some strange reason, you can also take the wimpier, less aquatic route and swab your nostrils with salt water and a q-tip. Feel free to submit videos of yourself doing either.
Tip #4: Don’t touch your face. This was one of the vaguer things I learned from the Health Departments PSA pamphlet. Like, don’t touch my face ever? What if I have to put on make up in the morning? Or I get some peanut butter smeared on my cheek while I’m eating my daily walk-to-work PBJ? And if I have an itch? I’m just supposed to leave it? But that’s so uncomfortable.
Tip #5: This one comes courtesy of my Vegan Buddhist Co-Worker, and not, say, the CDC. While I really admire her dedication to spirituality, I’ll admit that this seems a little counter intuitive. I figure I’d include it to cover my karmic bases, though. As AMDAL blows up, there is a significantly higher chance that at least one of our readers out there is a Buddhist Lama. This one’s for you, Lapsang.
Anyway, she suggests that in order to stay free of swine flu, we should contribute positive energy into the world by helping, caring for and thinking of people who are sick. Willing exposing myself to germs seems like the exact opposite of what one would want to do in this situation, but it seems to be working for her so far. I’ll keep everyone posted if it turns out a healthy diet of yoga, tofu and selflessness doesn’t prove to be the best defense against a worldwide flu pandemic.
So stay healthy AMDAL. Because I hear nothing kills the homecoming spirit like a bout of uncontrollable vomiting and diarrhea, accompanied by a stabbing sore throat and the inability to get out of bed for two weeks.
*Gratuitous Footnote: Not that I didn’t do anything embarrassing this week, though. I just can’t make whole posting out of it. The stand out contestant for a post was more of a short moment, rather saturated with awkwardness. This is opposed to my usual lengthy anecdotes, where the awkwardness is evenly distributed among the molecules of normality and sanity for approximately one word doc page’s length of time.
* *Serious Footnote: After watching my little sister lose a healthy friend to what I had previously regarded as “nothing to worry about,” I started taking this brethren of bacon slightly more seriously. While I aimed to approach this post with a little humor, I hope everyone takes the right measures toward staying healthy, whatever that may be for you individually.
***Funny Footnote, unless you’re someone who wants to sue me, in which case this is actually a VERY legal disclaimer: Makens is not a doctor. (You’re thinking of Apple Symbol.) These tips do not guarantee that you won’t get swine flu. They’re merely meant as a PSA, taken from a pamphlet read to her during staff meeting today by her office manager.
Hot Food for Cold Days
I’m a little scared to go to homecoming this weekend. After graduating from college my liver and blood made the joint decision that after four years of college drinking and temperatures rivaling Siberia they were no longer going to tolerate the cold and mass amounts of beer. Since my social life no longer revolves around pong and NY bars are notoriously overpriced, my lower tolerance for alcohol has been a natural adjustment to my adult life. My ridiculous intolerance to cold weather, on the other hand, just makes me feel like a weakling. We’ve only had about two weeks of chilly Fall weather and I’m already busting out knee high argyle socks under my jeans and trying to pass off puffy vests and fleeces as appropriate conference room attire. The weather also shifts what I want to eat. All I’m craving is hot bowls of comfort food which translates to a long winter of unhealthy eating. Luckily not everything that is delicious, hot and satisfying has to be unhealthy or come in a pizza box. Continue reading for a super easy dish that will keep you warm all winter long without also giving you a spare tire.
Savory Spaghetti Squash
-Preheat oven to 375 degrees
-Slice 1/3 red onion into thin slices.
-Peel zucchini and cut into thin short slices
-Peel and chop up 1 clove of garlic
-Cut squash in half and scoop out middle seeds and gook. The squash is really hard so really put some muscle into it.
-Cover baking pan with tin foil
-Place squash halves cut side down on the pan and bake for 32 minutes
While the squash is baking…
-Put frying pan over medium heat and add ½ tablespoon of olive oil.
-Throw in garlic and onions and sauté for about 5 minutes
-Spray pan with Pam and add the zucchini in as well as a 1 ½ teaspoons of salt
-Saute all together until zucchini is soft (about 8 more minutes.)
-Turn off heat.
-Take Spaghetti squash out of the oven and use a fork to scrape out the squash (you know the squash is ready when it is soft enough to easily scrape.) The squash comes out in stringy (spaghetti-like) pieces.
- Throw spaghetti squash in the pan with the garlic onion and zucchini and put over medium heat.
- Sprinkle 1 teaspoon of salt, 1 teaspoon of olive oil and a small handful of shredded parmesan cheese over the mixture and stir together.
- Serve as a main dish or as a side to chicken or pasta (you can even use it as a pasta sauce.)
Eat and feel all nice and warm inside. If you're still cold, come to homecoming and play pong.
Liveblog push notification: AP annoyances
Dear AP,
This does not count as "breaking news," let alone news worthy of disrupting my day by forcing me to pull my phone from my pocket.
This does not count as "breaking news," let alone news worthy of disrupting my day by forcing me to pull my phone from my pocket.
Please refrain from distracting me while I'm reading the Times.
Happy Sunday.
Sincerely,
MLR
Happy Birthday Scos
Here's to another year of dick jokes and
Love,
The AMDAL family
